Believe it or not, I love my wolf. I don't see it as evil at all. On the contrary I see it as a blessing from God. Yes I was a lamb but deep inside a wolf was growing feeding on the hurts, agonies, boundaries, and restrictions the lamb passed to him. It started young and then grew. It is now in its youth phase. At the beginning, my wolf gave me negative feelings and anger. It kept on biting many people that stand in its way. Thanks God I was aware of this and tried to control it as much as I can so that it does not bit everyone.
Now, I'm taming it. I'm talking to it, understanding it, and even loving it. Thanks to this wolf, I got some energy that I lost. Yes it was negative at the beginning and may be still little negative but not as strong as it started. I'm facing this negativity with positivity. I had the following conversation with my wolf and helped him understand:
Me: What do you want?
My Wolf: Freedom
Me: Then get it. No one will give it to you.
My Wolf: Everyone is giving himself the right to put fences even if they are covered with love and fear of confrontations and agonies. Everyone thinks I'm stable now, since nothing is changing. They don't know that I'm a free animal, who looks for change, who wants to explore the world, who can't stay in one place, who never enjoys stability. Stability is my reason of disturbance.
Me: Give yourself the right to reject restrictions that limit you or your change ambition. Seek your own freedom smartly.
Calm down, use your smartness, cunning, and planning techniques in taking few little steps that with time will get you out and give you the power to leap to get what you want. Take hold of your freedom and don't ever let it go.
My Wolf: If I get my freedom I'll hurt many loved ones.
Me: For your loved ones, you are hurting them already with your unresolved anger. Have in mind that some of them had lived their lives the way they wanted and for them this might be the most perfect life. It might not be the same for you. Your loved ones have others to depend on. Your loved ones might get hurt in the beginning but then they may get used to and the hurt will minimize. If you are hurting them with your anger now, why don't you stop it. Keep the hurt till the moment when you have to pursuit your own life and dream; in your search for a meaning of life that makes sense to you even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.
My Wolf decided to be tamed, to think and plan, and replace the stupid anger. My Wolf started to love himself. He needs to start taking actions towards his dream. If he won't, he might get back to the anger state.
Self-awareness is a blessing, I am glad you are blessed. :-)
ReplyDeleteThe wolf is part of you now. Only a part of you, a part if you worked with (as a team) will lead you to a much better status.
May God send you more signs to lead you to your right track.
"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation." We can make use of agony and anger sometimes.
ReplyDeleteDo NOT worry Honey! It is not the evil; it's the other side in our chrachters. The Side which is remembering us all the time that we are not angels! we are not prophets!
ReplyDeleteAll of us have the same WOLF!! but my wolf is a killer! doesn't kill the others but it kills me!
I LOVE My Killer! :)
Ur description of ur wolf and the picture remind me by the cute good wolf in "Dancing with wolves"
ReplyDeleteUr wolf is absolutely good
Lobna, we are not on the same situation. I refuse to let anything or anyone kill me even if it is my own self. I'll always fight this.
ReplyDeleteBeing good or evil depends on how I perceive my wolf, or whether I'm ready to control it or just leave it control me. Of course I'm not an angel and my wolf sometimes or may be many times gets the upper hand but I do not let the evilness of my wolf dominate me or allow him to kill me.
Teach your wolf how to be your friend not your own enemy.
I love the style of conversation and the symbol of the wolf on several aspects, the choice of the which animal, the subtle message behind the picture of the Lamb image beneath and the fact that you chose an animal not a character. There is a movie I don’t remember the name, but it depicts all of us with a side animal that no one sees but is a true representation of who we are inside. It also shows the real interaction between the “character” animals of the different personalities while the human “image” acts in a different way.
ReplyDeleteI think a big part of this is that you are (while it will sound cliché) growing up. You are coming out so to speak, as opposed to the Lamb image that you were put into and identified by, because maybe this is what your family saw, or your friends wanted or the society expected….
In other words you are identifying with the real you, your true identity, along the way you will be; confused (because you don’t know what’s happening), sad (because part of you is resisting the change and would rather stay in the current comfort of the known), angry (because the new you has been bottled up so the first reaction of freedom is anger on what has been), lost (because maybe the real you has different objectives).
Also the new you, is still a baby so it will stumble along the first few steps until you take full control of your new identity.
Not everyone is as self aware as you are, I agree with Reham it is a blessing.
Don’t fight it… ride the wave. ;)
ET
Dear ET,
ReplyDeleteThis is amazing. The way you analyze this is very true. You are helping me in my self discovery. I agree with you in the way you analyzed every emotion; analysis that I couldn't reach yet. Exactly as I thought, you came up with something inspirational, deep, and different.
Thanks for the push, I promise I won't fight it :)
Lots of love,
Shimaa
Dear Shimaa,
ReplyDeleteI read your blog today, and I must say that I am very proud of you. I see that you are a writer in your heart, and I loved the conversation you carried out with your wolf. The human spirit is amazing, and you have learned how to develop it, and "tame" it as you say. You are definitely on the right track. Just give your wolf free reign, and see where he will lead you. Your visualization is wonderful, and I am curious to see where it will lead you.
Lots of love,
Salwa
Dear Dr. Salwa,
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for your words. I feel spoiled but I love to be spoiled anyway. My wolf is telling me that whatever your dream is it has to involve writing. Now you are amusing my wolf with your comment. ISA I'll keep posting. Just pray for me. You can't imagine the positive energy my wolf is filled with, an energy that is caused by you, my other friends who support me as well, and a friend who is seeking my help and wants to take the trip with me.
I haven't been that high since a very long time.
Lots of love to you too. I wish you the most fulfilling life you want.