A Realization that Came After 28 Years

After 28 years of her life, she finally realized the MAN she has been living or may be NOT living with for her entire life.

Whenever, she was asked does she love him, she answers "Of course he is my dad". She never thought of any other reason. She wasn't that kind of girl who talks with her dad about herself, her dreams, her personal life, or even her educational or professional life. There has always been a wall of silence between them. Now, it doesn't matter why this was happening; or who’s to blame him or her.

What really matters is that after 28 years of silence, she realized the person her dad is. It took her about 7 years since she left college to know him. This realization came through others. Previously, whenever she wanted to get, buy, learn or do something she can't do on her own, she went to him. She was so authoritative in her tone "Dad you have to do it, who else should I go to, it is part of your responsibility, you always help others and not happy to help me bla, bla, bla" Her dad used to yell back at her for this way, but he never let her down. He always did what she wanted. Of course, her tone was so cruel for a dad to bear, but she couldn't realize this, since her dad returned her emotional silence with silence in his part. He never showed her how much she hurt him.

For 7 years now she started to get nicer. All of sudden, she started to realize how mean this has been. She started to ask for help in a nicer way, but still the wall of silence exists. Today, she wanted to get a car. Today, she started to realize how her father is a very loveable person. Everyone is there for him, his relatives, his friends, his companions, and even people that he barely knows. When he started to ask about the best and most affordable car for his daughter, she found many people at her command:

• Someone who helped her to get the driving license
• Someone who got her a discount from a friend of his, a salesman working in a car store
• Someone who drove the car home for her, since she is not very good at driving yet
• Someone who went with her to get the car papers and license from a very far city
• Two people who insisted on training her on driving her car

In all these steps her dad was with her. All these people, she didn’t meet or see before. They did that not for her but for her dad. She saw how these people love and appreciate her dad. The way he contributed to these people's emotional banks, helped her. She told her dad "how can I pay back for all this help from all these people". He answered in a very natural way "It is pre-paid already. Don't bother yourself with that". She realized how her dad was helpful for others, and they haven’t taken it for granted as she has. They are in a race willing to pay back and help him in whatever he wants. She realized how sincere, sensitive, considerate, trusted, and amazing person her father is in the way people treated her.

He never showed her that he once got hurt from her past arrogance, ignorance, and unappreciation.

Now after years of silence, she can't tell him:

• How much she is touched by people's love to him
• How much she appreciates his contribution to her life, that she never did before
• How much she regrets taking him for granted
• How much she wants to tell him she loves him so much, but she can't now since she never did before
• How much she fears he might not understand what she passed through that makes her so sincere in saying for the 1st time in her life "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DAD AND I APPRECIATE YOUR KINDNESS AND BACKING ME UP IN EVERYTHING" Is it too late?
• How many times he drove her to tears by his kindness and unconditional love and the love she sees in people's eyes

Yes, may be she doesn't talk much to him, but she wishes to break this wall of silence and invite him into her life. She thinks she might deserve this now after this realization. But would he forgive her or may be his kindness and sincerity are already blinding him to the hurt she caused him.

The problem is that she can't tell him any of this. She explained it to me. I wrote it. I hope that someday someone who knows them both can explain to him all this. I'm really driven to tears; they are freezing in my eyes.