After 28 years of her life, she
finally realized the MAN she has been living or may be NOT living with for her entire life.
Whenever, she was asked does she love him, she answers "Of course he is my dad". She never thought of any other reason. She wasn't that kind of girl who talks with her dad about herself, her dreams, her personal life, or even her educational or professional life. There has always been a wall of silence between them. Now, it doesn't matter why this was happening; or who’s to blame him or her.
What really matters is that after 28 years of silence, she realized the person her dad is. It took her about 7 years since she left college to know him. This realization came through others. Previously, whenever she wanted to get, buy, learn or do something she can't do on her own, she went to him. She was so authoritative in her tone "Dad you have to do it, who else should I go to, it is part of your responsibility, you always help others and not happy to help me bla, bla, bla" Her dad used to yell back at her for this way, but he never let her down. He always did what she wanted. Of course, her tone was so cruel for a dad to bear, but she couldn't realize this, since her dad returned her emotional silence with silence in his part. He never showed her how much she hurt him.
For 7 years now she started to get nicer. All of sudden, she started to realize how mean this has been. She started to ask for help in a nicer way, but still the wall of silence exists. Today, she wanted to get a car. Today, she started to realize how her father is a very loveable person. Everyone is there for him, his relatives, his friends, his companions, and even people that he barely knows. When he started to ask about the best and most affordable car for his daughter, she found many people at her command:
finally realized the MAN she has been living or may be NOT living with for her entire life. Whenever, she was asked does she love him, she answers "Of course he is my dad". She never thought of any other reason. She wasn't that kind of girl who talks with her dad about herself, her dreams, her personal life, or even her educational or professional life. There has always been a wall of silence between them. Now, it doesn't matter why this was happening; or who’s to blame him or her.
What really matters is that after 28 years of silence, she realized the person her dad is. It took her about 7 years since she left college to know him. This realization came through others. Previously, whenever she wanted to get, buy, learn or do something she can't do on her own, she went to him. She was so authoritative in her tone "Dad you have to do it, who else should I go to, it is part of your responsibility, you always help others and not happy to help me bla, bla, bla" Her dad used to yell back at her for this way, but he never let her down. He always did what she wanted. Of course, her tone was so cruel for a dad to bear, but she couldn't realize this, since her dad returned her emotional silence with silence in his part. He never showed her how much she hurt him.
For 7 years now she started to get nicer. All of sudden, she started to realize how mean this has been. She started to ask for help in a nicer way, but still the wall of silence exists. Today, she wanted to get a car. Today, she started to realize how her father is a very loveable person. Everyone is there for him, his relatives, his friends, his companions, and even people that he barely knows. When he started to ask about the best and most affordable car for his daughter, she found many people at her command:
- Someone who helped her to get the driving license
- Someone who got her a discount from a friend of his, a salesman working in a car store
- Someone who drove the car home for her, since she is not very good at driving yet
- Someone who went with her to get the car papers and license from a very far city
- Two people who insisted on training her on driving her car
In all these steps her dad was with her. All these people, she didn’t meet or see before. They did that not for her but for her dad. She saw how these people love and appreciate her dad. The way he contributed to these people's emotional banks, helped her. She told her dad "how can I pay back for all this help from all these people". He answered in a very natural way "It is pre-paid already. Don't bother yourself with that". She realized how her dad was helpful for others, and they haven’t taken it for granted as she has. They are in a race willing to pay back and help him in whatever he wants. She realized how sincere, sensitive, considerate, trusted, and amazing person her father is in the way people treated her.
He never showed her that he once got hurt from her past arrogance, ignorance, and unappreciation.
He never showed her that he once got hurt from her past arrogance, ignorance, and unappreciation.
Now after years of silence, she can't tell him:
- How much she is touched by people's love to him
- How much she appreciates his contribution to her life, that she never did before
- How much she regrets taking him for granted
- How much she wants to tell him she loves him so much, but she can't now since she never did before
- How much she fears he might not understand what she passed through that makes her so sincere in saying for the 1st time in her life "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DAD AND I APPRECIATE YOUR KINDNESS AND BACKING ME UP IN EVERYTHING" Is it too late?
- How many times he drove her to tears by his kindness and unconditional love and the love she sees in people's eyes
Yes, may be she doesn't talk much to him, but she wishes to break this wall of silence and invite him into her life. She thinks she might deserve this now after this realization. But would he forgive her or may be his kindness and sincerity are already blinding him to the hurt she caused him.
The problem is that she can't tell him any of this. She explained it to me. I wrote it. I hope that someday someone who knows them both can explain to him all this. I'm really driven to tears; they are freezing in my eyes.
The problem is that she can't tell him any of this. She explained it to me. I wrote it. I hope that someday someone who knows them both can explain to him all this. I'm really driven to tears; they are freezing in my eyes.
Shemo, that was really touching (even more than Magi!!)
ReplyDeleteWell, it's never too late, u know, she can invite him in her life bit by bit, but the most important thing is that she should get started, and after awhile she will find the right moment to tell him that she really loves him and appreciate all what he did for her, she must know that it's never too late to be his friend and daughter .
As for him I don't think that he feels that he has anything to forgive her for, as being a father means to love your child unconditionally, without waiting for her to say thank u or I love u, he is not waiting for appreciation, all that he is waiting for is for her to be happy!! only by that he WILL be happy.
على فكرة كل الناس عارفة عنة الصفات دي بس احنا اللي كان عندنا شبة تعتيم على سلوكياتة كي لايشارك احد اخر في ولائنا و حبنا كما انة خدوم فعلا بطبعة و يحب جميع الناس ولا يضع اى اعتبار لمصلحتة فقط يريد الاحساس بحب الناس و تقديرهم له نظرا لافتقاد هذا في البيت و نصيحتي ان تداومي و تتوسلي للحصول على رضائة مهما حصل حيث انة لم يعد في العمر اكثر مما فات فاغتنمي و ابتكري الفرص للتعبير عن حبك و امتنانك لة حتى لا تندمي على ما فات حاولي ارضائة و التعبير عن حبك بكل صراحة و بدون تردد حتى لو كان رد فعلة غريب حتى يتاكد و يعتاد على تعبيرك عن حبة لانة انسان يحبة الناس جميعا و من يحبة الناس يحبة الله و رسولة ويا ريت تحاولي توصيتة بالصلاة بكل رقة و ادب لكي تصنعي له معروفا في الدنيا و الاخرة
ReplyDeleteWould you please tell her this for me:
ReplyDelete"IT IS NEVER TOO LATE IF YOU START RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT".
"This realization is a blessing that not every one has, you can see the whole image now and for sure this is the time when you can act differently.
I know it is hard, I know the wall is too high, I know when you can have lots and lots of conversations with him in your mind but you can't talk any of it. But don't you think you deserve the disappearance of this wall?! This realization is a hope, a hope that will be only understood by those who don't have it.
Let him in your world, start by something extraordinary, like inviting him to dinner, where you can talk and talk. Start to know him well on your own, and let him know you as well. Show him kindness not as a compensation for the past years, but because it is your nature. Tell him your story, and if you can't tell him that, tell it as if it is a friend's story. Take ideas from him what a girl in her place should do. He could surprise you by wonderful solutions, and he could surprise you even more by telling you that parental love is unconditional and that her dad understands. In both cases you should know you are already forgiven.
Start new, start a fresh start, without the burden of compensation or the burden of the past years with the wall of silence.
Please you have a chance that some people don't get, don't waste it".
Shimaa, you described the feeling so deeply, you made me cry, and now I can not stop.
Take good care of your self and of your friend.
Don't let her give up, don't let her give in to one more day with the wall of silence.
Love you.
Reham
حلوه قوي يا شبماء، حلو أنك عرفت قيمة باباك قبل فوات الأوان، وطبعا السبب الرخصة ومشاكلها. لا تبخلي عليع بأن تعبري له عن مشاعرك
ReplyDeleteلبنى زيتون
The blog design is very nice. LZ
ReplyDeletevery nice it dorve me to tears because as if you were writing my very own life story
ReplyDeleteLOVED it
Ruba
A little late, better than never!
ReplyDeletePlease tell her: "Do not hesitate to act according to your realization especially if u know the person deserves.
Don't regret anything, there is always a chance for a comeback :)"
Mai
Don't Give Up
ReplyDeleteInvite him to dinner, and then ask him what advice he would give to the girl in the story. I believe he will understand.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that there is a wall between you two, but it is also true that there is a wall within yourself in this matter. It will help to create a situation that allow you to go beyond your own wall. Any situation that allows this will be sufficient.
What a wonderful post.....when one says it is never too late it's true....for her....she needs to do this for herself, her father already knows she loves him, even when she didn't realize her love for him herself, how does he know? He too was a young man who had the same feelings for his own father, a father's love is unconditional....I do pray she will make peace with herself while she still has her father, but I know he knows and he knows that I know.......:-) Hugs
ReplyDelete