Thoughts & Views

The Upside of Anger....Anger in its Deepest Manifestations

2011-09-02T20:46:00.015+02:00

Anger…Why do I get angry?.....Am I that much hurt?.....Am I aware of all the facts that drive me angry?....Am I justified for inflecting my anger on others?.....Am I forcing others to support me?....Am I striving on my loved ones’ support?....Am I inflecting my anger on them?....Am I poisoning their lives?....Am I changing to a shrew?....Am I giving up my wisdom and caring nature for anger?....Do I deserve a slap to wake me up from my anger?....OR Is it ok to release my anger so that I can calm down?

The Story

The movie “Upside of Anger” revolves around all these questions. It is the story of Terry Wolfmeyer; a housewife with four daughters. She is consumed with anger over her husband who mysteriously abandoned his family. Terry believes he left to Sweden with his young Swedish secretary. Terry’s solution to her heartbreak is in absolute anger and burying all her sorrows and self-pity in her glass of vodka.

She has problem with each of her daughters: “Four girls? One that hates me, two or three that are leaning that way.” Hadely is the eldest. She is a fresh college graduate who decided to marry her boyfriend with whom she was involved for three years without her mother’s slightest knowledge. Andy refuses to go to college and instead she is seeking a job as a reporter against her mother’s will. Emily is the dreamer who wants to be a ballet dancer and applying for the college of arts. In her mothers’ opinion this is no serious education. The youngest is Popeye, a 15 year old, who was never taken seriously either by her mum or sisters “You are child..What do you know”. However, she is the most mature of them all and she holds the moral of the movie.

Terry has a neighbor; Denny the former baseball player. Just like Terry he is desperate. He used to admire her. He is a sport Shaw presenter who doesn’t want to talk baseball. When her husband deserted her, Denny came to her support. He started as just a drinking partner then he developed real feelings and care for Terry and her daughters

My life is falling apart…I expect some compassion from you

In seeking her daughters’ support, Terry gives them no choice. She angrily demands their consideration and compassion. While her daughters were preparing dinner for her, she said furiously “My life is falling apart…I expect some compassion from you”

She doesn’t even give them the choice whether to hate their father or to look for explanation from his side. She decided not to call him or let them do. She even unconsciously obliges her daughters to hate him to show her consideration and support. She once told them in despair:

Terry: I’m a wreck.

Emily: I hate his guts. I hate his guts for what he he’s done.

Terry: Oh. He is a pig, your dad. Just a vile, selfish, horrible pig, but you know what? I’m not gonna to trash him to his girls.

Andy and Emily hug their mother.

Andy: I hate him too.

Emily: I hate him so much.

Terry: I know you do, baby. You’re human. How could you not? When your eyes were open wide.

Actually she doesn’t know anything. The daughters have confused feelings towards their father. They need explanations. They want to call him to know what happened but they can’t so as not to hurt Terry. They don’t hate him but they say they do for her. Emily once wrote him a letter and was afraid it might be mean. In a moment of truth, she even told her mother when she was ill; she needs her father to know saying “I don’t hate him, I know that you do, I just thought of it and I think that I don’t”. For this, the girls started to be angry with their mother. Popeye comments on her mother’s state saying:

“My mother was always the nicest person I ever knew. She was the nicest, sweetest woman than anyone who knew her ever knew. Then things changed...then she changed. She got angry. Good and angry. Anger has turned my mother into a very sad and bitter woman. If she wasn't my mother, I'd slap her. I would. I'd look her straight in the face and tell her what I really think of her...and then I'd run really fast in the opposite direction.”

I hate the way I come off to my girls. I just hate that I can’t control my emotions

With agony, pain, and anger, Terry deals with her daughters’ problems. She is losing her wisdom and farsightedness. Being angry with Hadely for keeping her love relation from her, Terry embarrassed her before her mother and father-in-laws and her fiance:

Terry: She was so loved from the minute she was born. Just an adorable little thing. She was...well, she grew up too fast didn't she? She grew up so fast and had a mouth on her.

Hadely: Mother!

Terry: When she was in her teens she was her own little boss.

Hadely: Mother!

Terry: And she would sometimes just not come home

Hadely: All right, could we just toast, please? Thank you.

Commenting on this situation, Terry told Denny “I hate the way I come off to my girls. I just hate that I can’t control my emotions”.

With Emily, she gave her dream the cold shoulder. She criticized her for joining the College of Arts instead of being proud of her.

Emily: Be proud! Shit! You know? I'm focused! What is your problem? The only thing you're focused on is drinking and Denny! Be glad that I have a dream!

The irony is that Terry doesn’t find the College of Arts a serious one, while she herself wanted to be a poet. However, her parents pushed her to marry and abandon her dream. She is obsessed by anger and controlling her daughters’ future, rather than thinking clearly. She can’t find a wiser way to dissuade her daughters or give them good pieces of advice. Rather, she puts them in embarrassing situations or causes them depression by killing their own dreams. Terry just couldn’t control her feelings of resenting Emily’s dream to the extent that started to undermine her daughter’s self-esteem.

Emily: I wish you would take me seriously.

Terry: Honey, I take you seriously. I just don't think you have much capacity for self-evaluation.

Emily: You know, you'd think you'd be happy for me...considering the way your life turned out. The way your parents pushed you...

Terry: To marry your father? Yeah. I'm not complaining. They pushed me to take life seriously...not to live in the clouds.

Emily: Do you have any idea what an idiot you sound like sometimes?

Terry: I love how you worry that the letter you sent to the parent who deserted you is too mean, and yet, to the one who's here in the fight, you have no problem saying the most vile things. Isn't that a tad odd?

It is obvious that Terry’s obsession with “serious” college education for all her girls lies in her wish to prove to herself before anybody else that she can make her daughters better off without the father who deserted them.

You just don’t seem to care all that much about me, unless, like now, I’m sick

For this anger to calm down, Terry got three slaps ranging from in strength from the weakest to the strongest. The first slap came when Emily got sick with stomach ache and was admitted to hospital. At first the doctors thought it might be stomach cancer. They ran necessary test and it was discovered that her pains are caused by physiological stress. Terry was devastated over this.

Emily: I’m not stressed

Terry: Yes, you are. You are mad at me. Mad at your Daddy. I can see that all the time. You’ve got a cloud over your head….You need to get better, Emily. I can take a lot, but I couldn’t take losing you.

Emily smiles

Terry: Why is that funny?

Emily: Because you just don’t seem to care all that much about me, unless, like now, I’m sick.

Terry: That’s not true. That’s just not true. I adore you.

Emily: I don’t see that.

Terry: Well, what can I say? You are like everyone else in my life you need to pay closer attention to me.

Terry is highly consumed by her anger and indulgence in self-pity that she can’t show care and love for her daughters in their everyday life. She is getting estranged from them and that’s the first realization she gets from the first slap.

I am so sick of being your bitch

The second slap was when Denny left Terry. Denny is such a loveable person. He loves Terry and her daughters. He believed in Adeny’s talents and helped her find her dream job. He cared for Emily and tried to give her emotional support in her dancing dream. He acted as father with Popeye; accompanying her in a trip with her boyfriend and his father. Denny found in this relationship his new life. In his Shaw he doesn’t want to talk about the past “baseball”. He is looking forward for the future in Terry’s “family”.
Denny: When I'm with you, Terry...with your girls...I feel like there's a big chunk of my life still left to be played out. And that's what I want to talk about, not... baseball.

And above all this he was extremely tolerant with Terry’s anger fits and humiliating actions. She used to kick him every now and then out of her home. Popeye one day asked Denny if he would marry her mother. When Denny brought up Popeye’s question to Terry, she called this a “Cheap Shot” saying:

Terry: I have had enough problems right now, Denny. I don’t need you using my daughter as a pawn..I don’t want to get into something silly…like a cute talk about a marriage…that we both know would be doomed from the start….I don’t want to hear what Popeye said, no

Terry slammed the bathroom door after her

Getting extremely angry and fed up with Terry’s humiliations, Denny broke the bathroom door and shouted at Terry very furiously that she got really scared saying:

Denny: I am so sick of being your bitch. I put up with your shit, because I know how much pain you're in. But it's enough! It's a tall order for a patient lover, and I am the farthest thing from that that you're ever gonna lay eyes on.

Denny faced Terry’s anger with an outrage. He has had it with her shrewdness and can’t take it anymore. Following this situation, Terry started to realize how mean she was to Denny...How supportive he was...How much he cares for her without any kind of obligation...How much she really needs him. She called him many times to apologize but he either hang up or didn’t answer at all. Meanwhile, she started to control her anger and calm down. She decided to quit drinking. She even became nicer with Hadely and Emily. Andy was always her own head. She was never affected her mother’s refusal for her way of life or even argue about it.

Later when Denny calmed down he came back to Terry. The first thing they did with the girls was to attend a ballet Shaw. While watching the Shaw, Terry imagined Emily dancing in it. She looked at her daughter who was sitting beside Denny and smiled to her nodding in acceptance for her daughter’s dancing dream.

Before coming to the last and strongest slap of all, we see Popeye commenting on how people love “People don't know how to love. They bite rather than kiss, and they slap rather than stroke. Maybe it's because they realize how easy it is for love to go bad, to become suddenly impossible...unworkable, an exercise in futility. So they avoid it and seek solace in angst and fear and aggression, which are always there and readily available. Or maybe sometimes...they just don't have all the facts.”

The only upside to anger, then...is the person you become

The last slap was a hitting fact that hit Terry, her family, and the audience. While working on the farm at the backyard of Terry’s house, a worker stumbled into an old water well. He found a dead body in the well and called Denny. They found a jacket and a wallet for Terry’s long lost husband. He didn’t desert her or the girls; he just fell into the well and died. He remained there for Three years. Terry couldn’t believe it until she saw it herself. All her life-poisoning anger, resentment, agony, despair, shrewdness were simply unjustified.

At the funeral, we see Terry reminiscing about her girls through their childhood till they grew up. She started to accept the fact that they are grown-ups and to realize the hurt she caused them with her unjustified anger. She takes them in an embrace as if she is apologizing and giving them the love and care they needed the most. At the end of the movie, we see airs of acceptance and love between the girls, Terry, and Denny.

Popeye ends the story saying “Anger and resentment can stop you in your tracks. That's what I know now. It needs nothing to burn but the air and the life that it swallows and smothers. It's real, though the fury, even when it isn't. It can change you... turn you...mold you and shape you into someone you're not. The only upside to anger, then...is the person you become... Good job....hopefully someone that wakes up one day and realizes they're not afraid of its journey, someone that knows that the truth is, at best, a partially told story. That anger, like growth, comes in spurts and fits and in its wake, leaves a new chance at acceptance and the promise of calm. Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.”

My Dream

2011-03-29T13:57:00.002+02:00

لو بطلنا نحلم نموت، لو عاندنا نقدر نفوت

What if?!

2011-03-22T15:11:00.004+02:00

What if you wake up one day and realize what you thought you want is not what you want anymore?
What if you wake up one day and realize what you thought you don't want is what you want nowadays?
What if you find yourself full of contradictions that you hate and love at the same time?
What if people envy you while you don't find anything in you worth envy?
What if you need to break down but everybody does not see that you have the right to?
What if you are tired of being strong and envy people who are weak?
What if you envy mindless people?
What if you feel paralyzed and can't take a step forward or even backward?
What if you don't even want to try?
What if you don't want to commit to anything even to yourself?
What if people's believes and hope in you is becoming a burden?
What if people's hope in you is your last hope?
What if you find everything in your life tasteless?
What if the fighter in you doesn't want to survive anymore battles?
What if your power, mind, energy, and spirit are fading away?
What if you find yourself responsible before others but you can't be responsible before yourself?
What if you find yourself speechless not because you don't want to speak but because you don't know what to say?
What if you are expected to understand others and support them while you can't understand or support yourself?
What if you find yourself unable to even talk to Allah?

You might call me a bad person but even this I don't know. Am I bad or not?
I don't want any comments please; even this I don't want

I Love My Wolf

2010-10-19T10:59:00.003+02:00

In the previous post, I talked about the wolf in me. I've received a mail from a friend who thought that this wolf is evil, thinking that I might be implying that I'm evil.

Believe it or not, I love my wolf. I don't see it as evil at all. On the contrary I see it as a blessing from God. Yes I was a lamb but deep inside a wolf was growing feeding on the hurts, agonies, boundaries, and restrictions the lamb passed to him. It started young and then grew. It is now in its youth phase. At the beginning, my wolf gave me negative feelings and anger. It kept on biting many people that stand in its way. Thanks God I was aware of this and tried to control it as much as I can so that it does not bit everyone.

Now, I'm taming it. I'm talking to it, understanding it, and even loving it. Thanks to this wolf, I got some energy that I lost. Yes it was negative at the beginning and may be still little negative but not as strong as it started. I'm facing this negativity with positivity. I had the following conversation with my wolf and helped him understand:

Me: What do you want?

My Wolf: Freedom

Me: Then get it. No one will give it to you.

My Wolf: Everyone is giving himself the right to put fences even if they are covered with love and fear of confrontations and agonies. Everyone thinks I'm stable now, since nothing is changing. They don't know that I'm a free animal, who looks for change, who wants to explore the world, who can't stay in one place, who never enjoys stability. Stability is my reason of disturbance.

Me: Give yourself the right to reject restrictions that limit you or your change ambition. Seek your own freedom smartly.

Calm down, use your smartness, cunning, and planning techniques in taking few little steps that with time will get you out and give you the power to leap to get what you want. Take hold of your freedom and don't ever let it go.

My Wolf: If I get my freedom I'll hurt many loved ones.

Me: For your loved ones, you are hurting them already with your unresolved anger. Have in mind that some of them had lived their lives the way they wanted and for them this might be the most perfect life. It might not be the same for you. Your loved ones have others to depend on. Your loved ones might get hurt in the beginning but then they may get used to and the hurt will minimize. If you are hurting them with your anger now, why don't you stop it. Keep the hurt till the moment when you have to pursuit your own life and dream; in your search for a meaning of life that makes sense to you even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

My Wolf decided to be tamed, to think and plan, and replace the stupid anger. My Wolf started to love himself. He needs to start taking actions towards his dream. If he won't, he might get back to the anger state.

My wolf is a beautiful creature from God. It is beautiful and strong. At least now I have a voice that tells me don't take anymore hurts, don't cause any meaningless hurt, don't stop at boundaries, take risks, love and cherish yourself, respect your smartness, stand up for yourself, free yourself.....etc.

A Cry for Self Discovery

2010-10-17T18:19:00.003+02:00

You might or might not wonder why it took me so long to write again. May be she lost interest in the writing thing, may be she wasn't that serious from the first place, may be she is too busy, may be she is not thinking, reading, or doing anything, may be she has nothing to say, etc. If you know why tell me!

Since the last few months I've been in a state of complete passionless mind and soul. I can't find anything enthusiastic anymore, even my job that I love the most. Now I don't know whether I still love it or not. I believe I'm in a state of accepting everything that comes to me, without even stopping for a second to ask do I want it. Seems that I'm losing control of my life; not because I want to, it is because I don't know what I want anymore. I'm not used to be this kind of person; a state that irritates me, a state of meaninglessness.

I started analyzing my life, may be I'm board for while. I can engage myself in refreshing trips and outings. However, I couldn't enjoy these things as I was used to. Something is wrong, something that is deep inside me.

Not only this, I'm having an angry wolf in my heart, who is fiercely attacking anyone who is trying to captivate him or who previously caused him hurt; intentionally or unintentionally... A wolf who prefers to be alone and deal with his anger instead of hurting others... A wolf who is yearning for breaking through everything is his life... A wolf who is looking for meaning, a meaning of life that makes sense to him even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

May be I'm saturated, I can't do the same things again, even the same trips and joyful activities. I need change. May be I need an escape. I can't bear people anymore, even close ones. I can't sallow their hurting actions anymore. I can't pretend coldness of feelings anymore. I can't hide my sensitivity anymore.

The New me is also board of commitments. I can't take any commitments and don't want to. May be this is the only thing I know I don't want. I can't make or promise any short-term or long-term commitment to anything or to anybody.

May be I needed to be silent for a while and listen to my soul and pay attention to God's signs. May be I need to question my new needs. Why am I no more satisfied and thrilled with things that used to give me ultimate satisfaction? Do I need to change my life mission, which was originally affected by my life necessities and NOT by what I want deep inside? Do I want something different or am I looking for an escape? A lot of questions that are spinning my mind looking for answers, do you have the same questions? If yes, would like to take the trip of self-discovery with me?

I'll tell what I'm doing and if you have any other suggestions, please share them with me:
1- I'm doing a lot of thinking questioning my actions, emotions, and needs
2- Recording what I'm observing
3- Analyzing my observations
4- Talking to people who may understand what I'm saying
5- Talking with strangers who don't even know me but have been there like me (one of the things I prayed God for and he answered my prayer)
6- Reading a book called "I can do anything only if I know what it was" to discover what I want

I've not reached a lot yet but I'm doing this to save myself that I no more understand.

Up in the Air! Wooooooooooow

2010-03-26T11:19:00.099+02:00

Up in the Air, What a fascinating experience! Go up, get ungrounded! Go up, get loose! Go up, get free! Go up, get untied! Go up, become carefree! A state when you have no responsibilities towards others or may be even yourself. Unload your backpack from all connections to things and also to others. Go Ahead, move fast, get up in the Air! Wow that’s wonderful!

This is the feeling you first get in Up in the Air movie, carefree, freedom, sweet self-indulgence, fast steps.

Ryan Bingham is a man who spends his life traveling from one state to another. He earns his living from firing people. He spent 322 days on the road, meaning he "wasted" 43 days at "home" a year.

His dream is to achieve ten million frequent flier miles and have his name written on a plane. He disconnected himself from any kind of relationship commitment, whether to family members, a wife, or even a love relation. According to him "Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life." He even lectures people on this philosophy "What's in your Backpack?" He motivates people to get free from any kind of connection whether to staff or people that prevent them from moving faster. Empty your Backpack so that you move faster.

On the professional level, being disconnected makes Ryan an excellent terminator. He fires people with a smile, speaks to them about other opportunities, takes in their rage and anger, feels no pity for anyone, he is doing his job heartlessly or may be professionally. He describes his job saying "Our job is to make limbo tolerable - To ferry wounded souls across the river of dread and humiliation and self-doubt to the point at which hope's bright shore is dimly visible... And then to stop the boat, shove them in the water, and make them swim while we row back to the place of their banishment to present the employer with other bill".

Throughout the movie Ryan travels from one state to another in a way that makes the viewer feels tired looking for the ground to settle down. Everything he does is so mechanical in each airport and hotel. In one of his trips, he meets Alex; his female counterpart; a women who is also up in the air just like him. They start a casual relationship. They agree to meet whenever their roads cross each other.

On the family level, Ryan's disconnection from his sisters makes them treat him as stranger. On his little sister's wedding rehearsal dinner, it was hard for him to realize that his sisters treat him as a stranger. When he suggested to walk his own little sister down the aisle, he was told that her fiance's uncle will do "He's been really supportive". It has been already arranged. On asking when to go to the ceremony, he was told "Guests are arriving around 5. Things get going at 5:30..So you know, around then". He has never been there, so why would they think of him as family, why would they count on him to fill their deceased father place. This was the first shock that made him start to realize the consequences of his life philosophy.

Kara; his elder sister, asked him to persuade the bridegroom who got freak on the marriage date to go on with making his marriage commitment to their little sister. Ryan commented that though he is a motivational speaker, he can't do so. Simply, because his job is to persuade people AVOID commitments. Kara comments "Stupid philosophy...Fear of commitment is simply a reflection of what someone carves". However, he found that he should start doing something for his family. He explained to the bridegroom how marriage is a meaningless commitment without any point in it (As Ryan Believes) but he asked him one question: Think of the times when you were happy, were you alone? He answered NO. Then, the answer was sufficient in convincing the bridegroom of marriage commitment.

On the personal level, when Ryan received his sister's wedding invitation, he asked Alex to be his date.For the first time in his life he doesn't want to appear in parties alone. He would be glad if Alex would be his date then.

Ryan: Look. You Know. I'm not the wedding type. But for the first time in my life...I want a dancing partner. I want a plus one. And if you can stomach it, I'd like it to be you.

It was very obvious that Ryan started to develop real feelings towards Alex which he found reciprocal. Alex agreed and they spent a lovely time together. They went to Ryan's school, actually they broke in. They exchanged loving glances, danced, had fun at the wedding more like a married couple deeply in love.

Following these incidents, Ryan was invited to speak about his "Backpack Philosophy" in a prestigious International Convention Mall, he was yearning for. He started his session:

Ryan: Imagine for a second that you are carrying a backpack...I want you to feel the straps in your shoulders..you fell them?

Ryan isn't feeling them. He is not inspired. He isn't believable. He's barely even there.

Ryan: Now I want you to pack it with all the stuff you have in your life. Start with the little things.

Ryan is trying, but he can't find the will to do it.

Ryan: The...um...The stuff in the drawers and on the shelves.

Ryan takes a beat and steps back. He stares at the backpack on the table and thinks about the things and people he removed from it...And then...

Ryan: Excuse me

He can't preach it anymore. He ran out of the hall. Flew to Chicago, to Alex, for the first time in his life, he wants connection, a ground, a tie, love, no more self-indulgence, not only surrounded but accompanied... As Alex opens her house door to him, he sees kids screaming, running on the stairs, and a husband asking "Who is it Honey" "Just some guy who was lost". And the door is slammed.

Frankly, my heart as viewer sank down with Ryan's heart who was speechless and emotionally bleeding to death. I moved from being up in the air to the underground. Later, when Alex called him,

Alex: How could you just show up at my door like that?

Ryan: What do you mean? I wanted to see you. I didn't know you have a family, because you never told me.

Alex: Come on, I thought we signed up for the same thing.

Ryan: Try to help me understand. What is it you signed up for?

Alex: I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. It's...an escape.

Ryan: I'm an escape

Alex: You know, a break from our normal lives...A parenthesis.

Ryan: I'm a parenthesis?

Ryan: I thought I was part of your real life.

Alex: Look, Ryan. I'm a grown up. I don't hold a grudge. When you're ready to be adult and have fun again, just give me a call

Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing, he just hang up. Yes that was what was originally planned for their casual relationship, but he couldn't help feeling attached, tied, and real love...feelings that he believed were reciprocal...Far from causality, escape, parenthesis...Also, even Alex is not a Backpack believer, she has a real life filled with people and family relations. When she is up in the air, she gets a break from real life, responsibilities, and commitments, but not leading an up in the air life...She is NOT his female counterpart as he once thought.

In his way back home, Ryan's dream for ten million frequent flier miles came true. The flight attendant announced that Ryan hit the ten million mile flight. Ryan didn't show any reaction. He was just stunned...telling the plane pilot "You know how many times I've thought of this moment? Played out the conversation I've with you right here...You know...I...I can't remember". This is the time, when a dream comes true, you realize this not your dream anymore. When a dream comes true, you realize you are NOT that anxious or even thrilled. When a dream comes true, you realize how superficial this dream was. When a dream comes true, you realize that for this dream you scarified you own precious life. When a dream comes true, you can't even recall any of the happy scenarios you imagined for this moment.

Back to work, Ryan's manager decided he would be back in the air. Ryan accepted the decision in an attempt to proceed with the life he willingly chose for himself. He realized that sometimes it may become tooooooooo late.

The movie final featured Ryan at the airport back to work.

Ryan: Tonight, most of the people will be welcomed home by jumping dogs and squealing kids. Their spouses will ask about their day and tonight they'll sleep...The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places, crowning their neighborhood with lights....And one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest, will be my wingtip, passing over, blessing them...

What's More Interesting New People or People Anew?

2009-12-19T18:53:00.013+02:00

Have you meet people you used to know or befriended a long time ago? What's your impression? Let me share my experience with you.

Yes, it is very interesting to meet new people. But you know what’s more interesting? It is meeting people anew.

At school I had many friends. Through the university and work years we lost connection. However, thanks to the facebook we were able to gather again.

We planned for a meeting day. We met in a café. Each one started talking about her experiences, life and work experiences. OH MY GOD, we are new people. However, we are still in harmony.

I kept listening and listening with comparisons between Now and Then going in my mind. We all agreed that we miss the days of innocence and carefreeness.

For Emy, she was very funny and excellent in imitating people. Now, she is a Section Head at a bureaucratic governmental organization. She talked about the employees she is managing. Some are useless but her boss forced them on her for favoritism issues. Some are very strong at verbal attacks, which make her in return a very skilled fighter in verbal battle fields.
Meanwhile, her mimicking skills enhanced in a way that she can’t help imitating her boss live while arguing with him.

For Gigi, she was the romantic girl at school who used to fall in love with handsome actors. She had very romantic fantasies about her would-be husband/lover. This romantic girl had a very unpleasant engagement year with a womanizer, liar, and miser man. Nothing was romantic about him. To avenge this man she insisted on breaking up this engagement on his birthday. She said “I was very happy to upset him in his own birthday” with a sense of victory and avenge. What a romantic ending for a romantic engagement!

For Mimi, she was the most glamorous and smartest in our group at school. We all used to gather around her when she talks and ponders her social, political, and even funny views. Now, Yes she fulfilled her dream of becoming a politics professor, but she no more talks as she used to. She only listens. I was wondering why was she silent! But I realized that since she remained in the academic field focused on her PHD studies, she didn’t have lots of happenings as we did at work. However, she is still the kind loving friend with whom you feel secure.

For Yuyu, she used to have a smiley face but very reasonable. Today, her smile is bigger but she has gone nuts as she herself says. Breaking up two engagements and being the victim of arranged marriage proposals (Salon Marriages) forced her to let go her reasonable mind. She said it clear to her mum “I can’t take this anymore. I’ll go fetch my future husband. I’m not getting engaged anymore, unless I know the person first”. In her search, she met several crazy guys who made her go crazy herself.

For me, I never thought I have changed that much. Seeing my friends, I realized I must have changed. But I can’t really say how much. I think I have to ask them. I never thought how I was then and what I’m now.

وتناثرت الأعضاء

2009-11-21T15:12:00.010+02:00

لم أكن من المهتميبن بالسياسة بشكل عام وعمري ما تحمست للكرة سواء لمصر أو غيرها. لكن طبعًا حينما تحقق مصر نجاحًا عالميًا في أي مجال أسعد كثيرًا بل وأفخر أنني مصرية. لكن ما حدث في مباريات مصر والجزائر لم استطع تجاهله أو حتى أن يمر علي مرور الكرام. وبعد أن قرأت موضوع في مدونة إحدى صديقاتي حول تساؤلات تطرحها في هذا الشأن، وجدتني أطرح مزيد من التسأولات التي لا استطيع الإجابة عليها ليس لأنني لا أعرف الإجابة، ولكن لأنني أخشى فجاعتها.

هل أدرك أحدكم إن ما حدث ويحدث في وسائط الإعلام العربية والعالمية أكبر دليل على أننا أصبحنا أمة أشقياء وليس أمة أشقاء؟

هل أصبحنا أمة تحتضر وتموت بفعل الغوغاء والجهلاء والمتحجرين فكريًا بل وعاطفيًا؟

هل يصل بنا الخلاف إلى درجة عدم الرغبة أو القدرة على التفاهم مع بعضنا؟

هل يصل بنا الحال إلى درجة أننا أصبحنا قادرين على التفاهم والدخول في اتفاقيات مع ألد أعدائنا، وفي نفس الوقت الدخول في حلقات السباب واللعن لبعضنا البعض؟

هل أصبحنا أسهل مضغة يمكن أن يبتلعها أعدائنا لأننا أتخذنا من بعضنا عدوًا لأقل الأسباب أهمية؟

هل اعتدنا على الخيبة وإعادة السيناريوهات السوداء فقط من تاريخنا؟

هل تصل بنا المعصية إلى تحريف آيات القرآن الكريم لنهاجم بعضنا؟

هل أصبحنا في غفلة عن أبسط تعاليم ديننا "لا ضرر ولا ضرار"، حتى نتشاجر بل ونتحارب في أي وقت ما بالك في الأيام الحرم؟

هل فقدنا الإحساس بقضايا حياتنا وأوطاننا وأمتنا الملحة حتى نتشاجر على أقل الأشياء أهمية ونسمح لكل من هب ودب بأن يفرح بنا ويقوي نار الفتنة بينا؟

أين نحن الآن؟ أمة متفرقة، لا يشغلها سوى توجيه سهام النقد والسب واللعن والافتراء والحقد والكراهية على أعضائها.

للأسف لم نعد كالبنيان المرصوص أو الجسد الواحد إذا اشتكى منه عضوًا تداعى له سائر الأعضاء.

بل تناثرت الأعضاء حتى لم يشعر أي عضو بالآخر. بل وأصبح كل عضو وكأنه عضو في جسد آخر معادي لسائر الأعضاء.

لقراءة مدونة صديقتي حول هذا الموضوع، انتقل إلى هذا الرابط:

http://doctorruby80.blogspot.com/2009/11/blog-post_21.html

The Sea

2009-11-14T09:15:00.025+02:00

They were having a chat while watching the sunset on the sea. All of a sudden he asked:

He: How do you perceive the sea? What occurs to your mind first when you look at it?

She turns her head to the sea and loses herself to it in contemplation, when all the voices and people retreat.

She: The sea is an embodiment of love.

When you are on the surface, you see clearly.

When the wave comes, it takes you down.

As you fall deeper and deeper, you are fascinated by the marvelous colors of reefs and fishes.
You lose yourself to beauty more and more.

You can no more control your heart, it just overflows.

You can no more see the surface.

Others on the surface can see how it might be contaminated or polluted.

But you can't, since you are already drowned.
You love sinking more & more, no matter what.

While enjoying everything that is deep inside the sea, you may see a snake.

You run away from it and refuse to go to the surface again.

But when it comes nearer and nearer, you either have to escape it to the surface or struggle against it.

If you struggle, you may compact the snake and fall deeper and deeper and enjoy more and more.

If you get bitten, you will go to the surface again.

At this moment, you are taken aback by the contamination and pollution on the surface.

You will insist not to fall down again.

You would prefer to be on the surface with a clear vision and a stable heart.

Here come the waves again, you resist them.

But for a particular wave that you can't help resisting.

You simply surrender to the tide and go down again.

He keeps on looking at her, into her eyes and never looks back at the sea. She turns her head to him and with teary eyes:

She says calmly: Hey, why are you looking at me? I'm talking about the sea. You feel it doesn't make sense! Don't you? Does the sea remind you of anything?

He: I was lost in your expressions and eyes while describing the sea.

You know what! the sea reminds me of your eyes: Blue, Warm, and Calm sometimes; Stubborn and Rebellious other times.

I've just realized, I'm already falling.

Look at Me, Should I Better Go Crazy?!

2009-09-18T23:29:00.009+02:00

If you look at me, most probably I’ll turn my head away. But if not, look in my eyes.
What do you think?, you think I’m not ok. Yes I’m not. You know why? I can’t tell. You know why? I don’t know. You Know why? because it is not only for one reason. You know why? because I’m afraid to talk. You know why? because I fear being misunderstood. You know why? because being blamed is the last thing I need. You know why? because I need to be treated kindly. You know why? because I don’t want to feel selfish by burdening others with my problem. You know why? because I fear regretting telling you one day. You know why? it is really complicated and I know to you, it may not seem so.
You know what? I’m strong but lately it seems I’m not that strong but I’m not weak. However, I’m board of being strong, independent, reliable, & supportive. May be I need to be weak for sometimes, to cry, shout, and show my anger, to act in a crazy way and show my fears. May be I need to lose my memory for a while. I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting, striving, reforming myself, caring for everyone, crying every now and then and being neglected at some times.
What do you think of crazy people? I’m starting to envy them. They can do whatever they want whenever they want without being blamed. They are simply crazy. They might be crazy, while I believe they enjoy a peace of mind which sane people may not enjoy.
What if I became crazy or insane? No No I don’t want this. Certainly God is already choosing the best for me. Why should I talk to anyone who may misunderstand me or blame me or I regret talking to? I can simply talk to HIM, to God, to Allah. He is the only one I can show my weakness to without fear. He is the only one who can help me without feeling any kind of selfishness. He is the only one I can ask for his help and pray for and be confident he will answer me. He is the only who is not looking for my support, instead I’m the one looking for his. He is the most one when I think of, I realize the many blessings he gave me and still does. When I think of him, I feel I should go on reforming myself and my relations, only since he wants that from me, not for his sake but for mine. God, I love talking to you. God help me overcome my inner weakness. God help me see life problems as minor that deserve no worry and anxiety. God help me be kind, loving, and even more supportive to everyone I love and care for. God you know I really really have no one but you. God I get my strength from you so please give me more strength.

Is It Love or Companionship?

2009-06-18T11:55:00.036+03:00

I've been watching a scene from an American soap opera, when I found the conversation very interesting. It took place between a man and his wife about the word Apathy. They were having breakfast before the husband goes to work. He was reading the newspaper and she kept looking at him and contemplating:

Wife: How about the word Apathy?
Husband: What! What did you say?
Wife: The most appropriate word "Apathy". You feel it. Don't you? Don't you?
Husband: I try not to.
Wife: That's the exact definition trying not to feel something.
Husband: I'm aware we have problems, but we also have life to live.
Wife: Oh let's go on with our lives and put our marriage on the backseat for everything else.
Husband: Is this all leading to some suggested course of action?
Wife: No just discussion.
Husband: Then it is a little self indulgence.
Wife: Well I'd like to be little self-indulgent in this issue if you don't mind.
Husband: By all means, if it's what you want.
Wife: Of course, that's what I want.
Husband: You want to argue about this, is this what's leading us?
Wife: I can't recall the last time we had a GOOOD argument that's the problem you know? We're so polite so civil! no conflict! no confrontation!
Husband: You don't build what we built together on confrontations.
Wife: What we built? Big House in Beverly Hills, what we have 4 children, What about love, what about fulfillment? what about friendship? companionship? What we have together? We live in a big house in Beverly Hills, we sleep in the same bed and we are so far apart, absolute estrangement!
Is this satisfying to you? (he kept silent and didn't answer) Is it really? because it seems to be.
Husband: No, no it is not satisfying to me. Do you want to continue this discussion?
Wife (furiously): NO!!!!!!!!! Why don't you just go to work
Husband: I'll see you at dinner
Wife nodded Sarcastically

These two people loved each other, but what the wife misses is companionship. They got used to be in love with each other, do the same activities together every day because they have to not because they want to (We have life to live). Their relation became a daily use. However, they lost the essence of any fulfilling relationship whether love, parental relations, friendship, etc. which is Companionship.

When I thought of the idea, I started to understand why a person can feel lonely though he/she is surrounded by people who love him/her. It is not all about love, it is more about companionship: Sharing your feelings, thoughts, interests and whole being NOT merely sharing activities, Finding someone to understand you, someone with whom you can talk without boundaries, Someone you understand and ready to listen to without boundaries.

I believe that this kind of companionship can apply to any kind of relationship: brotherhood, motherhood, fatherhood, friendship, even with daughters and sons, NOT just your partner.

However, if you are lucky enough and your partner became your companion, this would be the most amazing and fulfilling relation you may ever have. At the same time, if you don't find this in your partner, either you start by being your partner's companion yourself or seek companionship elsewhere; with your sister, brother, friend, etc. But don't blame it on anybody, if you don't seek it first.

In the mid of shared activities, like raising children with your partner or working with your friend, you can search the hobbies and interests of the other party. Even if they are different from yours, you can start trying them, showing interest in them, asking to share your partner or friend in doing them. By time the other party's hobbies and interests will become a habit and an easy-to-do thing. If the other party really loves you, he/she will automatically show an equal interest in your hobbies and interest. Here begins the companionship. With time your companionship will grow, you will find yourselves getting to understand each other perfectly, and sharing everything else, your thoughts, feelings and being.

One of the other elements of companionship that a friend of mine drew my attention to is listening. Sometimes when someone wants to be listened, you may give him/her the deaf ear "You might be hearing but not listening". This often happens when you are not interested in the thing the other party is speaking about or not interested in or caring enough for him/her. In the conversation above, the husband showed no interest in listening "Is this all leading to some suggested course of action?". That is to say he is not ready to listen to just a discussion or an expression of feelings. If his wife wants from him a certain action, she can just state it and save him all this discussion. While this wasn't what she wanted, she wanted the discussion, she wanted to be self-indulgent on this subject, which he couldn't understand.

If you are looking for companionship, you should be ready to listen for things you are not interested in. The more you listen, the more you care for the other party and vice versa. The way you listen tells of the way you care for the other party. You are listening NOT out of an interest in the subject itself BUT out of concern for the other party. Being concerned about him/her helps you listen and understand. Understanding the other party will lead you to use his/her way of thinking and feeling to lift his/her burden. This is one of the main definitions of companionship, "Being able to become the other person emotionally and mentally, wearing his/her own glasses, seeing the world from his/her eyes to get to the essence of how to help him/her".

But what if you try and find yourself unable to understand? I believe that at this moment, if you are really honest and sincere in your trial to listen and understand, the other party will feel it. Your honest and sincere listening would be a proof of your companionship intentions for him/her.

Words that Found Their Way into My Mind 2

2009-05-27T22:00:00.006+03:00

The Story of the Pencil

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point he asked:

‘Are you writing a story about what we’ve done? Is it a story about me?’

His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson:

‘I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I’m using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.’

Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn’t seem very special.

‘But it’s just like any other pencil I’ve ever seen!’

‘That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.’

‘First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.’

‘Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpner. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.

‘Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.’

‘Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.’

‘Finally, the pencil’s fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. in just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action’

Source: Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho

هوه إحنا يا ستات عايزين أيه بالضبط؟ لحظة تأمل

2009-05-16T14:39:00.021+03:00

اتفرجت من كام يوم على الفيلم الأجنبي ستبفورد وايفز والفيلم العربي أريد خلعًا وتذكرت فيلم أريد حلاً.

هذه الأفلام جعلتني اتعجب وأطرح هذا السؤال "هو إحنا يا ستات عايزين أيه بالضبط؟"

والسؤال لا ينطبق علينا فقط كستات شرقيات وإنما على كل الستات في كل مكان.

زمان لما كانت الست دورها في الحياة الزواج وتربية الأطفال والحفاظ على نظافة المنزل والاهتمام بالرجل وتدليعه، كان مش عاجبنا، على الرغم إن هذه السيدات والأمهات كان يقال عليهن ليدي ‏.

أصبحنا نبحث عن حرية المرأة:
• في الدراسة كويس
• في اتخاذ القرار كويس
• في العمل كويس
• في الخلع كويس
• في أي شيء كويس

وفي نفس الوقت:
• أصبحنا أقل اهتمامًا بأطفالنا مش كويس
• أصبحنا أقل اهتمامًا ببيوتنا مش كويس
• أصبجنا لا نراعي أزوجنا كما يجب مش كويس
• أصبحنا نهدد ونتوعد مش كويس
• أصبحنا جبارات في بعض الأحيان مما يفقدنا أنوثتنا برضو مش كويس

والآن وبعد أن أدركنا تقصيرنا فيما تميزت به جداتنا والأجيال الأقدم، لم نشعر بأن ما حصلنا عليه أو حصلت عليه أمهاتنا من حرية وتحقيق ذات يشفع لنا.

لهذا في الوقت الحالي نعمل جاهدات لكي نحقق كل شيء: أن نصبح مثل جداتنا وأيضًا أمهاتنا.

نحن نريد أن نكون مثل أمهاتنا: عاملات ومحققات ذاتنا ومفكرات ومشاركات في القرار ومسيطرات وبيتعملنا ألف حساب.
ونريد في نفس الوقت أن نكون مثل جداتنا: نربي الأولاد أحسن تربية ونحافظ على نظافة المنزل ونظامه وطباخات مهارات وزوجات صالحات نراعي أزوجنا ونتحلى بالابتسامة والحنية الدائمتين.

ولكن الحقيقة أننا لن نستطيع أن نغطي كل شيء، إلا إننا نكابر ونعاند ونجبر أنفسنا على تحمل ما لا طاقة لنا به لكي نحقق الوضع المثالي في كل شيء مما قد يؤدي إلى انهيار أحد الجانبين، الذات أو الأسرة، أو التقصير في كلا الجانبين (وهذا ما نسميه بالتوازن).

فنحن عندما نحقق ما نسميه التوازن، ندرك تمامًا أننا مقصرات في كلا الجانبين ونشعر بتأنيب الضمير حتى وإن كنا مقتنعات كل الاقتناع بأن هذا أقصى ما عندنا.

طيب لو قولنا نركز على جانب دون الآخر.

كأن تختار إحدانا أن تكون أمرأة عاملة لتحقيق ذاتها، ما يحدث في الحقيقة، حتى وإن كانت تستمتع بالنجاح، فإنها بينها وبين نفسها تشعر إن هناك ما ينقصها، فتصبح فرحة النجاح نصف فرحة (على رأي آصالة "نص حالة").

وإن اختارت إحدانا أن تكون ربة منزل إيمانًا منها بأن تنشئة أبناء على خلق ناجحين هو تحقيق لذاتها. عندما يأتي عليها اليوم الذي يفرغ فيه المنزل من الأبناء وينشغلوا عنها بمتطلبات الحياة، في هذه اللحظة تكون الفرحة أيضًا نصف فرحة، حيث تشعر بضياع ذاتها في ذات أبنائها.

الدنيا كئبت قوي، أنا عارفة وأسفة.

بس أنا فعلاً مش عارفة إحنا عايزين أيه؟ أنا عايزة أيه؟ أنا فعلاً اتلخبط

Do We Always Look for a Change?!

2009-05-12T15:20:00.009+03:00

When asked about the dream of my life, I answered:

I dream of living in a home of two levels, small but of two levels.
The style is so simple closer to a cottage.
The garden is endless you can't see where it ends.
Horses and children are running everywhere, smiling and laughing.
With a river at one side and a sea at the other side.

Then, I took a moment of thinking. I found out that all this has to change every now and then. It will be so boring if I see the same thing every day, however, beautiful and amazing it could be.

Change is actually what will make me happy. If I fulfill this dream, by time it won't be a dream anymore. I have to change my dream.

Change Change Change! How come I'm asking the world to change for my sake, since I can't go on with the same thing, view, and routine, while I don't change myself!

Why am I always afraid of changing myself while I ask others to change!

Why can't I bear living in the same home with the same beautiful scenery, and expect others to accept me without a change!

Why am I strong headed when it comes to changing my views!

At last why do I insist on having the same dream while I can partially fulfill it, if I:

Plant some flowers in my balcony.
Visit my family children and organize trips to parks and gardens for them, or even visit nearby orphanages.
Get a training on horse riding at the club.
Make trips to the river Nile and the sea.

If we just realize how we are capable of changing our views, we can really achieve a lot.

A Realization that Came After 28 Years

2009-04-04T10:49:00.008+02:00

After 28 years of her life, she finally realized the MAN she has been living or may be NOT living with for her entire life.

Whenever, she was asked does she love him, she answers "Of course he is my dad". She never thought of any other reason. She wasn't that kind of girl who talks with her dad about herself, her dreams, her personal life, or even her educational or professional life. There has always been a wall of silence between them. Now, it doesn't matter why this was happening; or who’s to blame him or her.

What really matters is that after 28 years of silence, she realized the person her dad is. It took her about 7 years since she left college to know him. This realization came through others. Previously, whenever she wanted to get, buy, learn or do something she can't do on her own, she went to him. She was so authoritative in her tone "Dad you have to do it, who else should I go to, it is part of your responsibility, you always help others and not happy to help me bla, bla, bla" Her dad used to yell back at her for this way, but he never let her down. He always did what she wanted. Of course, her tone was so cruel for a dad to bear, but she couldn't realize this, since her dad returned her emotional silence with silence in his part. He never showed her how much she hurt him.

For 7 years now she started to get nicer. All of sudden, she started to realize how mean this has been. She started to ask for help in a nicer way, but still the wall of silence exists. Today, she wanted to get a car. Today, she started to realize how her father is a very loveable person. Everyone is there for him, his relatives, his friends, his companions, and even people that he barely knows. When he started to ask about the best and most affordable car for his daughter, she found many people at her command:

Someone who helped her to get the driving license
Someone who got her a discount from a friend of his, a salesman working in a car store
Someone who drove the car home for her, since she is not very good at driving yet
Someone who went with her to get the car papers and license from a very far city
Two people who insisted on training her on driving her car

In all these steps her dad was with her. All these people, she didn’t meet or see before. They did that not for her but for her dad. She saw how these people love and appreciate her dad. The way he contributed to these people's emotional banks, helped her. She told her dad "how can I repay all this help from all these people". He answered in a very natural way "It is repaid already. Don't bother yourself with that". She realized how her dad was helpful for others, and they haven’t taken it for granted as she has. They are in a race willing to pay back and help him in whatever he wants. She realized how sincere, sensitive, considerate, trusted, and amazing person her father is in the way people treated her.

He never showed her that he once got hurt form her past arrogance, ignorance, and unappreciation.

Now after years of silence, she can't tell him:

How much she is touched by people's love to him
How much she appreciates his contribution to her life, that she never did before
How much she regrets taking him for granted
How much she wants to tell him she loves him so much, but she can't now since she never did before
How much she fears he might not understand what she passed through that makes her so sincere in saying for the 1st time in her life "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DAD AND I APPRECIATE YOUR KINDNESS AND BACKING ME UP IN EVERYTHING" Is it too late?
How many times he drove her to tears by his kindness and unconditional love and the love she sees in people's eyes

Yes, may be she doesn't talk much to him, but she wishes to break this wall of silence and invite him into her life. She thinks she might deserve this now after this realization. But would he forgive her or may be his kindness and sincerity are already blinding him to the hurt she caused him.

The problem is that she can't tell him any of this. She explained it to me. I wrote it. I hope that someday someone who knows them both can explain to him all this. I'm really driven to tears; they are freezing in my eyes.

وماذا بعد؟

2009-03-05T11:22:00.012+02:00

هذه الفكرة مستوحاة من قصة لإحدى صديقاتي. أرجو أن تقرئيها لتعرفي ما يدور بداخلك.

وماذا بعدما
قاومت رفضي

وماذا بعدما
داعبت إحساسي بكلماتك الدافئة

وماذا بعدما
خاطبت عقلي بأفكارك الحرة

وماذا بعدما
أظهرت تقديرك لذاتي وعقلي

وماذا بعدما
عرفت كل نقاط قوتي وضعفي

وماذا بعدما
أحببتني كما أنا

وماذا بعدما
أفصحت لي بما في قلبك من مشاعر

وماذا بعدما
أهديتني الورود وكل ما أحب

وماذا بعدما
تخليت عن أنانيتك لأجلي

وماذا بعدما
أصبحت تعشق نبرة صوتي

وماذا بعدما
أصبحت لا ترى في الوجود غيري

وماذا بعدما
غمرتني بحنانك

وماذا بعدما
جفت دموعي بكلمة منك

وماذا بعدما
التمست لي الأعذار

وماذا بعدما
وجدت منك كل ما انتظر

تُرى

هل كل هذا حلمًا أم حقيقة؟
هل هو حقيقي أم زائف؟
هل أعترف لك بحبي؟
وإذا فعلت
هل ستشعر إنك ملكتني؟
هل ستفقد اهتمامك بي؟
هل سأصبح من مسلمات حياتك؟
هل ستشعر بالملل لأني لن أعد تحديًا لك؟

فأنا فعلاً أحبك
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بحبك لي
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بضعفي تجاهك
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بوجودك إلى جواري
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بأنني امرأة تستند إلى رجل
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بأنني أهم ما في وجودك
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بأنك أهم ما في وجودي

Why Do You Insist?

2009-02-28T21:12:00.014+02:00

Why do you insist on
Suffocating me

Why do you insist on
Trapping me

Why do you insist on
Hurting me

Why do you insist on
Having an obsessive power over me

Why do you insist on
Controlling me

Why do you insist on
Taking away my freedom

Why do you insist on
Treating me as a child or even a toddler

Why do you insist on
Distrusting my mind

Why do you insist on
Driving me to the edge

Why do you insist on
Driving me to hurt you

Why do you insist on
Making me fear you

Why do you insist on
Making me feel guilty

Why do you insist on
Making me worry about losing you

Why do you insist on
Refusing to understand

Why do you insist on
Blaming me for everything

Why do you insist on
Disrespecting my will

Why do you insist on
Calling me a devil

Why do you insist on
Bringing up the worst in me

Why do you insist on
Believing you Know me the best

Why do you insist on
Having the final say regardless of its destructive impact

Why do you insist on
Victimizing yourself so you get what you want

Why do you insist on
Becoming my enemy

Why do you insist on
Suffocating me this way

This is how she currently feels towards a person, whom she loves by nature and who sometimes drives her crazy. However, she would never wish to cut this person off her life. Though this person sometimes suffocates her, this person is the jewel of her heart. Please, consider the way you treat her sometimes.

هوه إحنا ليه مش طايقين بعض؟؟؟

2009-02-23T22:00:00.011+02:00

سؤال طرحته علي أستاذتي ومعلمتي التي أكن لها احترام كبير. وكان الموضوع ليه الناس بقت مش طايقة بعضها. ظللت أفكر في هذا الموضوع إلى أن توصلت إلى عدة أسباب قد تختلف من فرد لفرد ومن حالة لحالة:

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان لا نحترم اختلاف الآخر، فالخلاف في الرأي أصبح يفسد للود قضية.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان بنسلك أيسر الطرق لرفض الآخر ككل وليس بعض أفكاره. فإذا اختلفنا مع الآخر في جانب مثل الدين أو فكرة معينة، يصبح هذا الآخر مرفوضًا ككل شكلاً وموضوعًا. فنحن لا ننظر إلى كل فكرة أو كل شيء يمثله هذا الشخص على حدة وبحيادية تامة.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان دائمًا ما نتوقع الشر في الآخرين.فغالبًا ما نعتقد أن نية هذا الشخص أو ذاك سيئة.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان أصبحنا نخاف أن نُظهر الجانب الإيجابي الطيب منا. نحب أن نُظهر الجانب السلبي - القاسي - المتحفز، اعتقادًا منا بأن الطيبة وتوقع الخير وحسن النية تجاه الآخرين قد يٌفسر كنوع من السذاجة بل والعبط.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان لا نصارح بعضنا بما نظن أو نعتقد. ونستمر في مضاعفة المشاعر السلبية تجاه بعضنا دون أن نفهم وجهة النظر الأخرى.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان كثيرًا ما يعتقد الفرد أن رأيه هو الرأي السليم وما يُطبق عليه يطبق على الغير. في هذه الحالة إذا اختلف الآخر معي في الرأي، إذن فهو خطأ 100%.
نعم قد يكون رأي الفرد صحيح ومناسب له فقط وليس بالضرورة صحيح ومناسب لغيره.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان بعدنا بعض الشيء عن تعاليم ديننا الحنيف الذي حثنا على تقبل الآخر والمشورة واحترام نتائج هذه المشورة وما ينتج عنها من قرار يطبق على الجميع.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان تركنا الآخرين يتحكموا في حالتنا المزاجية. لو قررت إني أواظب على السعادة والابتسام والتفاؤل سأجد أنه من الصعب أن يؤثر أحد على هذا المزاج مما يدفعني في بعض الأحيان إلى التماس العذر للآخرين لأنني قررت أن أتفاءل وأبتسم.

ممكن نتخلى عن هذه الأسباب ونبحث عن الأسباب اللي تخلينا نطيق بعض!!!!!
ا

Everyone Deserves the Magical Effect of Smiling

2009-02-21T12:31:00.007+02:00

For all those who think that their mood is governed by their surroundings.
We used to hear people saying:
If you smile this will effect your inner soul and make you happy
We used to answer
That's nonsense

However, I did it people.
I realized that by smiling I can get over all my surroundings. I realized happiness is a decision. If you really decide to become happy, you will be able to. The first step to happiness is to smile. Wear the smiling face everyday in the morning.

Smiling makes you love your face and your own self, when you look at the mirror every morning.
Smiling at the face of others (normal people) makes them smile at your face, thus, making your smile bigger.
Smiling and deciding to keep the smile makes everything else in the day so trivial and worthless.
Smiling makes you calm and receptive to people comments and words, thus, objective.
Smiling makes you find excuses for others, thus, reducing conflicts.
Smiling at the face of others is a kind of mercy that God demanded from us, thus, it makes you gain God's blessing.
Smiling makes you see the positive side of everything, thus, it makes you optimistic.
Smiling opens your mind and heart to creative ideas and even challenges; you don't have the negative thoughts and emotions that can block your mind and heart.
Smiling makes you a nicer person towards other, thus, increasing your emotional banks.

Keep on telling yourself "I'm happy" and keep smiling, "Oh I'll keep my smile, it makes me happy, nothing and no one deserves to take that from me".
Do it for a week and see how it will affect your inner soul, mood, and relations. I assure you, you will do it for the week after and after....etc.

From a person who previously underestimated the Magical Effect of Smiling.

Words that Found Their Way into My Mind 1

2009-02-20T09:48:00.005+02:00

A magnetized piece of iron will lift about twelve times its own weight. But if you demagnatize the same piece of iron, it will not lift even a feather.
In the same way, there are two types of people. Those who are magnetized are full of confidence and faith. they are born to succeed and to win.
Others, so many others, are demagnetized. They are full of fears and doubts. When an opportunity comes, they say "What if I fail? I might lose money. People will laugh at me." People of that sort will not get very far in life. Their fear to go forward makes them simply stay where they are.

The law of your mind is the law of belief. This means to believe in the way your mind works, to believe in belief itself.
It is not the thing believed in, but the belief in your own mind that brings you the results. Stop accepting the false beliefs, opinions, superstitions, and fears that plague our humankind. Begin believing in the eternal verities and truths of life that never change. At this point you will move onward, upward, and Godward.

Your prayer is answered according to the universal law of action and reaction. Thought is incipient action. The reaction is the response from your subconscious mind that corresponds to the nature of your thought. Fill your mind with the concept of harmony, health, peace, and godwill, and wonders will happen in your life.

From the early pages of "The Power of your Subconscious Mind" for Dr. Joseph Murphy

Have you ever thought you can drive someone away!!

2009-02-07T13:47:00.027+02:00

Have you ever thought why a partner, a friend, or a colleague distances himself/herself from you?

Why he/she prefers to go along without you?

What will you do, if someone left you and doesn't want to hear from you?

Will you call this person a traitor or bad or unfair person?

Will you pity yourself and feel you are a victim of a heartless person?

Would you stop for a while before throwing your excuses on how this or that person left you without explanation?

Would you have the guts to confront yourself?!!!

Have you taken this person for granted?

Have you always believed he/she will be at your command anytime?

Have you hurt him/her before?

Have you talked?

After talking, have you repeated all the things that upset this person before, giving yourself the excuse that you are different, he/she must accept that?

Have you tried to avoid upsetting this person, since you know what he/she is sensitive to?

Have you noticed you hurt that person and continued on hurting him/her?

Have you believed that whenever you would like to talk and explain, this person will always listen and understand?

Haven't you ever thought that at one point, it might be too late to explain?

Have you really cared for this person the way he/she cared for you?

Have you always put yourself first even in the smallest things?

Have you always depended on letting this person be the one who asks you about what bothers you?

Have you ever cared to ask this person what bothers him/her?

Have you ever thought that at one point this person will be bored of his/her feelings being ignored?

Have you ever thought how this person cared for you and helped you?

Have you noticed how you frowned at that person while you smiled at the others?

Have you ever realized how cruel you were?

Have you ever thought WHY this person left you though it is not a nature in him/her to give up?

Have you ever thought WHY your pleading to this person is no more effective?

Think, think, think.......

If you lost one person, you may not have him/her back.

However, make it your mission not lose another; one that you really care for.

غرفة التأمينات

2009-02-02T20:59:00.020+02:00

أردت أن أجدد بطاقتي المدنية فذهبت في رحلة صباحية إلى مكتب التأمينات الاجتماعية لأحصل على الختم المطلوب. كان الجو جميلاً والمكان متربًا وزحمااااااااا. كالعادة أصطف الرجال في طابور طويل بالعرض والسيدات في طابور قصير بالطول مكون من سيدة واحدة ولكنها لا تظهر وسط طابور الرجال اللي بالطول والعرض. ما علينا، جاء رجل وزوجته لكي تجدد البطاقة هي الأخرى وأخذت دورها فيما يسمى بطابور السيدات ولذقت فيها ما هي معاها حماية ذكورية. زوجها وقف بجانبها في صف الرجال العريض. لم يكن لطابور النساء وجودًا إلى أن جاء هذا الرجل مفتول العضلات الذي أدخل زوجته بالعافية وطبعًا أنا لذق فيها. المهم ساعد الرجل زوجته في اختراق هذا الحصن المنيع من الرجال وحصلت على توقيع الموظف على الورق. بعد ذهابهما مددت يدي بالورق في فتحة الشباك الصغيرة المستديرة فإذا بأحد الرجال يدخل ورقة من الفتحة الموجودة بأسفل الشباك. طبعًا الموظف ماعبرنيش وأخذ الورق من الراجل اللي ذيه. ما عالينا، بصراحة ما خيبش أملي فهذا هو ما توقعت بالضبط.

بعد كده تمكنت من أن أمتلك الشباك وأسده بكل ما أتيت من عرض البنية مددت ذراعي لكي أحمي دوري وسط هذا الكم الهائل من الرجال. ما علينا، أعطيت الموظف الورق وأخذ يتفحصه ثم أعاده لي مع ورقة صغيرة دون أن تخرج كلمة واحده من فمه.
سألت: في حاجة تانية أعملها
برضو ماعبرنيش وأخذ الورق من الراجل اللي بعدي رغم الحماية التي فرضتها على الشباك.
ثم سألت مرة أخرى بصوت أعلى: في حاجة تاني!!!!!!!!
رد عليا بصوت خافت: أختمي الورق
رديت: أيوه حضرتك أختمه منين
رد بقرف وتأفف وكأن الكلام بفلوس: آخر الطورقة

ما علينا، ذهبت إلى آخر الطورقة زي ما قال فوجدت غرفة في الآخر سألت السيدات اللي في الغرفة
أريد أن أختم ورق البطاقة
برضو ما حدش رد
كررت سؤالي حوالي ثلاث مرات إلى أن تكرمت إحدى السيدات وشاورت بيديها ناحية الشمال. ذهبت إلى المكتب اللي في الشمال، فوجدت هذه السيدة بتشخط فيا وبتزعق بصوت عالي عمر ما أبويا وأمي زعأولي كده
الأوضة اللي عل الشمال
رديت: ياماما!!! أنا أسفة حضرتك ما تزعليش حاضر

ذهبت إلى الأوضة التانية
أنا: حضرتك أنا عايزة أختم ورق البطاقة
أخذت الموظفة الورق وقالت لي: عايزة إمضة مدير القسم ومدير المكتب
أنا: مش فاهمة حضرتك
ردت عليا بنرفزة وبصة جلاد على وشك أن يجلد المتهم: آخر الطورقة الناحية التانية مطرح ما جيتي
أنا بكل أدب وهدوء: حاضر حضرتك
بصوت واطي: يادي الطورقة اللي محيراكم
ما علينا

رحت لآخر الطورقة الناحية التانية
سألت موظف: لو سمحت أنا عايزة أوقع الورق من مدير القسم ومدير المكتب
الموظف: مديرة القسم مدام هناء
وأخذ ينظر في الورق الذي كان ينظر إليه من قبل دون أدنى حركة أخرى
أنا: أيوه حضرتك هي فين مدام هناء
بتأفف برضو وكائنها سمة غرفة التحقيقات قصدي التأمينات: المكتب اللي هناك
رحت للمكتب اللي هناك
أنا: حضرتك ممكن توقيعك على ورق البطاقة
مدام هناء: ثانية وحدة (وكأنها عايزة تقولي ما تصبري ياختي هو أنا فضيالك) ما علينا
استنيت ربع ساعة مع العلم إن ما فيش غيري. كل الحكاية إن مدام هناء مشغولة شوية بتتكلم مع موظف من أفراد الكتيبة قصدي القسم بتاعها
ما علينا
أخذت الورق وقامت بتوقعيه. أرتكبت نفس الجرم تاني واستجرئت وسألت: هوه فين مكتب مدير المكتب.
مدام هناء: يا فتاح يا عليم آخر الطورقة
رديت بيني وبين نفسي: ربنا يستر يا رب أخرج من الغرفة بسلام
ما علينا

رحت آخر الطورقة تاني وجدت مديرة المكتب. ست كده من الوزن التقيل يدوبك مكفيها مكتب لوحدها ومسكة قلم في أيد وسنكوتش طعمية في الأيد التانية. من كتر الطعمية اللي في فمها بتشاور. شاورتلي علشان أديها الورق وبعدين شاورت على البطاقة. الست معادنهاش وقت عندها عدد معين من أقراص الطعمية المطلوب إنجازه في أسرع وقت ممكن. التأمينات بتأفل الساعة 12 يا جماعة.
ما علينا

المهم حصلت على التوقيعين. وذهبت مرة أخرى للست بتاعة الختم. وجدتها منهمكة في حديث مع زميلاتها حول ملوخية أمبارح أد أيه كانت حلوة والراجل كان حيتجنن من جمالها.
أنا: حضرتك أنا جبت التوقيعات
لا حياة لمن تنادي دا أيه الإزعاج اللي أنا عملاه ده
أنا: حضرتك، حضرتك، حضرتك
الست الموظفة: أيوه حاضر نعم في حاجة
أنا: واللهي أنا جبت التوقيعات ذي ما قلتي لي
الست الموظفة: حاضر يا ستي أهوه
طخ طخ حصلت على الختمين

طلعت أجري من غرفة التأمينات أبحث عن تاكسي بس بصراحة كنت هلكانة من الضحك لدرجة إن سواق التاكسي قال لي:
جميل إن الواحد يصطبح بوجه سمح مبتسم

Words that Touched Me!

2009-01-31T05:51:00.011+02:00

I'm Not Immune to Gloom

EVA
Time and time again I've said that I don't care
That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through
and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me
So anyone can hurt me--and they do
So what happens now?

CHE
Another suitcase in another hall

EVA
So what happens now?

CHE
Take your picture off another wall

EVA
Where am I going to?

CHE
You'll get by you always have before

From Evita Movie

The Day We Drifted Apart & After

2009-01-29T23:06:00.002+02:00

Yes, the day we drifted apart
I felt pain, betrayal, anger, pity, and sorrow.

However,

After the day we drifted apart
I recognized that I can live without you

After the day we drifted apart
I realized that you are not the center of the world

After the day we drifted apart
I lifted a burden off my shoulders

After the day we drifted apart
I was able to put you in the right place

After the day we drifted apart
I became free of worrying about you getting me wrong

After the day we drifted apart
I found I have many other aspects of life

After the day we drifted apart
I saw life as a valuable gift

After the day we drifted apart
I discovered the world as a beautiful place

After the day we drifted apart
I felt the right to enjoy my life

After the day we drifted apart
I learnt how to love other people

After the day we drifted apart
I became a nicer person

After the day we drifted apart
I was able to love myself

After the day we drifted apart
I shined anew

Thank you for ALL the days AFTER the day we drifted apart

Written by me

I Love this Man

2009-01-29T22:25:00.001+02:00

He loves me the way I’m

And so do I

He respects my difference

And so do I

He appreciates my mind

And so do I

He gives me my privacy

And so do I

He is here for me

And so do I

He knows I have a will

And so do I

He looks for continuity

And so do I

He believes in me

And so do I

He is proud of me

And so do I

He shares his feelings with me

And so do I

He shares his thoughts with me

And so do I

He cares deeply for me

And so do I

He believes I’m the only one for him

And so do I

He sees his children in me

And so do I

He sees his success in mine

And so do I

He understands how I feel and think

And so do I

He knows what bothers me and what not

And so do I

He knows what pleases me

And so do I

He deliberately pleases me

And so do I

A Man I’m looking forward to

Consider their Feelings and Don't Take them for Granted

2009-01-29T21:50:00.005+02:00

When you take someone for granted, you may feel he/she is at your command any time. This may drive you to ignore or to distance yourself from him or her, or may be seek a different person. At this moment the person you took for granted starts wondering:
Am I no more important in his or her life.
Am I causing him or her a burden to care for, while he or she doesn't really care.
On the other side, you may say:
I no more accept the ties I'm bounded by.
I may just go away.
I don't have to emotionally depend on this or that person.
I know that whenever I'd like to be back, I'll find this person at my command.
This usually happens between family members.

On reaching a certain age, adults may feel that they no more depend on their parents. They start seeking others like friends, husbands, wives or distance themselves by any other ways from their parents. They don't feel the pain digging inside the hearts of their parents. They may feel that their parents are obsessed by controlling their lives. This might be true to a certain extent.
Some parents give their children their freedom from an early age. However, once the parents feel their children are getting out of control, even when they reach an old age, they get hurt.
Children, on the other hand, see that their parents don't have the right to that pain and they are overreacting. But when the children become in their parents' shoes, they start feeling the same. Parents actually feel that their children are taking them for granted; doing whatever they want without caring for their parents' opinions, since they know that whatever happens their parents will never go away.

It is only when you live alone without any connection to your family, you start longing for their opinions. At this time, you may not be able to reach them. Then only, you will start feeling you shouldn't have taken your parents for granted. You start thinking back in the times when you let your parents down thinking they are overreacting.

The only way out then is to know that you will never be able to ignore your parents, since one day you will need them. You may seek their opinions even if you are decided on a certain thing. Think of these opinions objectively. Get rid of your arrogance. If not convinced, don't do it but show them that you considered their opinions and they mean much to you. Show them they are still part of your life and still have an effect on it. They deserve to feel that always, since they know that they are the most ones who cared much for you, helped you through all your ordeals, and still caring. They need to keep feeling so. If they lost this feeling, they get frustrated and feel that whatever they did was useless.

Consider their feeling and don't take them for granted.

Parents from their parts must from the very beginning understand that their children are like the birds; when they grow up they will leave their parents' nest. Hence, when you become a parent don't centralize your whole life on your children. Don't only give them some space but also give yourself some space away from them. Track for yourself another goal of life away from your children's lives. Let it be a work goal to assert yourself or even try to achieve a personal wish like traveling all over the world. Have something for yourself. It is not wise to live for your children and only your children. Some day they will be no more children just like you.

كلمات لمستني

2009-01-02T15:50:00.000+02:00

صداقة القنافذ
الصداقة التي تشبه شيك على بياض... أو كارت بلانش... ليست صداقة بقدر ما هي خضوع وتسليم

الصداقة الكاملة هي التي تحتوي على قدر من هذه الخلافات الفاصلة الحافزة المنبهة المنشطة

الصديقان النموذجيان هما كزوج من القنافذ...يتعاطفان ويتعاونان ويتلازمان ويتقاربان...ولكن لا يذوبان في بعضهما لأن كل واحد له درقة من الأشواك تحميه من أن يقتحم عليه الآخر خصوصيته وسريته وحدانية نفسه وقدسية استقلاله

أنا انظر إلى هذه الخلافات على إنها وليدة الشخصية الإنسانية...وعلى إنها طبيعية...ليست شرًا خالصًا وليست لعنةً خالصة
الدكتور مصطفى محمود من كتاب يوميات نص الليل

أنا عايزة أتكلم

2009-01-01T18:41:00.000+02:00

أنا عايزة أتكلم وبس
أنا عايزة حد يسمعني وبس
أنا عايزة اللي يسمعني ينسى أنا قلت أيه
أنا عايزة اللي يسمعني ما يحكمش عليا ولا على غيري
أنا عايزة اللي يسمعني ما يدنيش حلول
أنا عايزة أتكلم والكلام يجي زي ما يجي
بدون حساب أو تفكير أو ترقب أو عتاب أو تصور
لأ لأ أنا مش عايزة أتكلم لأن كل كلمة يقولها اللسان تتحسب على الإنسان
سواء كان الكلام في لحظة ضعف أو ألم أو زعل أو غضب... وما أكترها لحظات
يبقى أحسن حد أتكلم معاه هو نفسي وبس

To My Sister Maggie

2008-12-28T08:35:00.000+02:00

To My Wonderful Sister Maggie,

In my life, experience taught me NOT to expect much from people, even my closest persons. I learnt from you the meaning of responsibility, how to be self-responsible and responsibility towards others. May be I’m not that responsible towards others, but I know how to bear responsibilities through you.

Going back to NOT expecting much from people, you smashed this belief, especially when it comes to you and your family.

I really want to thank you so much for your care about me when I was in Kuwait. Let me explain to you 2 cases; the case I expected and the actual case.

The case that I expected was satisfactory to me; I had no problem with it at all, if it was the actual case:

I thought we will meet only in weekends, due to the exam period and my work conditions.
I thought I’ll do my shopping myself in most of the days.
I thought I’ll thoroughly depend on myself in most of the things.

The Actual Case that made me feel I’m important to you more than I ever expected is:

You were with me heart and soul in every little thing in the morning, the afternoon, and the night.
We almost met every day, Ihab was so nice to me bringing me to your place from work almost every day. In a number of times, I was late and never felt any annoyance on his part.
Every day you had to bring me back to the hotel.
Mariuma and Shery were very nice and loving. I was really very touched when they stayed with me for a night. It was the best night I had there.
You went shopping with me and did a lot of things for me, though your daughters were in the middle of their mid-year exams. You never let me go shopping myself.
A day when I forgot my charger at work, you drove to the hotel and brought me your computer charger, though Shery was having an Arabic test 2 days later.
I felt your keenness and sincerity to help me get whatever I want.

What really surprised me was a very strange question you asked a day before leaving Kuwait “Hope we didn’t upset you. Did we?” I think after all that, I’ll never be justified to be upset with you or any person from your loving family.

Thank you so much, I really felt loved, important, and cared for more than I ever expected. You made me let go my belief “not to expect much even from the closest persons”.

Now I believe “I can expect much specially from the closest person to my heart Maggie” I Love YOU More Than You Can Ever Imagine. You are such a sweet, amazing, loving, and responsible sister. God bless you and your family in everything you do or wish to do or have.

For 15 years now I used to miss you when you are at Kuwait, but this year now I’m missing you and your family more than ever.

هوه علشان أنا بنت/ست

2008-12-27T18:40:00.001+02:00

هوه علشان أنا ست في مجتمع ذكوري بحت يحق لأي حد محاولة استغلالي
أو يضحك عليا
بياع، سواق تاكسي، عميل

هوه علشان أنا بنت حكش من أي حد يعلي صوته شوية يعني
خدوهم بالصوت ليغلبوكم

هوه علشان أنا بنت لازم أفقد صفات الرقة والأنوثة
علشان أرد وأدافع عن نفسي

هوه علشان أنا بنت لازم استنى اللي يحميني ويدافع عني

هوه علشان أنا بنت لازم اعتمد على رجل سواء أب أو أخ أو قريب أو زوج

هوه عشان أنا بنت مسموح لأي حد يزاحم ويخليني اتحرج وأوسع في طابور التذاكر مثلاً

هوه علشان أنا بنت مستقلة وعمري ما حسست حد إني عبء وبعرف أتصرف في أمور كثيرة (طبعًا مش كل حاجة) ممكن أتحب
لكن لما نيجي للجواز تظهر الإمارة وأني لازم اتبع فلان علشان ده الزوج والمفروض ألغي عقلي يأما ماتجوزش أحسن

هوه علشان أنا بنت لازم علشان أحج أو أعمل عمرة يكون معايا محرم
رغم إن الشرع بيسمح لي بالسفر طالما في صحبة آمنة

هوه علشان أنا بنت لما أسوق في الشارع وأرتكب خطأ يبقى علشان إحنا ستات ما بنعرفش نسوق ولو كان راجل بيقى معلش أهي غلطة

حد يجاوبني هل العالم هوه اللي غلط ولا أنا اللي مش طبيعية؟

Arabize Reading Group Story

2008-12-27T18:31:00.001+02:00

Our book club journey started on 14^th May 2007. We are really blessed by two inspiring and open-minded ladies; our CEO; Mrs. Manal Amin, and our Consultant; Ms. Lobna Zietoun. A year ago, in an attempt to enhance their employees' skills, they decided to form groups: A reading group, newsletter group, knowledge base group, mind mapping group…etc.

Actually, I’m a member of 3 groups now but the most successful group is the reading group. We started with 11 members including Mrs. Manal and Ms. Lobna. In one-year time, we became 25 members.

In the first month and as an encouragement, Mrs. Manal and Ms. Lobna bought all the members two books for the first month. Later, we made a schedule in which every two members suggest a book for the month. We are used to set a gathering date every month after working hours. We discuss the book/books of the month. In the course of action, we make mind maps for the book themes, comparisons with our daily lives or current events, comparisons with other books, and comparisons with movies or some extracts from them.

The selection of books was widely open. We read various books eastern and western, Arabic and English, novels, dramas, and soft skill books. Our list of books included the Alchemist for Paulo Coelho, The Beggar for the Egyptian Nobel prize winner Naguib Mahfouz, Men from Mars and Women from Venus for John Gray, Around the World in 200 Days for Anees Mansour…etc.

What is really exciting is that some of us who were reluctant readers became keen ones, others read in fields or kinds of books they haven’t heard or read about at all, others developed critique skills, and most of us found very inspiring thoughts in the books we read.

Starting from last February, we have had a sub-team from the reading group reading and analyzing Steven Covey’s 7 Habits. The team is divided into pairs. Every two members are responsible for a habit. They study and present it to team members. Each month we have a habit. What’s really amazing is that each month we put a habit into action and make our practical exercises to be able to continue with the following habit to become effective people. It is also so important here to highlight the team spirit we work with on the 7 habits. Regardless of who is responsible for presenting a certain habit, we help them by every means. Actually, each month presentation is an outcome of a team work rather than 2 persons. We are learning how to share a common goal and work for it with a team spirit.

In celebrating our year one anniversary, we had several ideas. First, Mrs. Manal and Ms. Lobna bought us remarkable books, a book for each. We decided to make a list of these books (25 books) and have them shared among us. Second, some of us re-read the first book we had (The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho) and made a storytelling meeting for the book club newcomers to tell them the story and reflect on how it affected each of us during the whole year. We also gave each of them The Alchemist book as a gift. Third, in appreciation to the first group members, Ms. Lobna gave everyone a book matching his/her interests.

It is not me only who is proud of this experience but all of us: people who encouraged us, our CEO and Consultant, and even ourselves for being persistent on keeping and developing our reading group.

Do it Your Way Or Else You Won't Be Yourself

2008-12-12T22:55:00.001+02:00

What do you feel when you're told that you're wrong? Don't do it this way, you have to do it as someone else did to get what you want, which is probably what the others want for you.

Actually I'm board. Why does everyone give himself the right to ask people to do what he believes is right. What about the other person? Is he given the chance to think what he wants and how he wants to achieve it?

Examples are many. I have a friend who is a housewife and she doesn't have children. However, she is so satisfied with her life. She reads a lot, learns sewing and does lots of other activities that she likes to do. Everybody else is blaming her. You know that staff of "You have to work to make your life useful", "You are trapped at home", "Your mind will get frozen and you won't know what's going outside" etc.

No one ever asked her how she enjoys her time at home? No one ever thought that it is her own free life choice; she is highly satisfied with it. This is her way of life, even if it doesn't agree with most of us.

This drives us to the conclusion that what satisfies me doesn't necessary satisfy others. We have to look for our way in our own way to be satisfied. Even if, we may have some regrets, it is fair enough that we did it our own way.

Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not telling you to discard others' advice. We have to ask for advice, but at the end we have our own life and decisions that may be positively affected by others' advice without drifting from the course we planned for ourselves.

"When you see others doing something that brings great success, you might want to follow what they do. If you also love doing what they are doing, then this is great for you. But what if you hate doing it? How well do you think it’s going to work for you? You might find some success with it if you keep working harder and harder, but it’s not going to make you happy. You’re not going to have a sense ofsatisfaction each time you complete such an activity. It will probably just leave you drained.", from the article "Real Success Comes from Doing it Your Way".

Now I'll let you with an extract from Frank Sinatra's "I did it My Way" that summarizes the whole thing:

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way
I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way"For what is a man, what has he got?

If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!
Yes, it was my way

Comments on Al-Shahaz

2008-12-12T22:04:00.000+02:00

1. Al-Shahaz is a novel by Naguib Mahfouz.
The novel mainly focuses on the journey of Omar who is sick with the loss of meaning in life. He is bored with his routine life including his work, and his family.

What first opened his eyes to the meaningless of his life that led to his frustration is a discussion he had with one of his clients. Omar (being a lawyer) wondered about a client who was happy to have his land back telling him that sooner or latter it will be nationalized, the man answered him "ألسنا نعيش في الحياة ونعلم أن الله سيأخذها".
Omar kept repeating this say all through the novel.
His old friend (Othman) with whom he fought against the king's and his men's tyranny is about to be released from prison. This reminds him of the old days when he was a fighter for freedom and justice, an activity which he abandoned after his friend's arrest. He is shameful from Othman who sacrificed himself for his friends and protected them. He has a feeling of guilt for abandoning the case and going on with his materialistic life.
"قلب العالم رأسًا على عقب. انتهى في السجن. وسوف يخرج يومًا. بعد بضعة أعوام. وسوف تتلاقى الأعين في دهشة مزعجة."
In the past as a rebel, Omar felt that his life was meaningful. In the present as a great & rich lawyer, and a husband, he feels that this means nothing. He is bored with all this. His present life is a normal monotonous life that contrasts with his past rebellious life. He wants to make abnormal things (even if they are against traditions & social norms) to get over this boredom. He has no purpose in life.
Mostafa (Omar's other friend): "الحقيقة أن عملك جاوز بك أبعد غايات النجاح، وأن زوجك تعبدك، فلم تعد أمامك غاية تتطلع إليها"
Omar replies sarcastically: "هل أسأل الله فشلاً في العمل وخيانة في الزوجية؟".
His affair with Warda was the symbol for a rebellion against the routine. However, after some while he found out that his affair with Warda or any other women can never satisfy his anxiousness for a meaningful life. For him Warda has become just like his wife (boring). This rebellion can never be equal to his past rebellion against tyranny. Thus, he was kept in loss.

2. The second thing that drew my attention to this novel is the change in the political life especially of Omar and Mostafa after the 23rd of July. People became indifferent:
Mostafa says: "ما دامت الدولة تحتضن المبادئ التقدمية وتطبقها أليس من الحمكة أن نهتم بأعمالنا الخاصة؟"
Omar commenting on Mostafa's so-called Theatrical Art: "كأن تبيع اللب والفشار وتتسائل عن معنى الوجود"

Mostafa commenting on Omar's affair with Warda: "أو أعشق لأبلغ اليقين"

3. A thing that we can sense in our present is that Science has become the master of the world; only Science. Whereas, Art has become only a means for entertainment. Art no more addresses the mind and feelings of people. If you are interested in studying literature, then your place will be only within the borders of universities. Valuable Art is no more part of the public life and does not contribute to the human life. It is no more a cause for the sublimity and nobility of the soul.
Mostafa (the Artist): .... أزمة فنان بيحث عن شكل جديد بعد أن أعياه المضمون..."
"Othman (the released friend): "ولم أعياه المضمون؟"
Mostafa: "لأنه كلما عثر على موضوع وجده مبتذلاً من كثرة الاستعمال..."
Othman: "ولكن الفنان يضفي من نفسه على موضوعه فيصير جديد في الحدود على الأقل"
Mostafa: "لم يعد هذا مقنعًا في عصر الثروات الجذرية، عصر العلم، وقد تبوأ العلم العرش فوجد الفنان نفسه ضمن الحاشية المنبوذة الجاهلة، وكم ود أن يقتحم الحقائق الكبرى ولكن أعياه العجز والجهل، وحز في نفسه فقدان عرشه فانقلب (غاضبًا) أو (عدوًا للرواية) أو (لا معقول)، ولما استحوذ العلماء على الإعجاب بمعادلاتهم غير المفهومة نزع الفنانون المنهارون إلى سرقة الإعجاب باستحداث أثار شاذة مبهمة غريبة، وأنت إن لم تستطع أن تستلفت أنظار الناس بالتفكير العميق الطويل فقد تستطيعه بأن تجري في ميدان الأوبرا عاريًا..""ولذلك اخترت أبسط الطرق وأصدفها وهو أن أكون مسليًا..."

Hey, I’m a Human Being

2008-12-10T12:07:00.001+02:00

What is a human being? What makes me a human being? Is it my flesh? My blood? My spirit? My soul? My brain? My mind? Or a mix of all?
What really makes me feel a human are my deeds that combine every human aspect in me. My bad and good deeds. Sometimes I’m a saint, sometimes I’m a sinner. Sometimes I’m an animal, sometimes I’m a human. Sometimes I’m mad, sometimes I’m calm. Sometimes I’m crazy, sometimes I’m rational. Sometimes I’m hard, sometimes I’m soft. Sometimes I’m heartless, sometimes I’m compassionate.

Is it normal to have all these contradictions and paradoxes? Are other humans the same? Are humans either good or bad; saints or devils? Can you honestly tell yourself that you have never felt any negative feeling towards anyone? That you have never lied in any kind of situation? That you have never talked about anyone behind her/his back? That you have never…..etc. Which side you believe is dominate the good or the bad?

Before you answer think: Have I passed through all kinds of tests to realize the person I’m; what I’m capable of. Whenever I do a bad thing, do I justify what I did saying “The situation was very tough, it drove me to do a thing that I wouldn’t do in normal situations”. But what is a normal situation, is it to live in peace, with no tests to go through?! Of course this is the abnormal. Think of times and conditions when people made mistakes, be objective, don’t take the role of a judge. Think if you got in their shoes, what will be your reaction? Will you be the good person you convince yourself you are?

What’s rolling in my head these days is that: As humans, we all know we make mistakes, we actually have to. Do I look back and consider my mistakes? Even if I do, do I find excuses for my sins and mistakes? Do I convince myself I had no other choice? OR Do I give away my claim that I’m a saint and be convinced I made a mistake that I must not do again? (Even saints make mistakes, after all they are humans) Do I repent? Even after repenting, do I really prevent myself from repeating the same mistake? Do I complain to Allah my weakness? Ask for forgiveness and help to reform myself?

If I’m a human who makes mistakes
I should be a human who knows I made mistakes
I should be a human who asks my creator to wash away all my sins
I should be a human who aims at overcoming my natural weakness
As a human being

ISA Misuse

2008-08-22T17:09:00.001+03:00

Have you ever noticed how ISA (In Shaa Allah) is misused? Have you ever realized the gravity of ISA misuse? Have you ever considered how we transform the meaning of a sublime quote intentionally or unintentionally?

Actually, I did.

A year ago I was in a work trip at Qatar. I met different people from different countries, backgrounds, cultures and religions. Thanks to Allah, that I had the open mind to deal with these differences. I was working with a Singaporean team. We both were working at a Qatari organization. One day, the Singaporean Project Manager asked me a strange question:

PM: Shimaa, when you say God Willing, does it mean you will not do the job?

Me: No of course not. Why do you think so?

PM: Since it always happens that way. Whenever anyone here tells me God Willing, he or she says it in an ironic tone and usually they don’t do the job.

Of course I believed her, since I saw this myself.

Me: look Jeannie this is a misuse of the quote. God Willing or as we say it InshaaAllah and even write it ISA in mails doesn’t contradict with commitment. You know God ordered our prophet himself to say these words whenever he is about to do anything. The point is that we may want to do something and we are committed to doing it, however, we may not be able to since God doesn’t want that for us. This has nothing to with people who misuse this sublime quote.

PM: How come that you may want something and God wants to keep you from doing it?

Me: Sometimes you believe in something so much and want to do it so much, but something stops you. At this point you may get angry and upset, then later…

PM: Oh yes, you realize that it has been better this way, because it wasn’t actually the best for you.

Me: Exactly, that’s when God protects you from things you believed they are good.

PM: You know, you and your colleague always say these words, but you are always committed to finish your work.

Me: Yes, this is the right thing to do when you say InShaaAllah.

PM: I got it now some misuse these words and others use them correctly.

Do you see now how we may misrepresent our religion and sublime thoughts? This woman talked to me and discussed the matter to understand. Others may not do the same, and say the Muslims take God as an excuse for lack of commitment. Please, take care how we can use and represent our religion and culture.