The Upside of Anger....Anger in its Deepest Manifestations

Anger…Why do I get angry?.....Am I that much hurt?.....Am I aware of all the facts that drive me angry?....Am I justified for inflecting my anger on others?.....Am I forcing others to support me?....Am I striving on my loved ones’ support?....Am I inflecting my anger on them?....Am I poisoning their lives?....Am I changing to a shrew?....Am I giving up my wisdom and caring nature for anger?....Do I deserve a slap to wake me up from my anger?....OR Is it ok to release my anger so that I can calm down?

The Story
 
The movie “Upside of Anger” revolves around all these questions. It is the story of Terry Wolfmeyer; a housewife with four daughters. She is consumed with anger over her husband who mysteriously abandoned his family. Terry believes he left to Sweden with his young Swedish secretary. Terry’s solution to her heartbreak is in absolute anger and burying all her sorrows and self-pity in her glass of vodka.

She has problem with each of her daughters: “Four girls? One that hates me, two or three that are leaning that way.” Hadely is the eldest. She is a fresh college graduate who decided to marry her boyfriend with whom she was involved for three years without her mother’s slightest knowledge. Andy refuses to go to college and instead she is seeking a job as a reporter against her mother’s will. Emily is the dreamer who wants to be a ballet dancer and applying for the college of arts. In her mothers’ opinion this is no serious education. The youngest is Popeye, a 15 year old, who was never taken seriously either by her mum or sisters “You are child..What do you know”. However, she is the most mature of them all and she holds the moral of the movie.

Terry has a neighbor; Denny the former baseball player. Just like Terry he is desperate. He used to admire her. He is a sport Shaw presenter who doesn’t want to talk baseball. When her husband deserted her, Denny came to her support. He started as just a drinking partner then he developed real feelings and care for Terry and her daughters

My life is falling apart…I expect some compassion from you

In seeking her daughters’ support, Terry gives them no choice. She angrily demands their consideration and compassion. While her daughters were preparing dinner for her, she said furiously “My life is falling apart…I expect some compassion from you”

She doesn’t even give them the choice whether to hate their father or to look for explanation from his side. She decided not to call him or let them do. She even unconsciously obliges her daughters to hate him to show her consideration and support. She once told them in despair:

Terry: I’m a wreck.

Emily: I hate his guts. I hate his guts for what he he’s done.

Terry: Oh. He is a pig, your dad. Just a vile, selfish, horrible pig, but you know what? I’m not gonna to trash him to his girls.

Andy and Emily hug their mother.

Andy: I hate him too.

Emily: I hate him so much.

Terry: I know you do, baby. You’re human. How could you not? When your eyes were open wide.

Actually she doesn’t know anything. The daughters have confused feelings towards their father. They need explanations. They want to call him to know what happened but they can’t so as not to hurt Terry. They don’t hate him but they say they do for her. Emily once wrote him a letter and was afraid it might be mean. In a moment of truth, she even told her mother when she was ill; she needs her father to know saying “I don’t hate him, I know that you do, I just thought of it and I think that I don’t”. For this, the girls started to be angry with their mother. Popeye comments on her mother’s state saying:

“My mother was always the nicest person I ever knew. She was the nicest, sweetest woman than anyone who knew her ever knew. Then things changed...then she changed. She got angry. Good and angry.  Anger has turned my mother into a very sad and bitter woman. If she wasn't my mother, I'd slap her. I would. I'd look her straight in the face and tell her what I really think of her...and then I'd run really fast in the opposite direction.”

I hate the way I come off to my girls. I just hate that I can’t control my emotions

With agony, pain, and anger, Terry deals with her daughters’ problems. She is losing her wisdom and farsightedness.  Being angry with Hadely for keeping her love relation from her, Terry embarrassed her before her mother and father-in-laws and her fiance:

Terry: She was so loved from the minute she was born. Just an adorable little thing. She was...well, she grew up too fast didn't she?  She grew up so fast and had a mouth on her.

Hadely: Mother!

Terry:  When she was in her teens she was her own little boss.

Hadely: Mother!

Terry: And she would sometimes just not come home

Hadely: All right, could we just toast, please? Thank you.

Commenting on this situation, Terry told Denny “I hate the way I come off to my girls. I just hate that I can’t control my emotions”.

With Emily, she gave her dream the cold shoulder. She criticized her for joining the College of Arts instead of being proud of her.

Emily: Be proud! Shit! You know? I'm focused! What is your problem? The only thing you're focused on is drinking and Denny! Be glad that I have a dream!

The irony is that Terry doesn’t find the College of Arts a serious one, while she herself wanted to be a poet. However, her parents pushed her to marry and abandon her dream. She is obsessed by anger and controlling her daughters’ future, rather than thinking clearly. She can’t find a wiser way to dissuade her daughters or give them good pieces of advice. Rather, she puts them in embarrassing situations or causes them depression by killing their own dreams. Terry just couldn’t control her feelings of resenting Emily’s dream to the extent that started to undermine her daughter’s self-esteem.

Emily: I wish you would take me seriously.

Terry: Honey, I take you seriously. I just don't think you have much capacity for self-evaluation.

Emily: You know, you'd think you'd be happy for me...considering the way your life turned out. The way your parents pushed you...

Terry: To marry your father? Yeah. I'm not complaining. They pushed me to take life seriously...not to live in the clouds.

Emily: Do you have any idea what an idiot you sound like sometimes?

Terry: I love how you worry that the letter you sent to the parent who deserted you is too mean, and yet, to the one who's here in the fight, you have no problem saying the most vile things. Isn't that a tad odd?

It is obvious that Terry’s obsession with “serious” college education for all her girls lies in her wish to prove to herself before anybody else that she can make her daughters better off without the father who deserted them.

You just don’t seem to care all that much about me, unless, like now, I’m sick

For this anger to calm down, Terry got three slaps ranging from in strength from the weakest to the strongest. The first slap came when Emily got sick with stomach ache and was admitted to hospital. At first the doctors thought it might be stomach cancer. They ran necessary test and it was discovered that her pains are caused by physiological stress. Terry was devastated over this.

Emily: I’m not stressed

Terry: Yes, you are. You are mad at me. Mad at your Daddy. I can see that all the time. You’ve got a cloud over your head….You need to get better, Emily. I can take a lot, but I couldn’t take losing you.

Emily smiles

Terry: Why is that funny?

Emily: Because you just don’t seem to care all that much about me, unless, like now, I’m sick.

Terry: That’s not true. That’s just not true. I adore you.

Emily: I don’t see that.

Terry: Well, what can I say? You are like everyone else in my life you need to pay closer attention to me.

Terry is highly consumed by her anger and indulgence in self-pity that she can’t show care and love for her daughters in their everyday life. She is getting estranged from them and that’s the first realization she gets from the first slap.

I am so sick of being your bitch

The second slap was when Denny left Terry. Denny is such a loveable person. He loves Terry and her daughters. He believed in Adeny’s talents and helped her find her dream job. He cared for Emily and tried to give her emotional support in her dancing dream. He acted as father with Popeye; accompanying her in a trip with her boyfriend and his father. Denny found in this relationship his new life. In his Shaw he doesn’t want to talk about the past “baseball”. He is looking forward for the future in Terry’s “family”.
Denny: When I'm with you, Terry...with your girls...I feel like there's a big chunk of my life still left to be played out. And that's what I want to talk about, not... baseball.

And above all this he was extremely tolerant with Terry’s anger fits and humiliating actions. She used to kick him every now and then out of her home. Popeye one day asked Denny if he would marry her mother. When Denny brought up Popeye’s question to Terry, she called this a “Cheap Shot” saying:

Terry: I have had enough problems right now, Denny. I don’t need you using my daughter as a pawn..I don’t want to get into something silly…like a cute talk about a marriage…that we both know would be doomed from the start….I don’t want to hear what Popeye said, no

Terry slammed the bathroom door after her

Getting extremely angry and fed up with Terry’s humiliations, Denny broke the bathroom door and shouted at Terry very furiously that she got really scared saying:

Denny: I am so sick of being your bitch. I put up with your shit, because I know how much pain you're in. But it's enough! It's a tall order for a patient lover, and I am the farthest thing from that that you're ever gonna lay eyes on.

Denny faced Terry’s anger with an outrage. He has had it with her shrewdness and can’t take it anymore. Following this situation, Terry started to realize how mean she was to Denny...How supportive he was...How much he cares for her without any kind of obligation...How much she really needs him. She called him many times to apologize but he either hang up or didn’t answer at all. Meanwhile, she started to control her anger and calm down. She decided to quit drinking. She even became nicer with Hadely and Emily. Andy was always her own head. She was never affected by her mother’s refusal for her way of life or even argue about it.

Later when Denny calmed down he came back to Terry. The first thing they did with the girls was to attend a ballet Shaw. While watching the Shaw, Terry imagined Emily dancing in it. She looked at her daughter who was sitting beside Denny and smiled to her nodding in acceptance for her daughter’s dancing dream.

Before coming to the last and strongest slap of all, we see Popeye commenting on how people love “People don't know how to love. They bite rather than kiss, and they slap rather than stroke. Maybe it's because they realize how easy it is for love to go bad, to become suddenly impossible...unworkable, an exercise in futility. So they avoid it and seek solace in angst and fear and aggression, which are always there and readily available. Or maybe sometimes...they just don't have all the facts.”

The only upside to anger, then...is the person you become

The last slap was a hitting fact that hit Terry, her family, and the audience. While working on the farm at the backyard of Terry’s house, a worker stumbled into an old water well. He found a dead body in the well and called Denny. They found a jacket and a wallet for Terry’s long lost husband. He didn’t desert her or the girls; he just fell into the well and died. He remained there for Three years. Terry couldn’t believe it until she saw it herself. All her life-poisoning anger, resentment, agony, despair, shrewdness were simply unjustified.

At the funeral, we see Terry reminiscing about her girls through their childhood till they grew up. She started to accept the fact that they are grown-ups and to realize the hurt she caused them with her unjustified anger. She takes them in an embrace as if she is apologizing and giving them the love and care they needed the most. At the end of the movie, we see airs of acceptance and love between the girls, Terry, and Denny.

Popeye ends the story saying “Anger and resentment can stop you in your tracks. That's what I know now. It needs nothing to burn but the air and the life that it swallows and smothers. It's real, though the fury, even when it isn't. It can change you... turn you...mold you and shape you into someone you're not. The only upside to anger, then...is the person you become... Good job....hopefully someone that wakes up one day and realizes they're not afraid of its journey, someone that knows that the truth is, at best, a partially told story. That anger, like growth, comes in spurts and fits and in its wake, leaves a new chance at acceptance and the promise of calm. Then again, what do I know? I'm only a child.”

What if?!

• What if you wake up one day and realize what you thought you want is not what you want anymore?
• What if you wake up one day and realize what you thought you don't want is what you want nowadays?
• What if you find yourself full of contradictions that you hate and love at the same time?
• What if people envy you while you don't find anything in you worth envy?
• What if you need to break down but everybody does not see that you have the right to?
• What if you are tired of being strong and envy people who are weak?
• What if you envy mindless people?
• What if you feel paralyzed and can't take a step forward or even backward?
• What if you don't even want to try?
• What if you don't want to commit to anything even to yourself?
• What if people's believes and hopes in you are becoming a burden?
• What if people's hope in you is your last hope?
• What if you find everything in your life tasteless?
• What if the fighter in you doesn't want to survive anymore battles?
• What if your power, mind, energy, and spirit are fading away?
• What if you find yourself responsible before others but you can't be responsible before yourself?
• What if you find yourself speechless not because you don't want to speak but because you don't know what to say?
• What if you are expected to understand others and support them while you can't understand or support yourself?
• What if you find yourself unable to even talk to Allah?

You might call me a bad person but even this I don't know. Am I bad or not?
I don't want any comments please; even this I don't want

I Love My Wolf

In the previous post, I talked about the wolf in me. I've received a mail from a friend who thought that this wolf is evil, thinking that I might be implying that I'm evil.

 Believe it or not, I love my wolf. I don't see it as evil at all. On the contrary I see it as a blessing from God. Yes I was a lamb but deep inside a wolf was growing feeding on the hurts, agonies, boundaries, and restrictions the lamb passed to him. It started young and then grew. It is now in its youth phase. At the beginning, my wolf gave me negative feelings and anger. It kept on biting many people that stand in its way. Thanks God I was aware of this and tried to control it as much as I can so that it does not bit everyone.

Now, I'm taming it. I'm talking to it, understanding it, and even loving it. Thanks to this wolf, I got some energy that I lost. Yes it was negative at the beginning and may be still little negative but not as strong as it started. I'm facing this negativity with positivity. I had the following conversation with my wolf and helped him understand:

Me: What do you want?

My Wolf: Freedom

Me: Then get it. No one will give it to you.

My Wolf: Everyone is giving himself the right to put fences even if they are covered with love and fear of confrontations and agonies. Everyone thinks I'm stable now, since nothing is changing. They don't know that I'm a free animal, who looks for change, who wants to explore the world, who can't stay in one place, who never enjoys stability. Stability is my reason of disturbance.

Me: Give yourself the right to reject restrictions that limit you or your change ambition. Seek your own freedom smartly. 

Calm down, use your smartness, cunning, and planning techniques in taking few little steps that with time will get you out and give you the power to leap to get what you want. Take hold of your freedom and don't ever let it go.

My Wolf: If I get my freedom I'll hurt many loved ones.

Me: For your loved ones, you are hurting them already with your unresolved anger. Have in mind that some of them had lived their lives the way they wanted and for them this might be the most perfect life. It might not be the same for you. Your loved ones have others to depend on. Your loved ones might get hurt in the beginning but then they may get used to and the hurt will minimize. If you are hurting them with your anger now, why don't you stop it. Keep the hurt till the moment when you have to pursuit your own life and dream; in your search for a meaning of  life that makes sense to you even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

My Wolf decided to be tamed, to think and plan, and replace the stupid anger. My Wolf started to love himself. He needs to start taking actions towards his dream. If he won't, he might get back to the anger state.

My wolf is a beautiful creature from God. It is beautiful and strong. At least now I have a voice that tells me don't take anymore hurts, don't cause any meaningless hurt, don't stop at boundaries, take risks, love and cherish yourself, respect your smartness, stand up for yourself, free yourself.....etc.

A Cry for Self Discovery

You might or might not wonder why it took me so long to write again. May be she lost interest in the writing thing, may  be she wasn't that serious from the first place, may be she is too busy, may be she is not thinking, reading, or doing anything, may be she has nothing to say, etc. If you know why tell me!

Since the last few months I've been in a state of complete passionless mind and soul. I can't find anything enthusiastic anymore, even my job that I love the most. Now I don't know whether I still love it or not. I believe I'm in a state of accepting everything that comes to me, without even stopping for a second to ask do I want it. Seems that I'm losing control of my life; not because I want to, it is because I don't know what I want anymore. I'm not used to be this kind of person; a state that irritates me, a state of meaninglessness.

I started analyzing my life, may be I'm bored for a while. I can engage myself in refreshing trips and outings. However, I couldn't enjoy these things as I was used to. Something is wrong, something that is deep inside me.

Not only this, I'm having an angry wolf in my heart, who is fiercely attacking anyone who is trying to captivate him or who previously caused him hurt; intentionally or unintentionally... A wolf who prefers to be alone and deal with his anger instead of hurting others... A wolf who is yearning for breaking through everything is his life... A wolf who is looking for meaning, a meaning of  life that makes sense to him even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

May be I'm saturated, I can't do the same things again, even the same trips and joyful activities. I need change. May be I need an escape. I can't bear people anymore, even close ones. I can't swallow their hurting actions anymore. I can't pretend coldness of feelings anymore. I can't hide my sensitivity anymore.

The New me is also bored of commitments. I can't take any commitments and  don't want to. May be this is the only thing I know I don't want. I can't make or promise any short-term or long-term commitment to anything or to anybody.

May be I needed to be silent for a while and listen to my soul and pay attention to God's signs. May be I need to question my new needs. Why am I no more satisfied and thrilled with things that used to give me ultimate satisfaction? Do I need to change my life mission, which was originally affected by my life necessities and NOT by what I want deep inside? Do I want something different or am I looking for an escape? A lot of questions that are spinning my mind looking for answers, do you have the same questions? If yes, would like to take the trip of self-discovery with me?

I'll tell what I'm doing and if you have any other suggestions, please share them with me:
1- I'm doing a lot of thinking questioning my actions, emotions, and needs
2- Recording what I'm observing
3- Analyzing my observations
4- Talking to people who may understand what I'm saying
5- Talking with strangers who don't even know me but have been there like me (one of the things I prayed God for and He answered my prayer)
6- Reading a book called "I can do anything only if I know what it was" to discover what I want

I've not reached a lot yet but I'm doing this to save myself that I no more understand.

Qoutes by Chance

You weren’t an accident. You weren’t mass produced. You aren’t an assembly line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on the earth by the Master Craftsman.

Max Lucado

 

People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong. Why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom?

Thich Nhat Hanh

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

Flavia Weedn

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.

Jerome Cummings

 

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Dale Carnegie

 

When the world pushes you to your knees,

you are in a perfect position to pray.

A religious quote (thanks Diane!)

 

When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God.

Charles Allen

 

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde

 

Love is not blind — it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.

Rabbi J. Gordon

 

Money can’t buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Spike Milligan

 

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need.

Voltaire

 

You cannot plough a field by

turning it over in your mind.

Author Unknown

 

The best way out is always through.

Robert Frost

 

Knowing is not enough; we must apply.

Willing is not enough; we must do.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

First say to yourself what you would be;

and then do what you have to do.

Epictetus

 

Refuse to be ill. Never tell people you are ill; never own it to yourself. Illness is one of those things which a man should resist on principle at the onset.

Lytton

 

Choose rather to be strong in soul than in body.

Pythagoras

 

Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.

Ralph Blum

Qoutes by Chance (Happiness)

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Groucho Marx

 

There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.
David Burns, Intimate Connections

 

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
Aldous Huxley

 

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.

Socrates

Money can’t buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Spike Milligan

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.

Leon J. Suenes

Up in the Air! Wooooooooooow

Up in the Air, What a fascinating experience! Go up, get ungrounded! Go up, get loose! Go up, get free! Go up, get untied! Go up, become carefree! A state when you have no responsibilities towards others or may be even yourself. Unload your backpack from all connections to things and also to others. Go Ahead, move fast, get up in the Air! Wow that’s wonderful!

This is the feeling you first get in Up in the Air movie, carefree, freedom, sweet self-indulgence, fast steps.

Ryan Bingham is a man who spends his life traveling from one state to another. He earns his living from firing people. He spent 322 days on the road, meaning he "wasted" 43 days at "home" a year.

His dream is to achieve ten million frequent flier miles and have his name written on a plane. He disconnected himself from any kind of relationship commitment, whether to family members, a wife, or even a love relation. According to him "Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life." He even lectures people on this philosophy "What's in your Backpack?" He motivates people to get free from any kind of connection whether to staff or people that prevent them from moving faster. Empty your Backpack so that you move faster.

On the professional level, being disconnected makes Ryan an excellent terminator. He fires people with a smile, speaks to them about other opportunities, takes in their rage and anger, feels no pity for anyone, he is doing his job heartlessly or may be professionally. He describes his job saying "Our job is to make limbo tolerable - To ferry wounded souls across the river of dread and humiliation and self-doubt to the point at which hope's bright shore is dimly visible... And then to stop the boat, shove them in the water, and make them swim while we row back to the place of their banishment to present the employer with other bill".

Throughout the movie Ryan travels from one state to another in a way that makes the viewer feels tired looking for the ground to settle down. Everything he does is so mechanical in each airport and hotel. In one of his trips, he meets Alex; his female counterpart; a women who is also up in the air just like him. They start a casual relationship. They agree to meet whenever their roads cross each other.

On the family level, Ryan's disconnection from his sisters makes them treat him as stranger. On his little sister's wedding rehearsal dinner, it was hard for him to realize that his sisters treat him as a stranger. When he suggested to walk his own little sister down the aisle, he was told that her fiance's uncle will do "He's been really supportive". It has been already arranged. On asking when to go to the ceremony, he was told "Guests are arriving around 5. Things get going at 5:30..So you know, around then". He has never been there, so why would they think of him as family, why would they count on him to fill their deceased father place. This was the first shock that made him start to realize the consequences of his life philosophy.

Kara; his elder sister, asked him to persuade the bridegroom who got freak on the marriage date to go on with making his marriage commitment to their little sister. Ryan commented that though he is a motivational speaker, he can't do so. Simply, because his job is to persuade people AVOID commitments. Kara comments "Stupid philosophy...Fear of commitment is simply a reflection of what someone carves". However, he found that he should start doing something for his family. He explained to the bridegroom how marriage is a meaningless commitment without any point in it (As Ryan Believes) but he asked him one question: Think of the times when you were happy, were you alone? He answered NO. Then, the answer was sufficient in convincing the bridegroom of marriage commitment.

On the personal level, when Ryan received his sister's wedding invitation, he asked Alex to be his date.For the first time in his life he doesn't want to appear in parties alone. He would be glad if Alex would be his date then. 

Ryan: Look. You Know. I'm not the wedding type. But for the first time in  my life...I want a dancing partner. I want a plus one. And if you can stomach it, I'd like it to be you.

It was very obvious that Ryan started to develop real feelings towards Alex which he found reciprocal. Alex agreed and they spent a lovely time together. They went to Ryan's school, actually they broke in. They exchanged loving glances, danced, had fun at the wedding more like a married couple deeply in love.

Following these incidents, Ryan was invited to speak about his "Backpack Philosophy" in a prestigious International Convention Mall, he was yearning for. He started his session:

Ryan: Imagine for a second that you are carrying a backpack...I want you to feel the straps in your shoulders..you fell them?

Ryan isn't feeling them. He is not inspired. He isn't believable. He's barely even there.

Ryan: Now I want you to pack it with all the stuff you have in your life. Start with the little things.

Ryan is trying, but he can't find the will to do it.

Ryan: The...um...The stuff in the drawers and on the shelves.

Ryan takes a beat and steps back. He stares at the backpack on the table and thinks about the things and people he removed from it...And then...

Ryan: Excuse me

He can't preach it anymore. He ran out of the hall. Flew to Chicago, to Alex, for the first time in his life, he wants connection, a ground, a tie, love, no more self-indulgence, not only surrounded but accompanied... As Alex opens her house door to him, he sees kids screaming, running on the stairs, and a husband asking "Who is it Honey" "Just some guy who was lost". And the door is slammed.

Frankly, my heart as viewer sank down with Ryan's heart who was speechless and emotionally bleeding to death. I moved from being up in the air to the underground. Later, when Alex called him,

Alex: How could you just show up at my door like that?

Ryan: What do you mean? I wanted to see you. I didn't know you have a family, because you never told me.

Alex: Come on, I thought we signed up for the same thing.

Ryan: Try to help me understand. What is it you signed up for?

Alex: I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. It's...an escape.

Ryan: I'm an escape

Alex: You know, a break from our normal lives...A parenthesis.

Ryan: I'm a parenthesis?

Ryan: I thought I was part of your real life.

Alex: Look, Ryan. I'm a grown up. I don't hold a grudge. When you're ready to be adult and have fun again, just give me a call

Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing, he just hang up. Yes that was what was originally planned for their casual relationship, but he couldn't help feeling attached, tied, and real love...feelings that he believed were reciprocal...Far from causality, escape, parenthesis...Also, even Alex is not a Backpack believer, she has a real life filled with people and family relations. When she is up in the air, she gets a break from real life, responsibilities, and commitments, but not leading an up in the air life...She is NOT his female counterpart as he once thought.

In his way  back home, Ryan's dream for ten million frequent flier miles came true. The flight attendant announced that Ryan hit the ten million mile flight. Ryan didn't show any reaction. He was just stunned...telling the plane pilot "You know how many times I've thought of this moment? Played out the conversation I've with you right here...You know...I...I  can't remember". This is the time, when a dream comes true, you realize this not your dream anymore. When a dream comes true, you realize you are NOT that anxious or even thrilled. When a dream comes true, you realize how superficial this dream was. When a dream comes true, you realize that for this dream you scarified you own precious life. When a dream comes true, you can't even recall any of the happy scenarios you imagined for this moment.

Back to work, Ryan's manager decided he would be back in the air. Ryan accepted the decision in an attempt to proceed with the life he willingly chose for himself. He realized that sometimes it may become tooooooooo late.

The movie final featured Ryan at the airport back to work.

Ryan: Tonight, most of the people will be welcomed home by jumping dogs and squealing kids. Their spouses will ask about their day and tonight they'll sleep...The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places, crowning their neighborhood with lights....And one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest, will be my wingtip, passing over, blessing them...

What's More Interesting New People or People Anew?

Have you meet people you used to know or befriended a long time ago? What's your impression? Let me share my experience with you.

 

Yes, it is very interesting to meet new people. But you know what’s more interesting? It is meeting people anew.

At school I had many friends. Through the university and work years we lost connection. However, thanks to the facebook we were able to gather again.

We planned for a meeting day. We met in a café. Each one started talking about her experiences, life and work experiences. OH MY GOD, we are new people. However, we are still in harmony.

I kept listening and listening with comparisons between Now and Then going in my mind. We all agreed that we miss the days of innocence and carefreeness.

For Emy, she was very funny and excellent in imitating people. Now, she is a Section Head at a bureaucratic governmental organization. She talked about the employees she is managing. Some are useless but her boss forced them on her for favoritism issues. Some are very strong at verbal attacks, which make her in return a very skilled fighter in verbal battle fields.
Meanwhile, her mimicking skills enhanced in a way that she can’t help imitating her boss live while arguing with him.

For Gigi, she was the romantic girl at school who used to fall in love with handsome actors. She had very romantic fantasies about her would-be husband/lover. This romantic girl had a very unpleasant engagement year with a womanizer, liar, and miser man. Nothing was romantic about him. To avenge this man she insisted on breaking up this engagement on his birthday. She said “I was very happy to upset him in his own birthday” with a sense of victory and avenge. What a romantic ending for a romantic engagement!

For Mimi, she was the most glamorous and smartest in our group at school. We all used to gather around her when she talks and ponders her social, political, and even funny views. Now, Yes she fulfilled her dream of becoming a politics professor, but she no more talks as she used to. She only listens. I was wondering why was she silent! But I realized that since she remained in the academic field focused on her PHD studies, she didn’t have lots of happenings as we did at work. However, she is still the kind loving friend with whom you feel secure.

For Yuyu, she used to have a smiley face but very reasonable. Today, her smile is bigger but she has gone nuts as she herself says. Breaking up two engagements and being the victim of arranged marriage proposals (Salon Marriages) forced her to let go her reasonable mind. She said it clear to her mum “I can’t take this anymore. I’ll go fetch my future husband. I’m not getting engaged anymore, unless I know the person first”. In her search, she met several crazy guys who made her go crazy herself.

For me, I never thought I have changed that much. Seeing my friends, I realized I must have changed. But I can’t really say how much. I think I have to ask them. I never thought how I was then and what I’m now.

وتناثرت الأعضاء

لم أكن من المهتميبن بالسياسة بشكل عام ولم أكن من المتحمسين للكرة القدم سواء لمصر أو غيرها. لكن طبعًا حينما تحقق مصر نجاحًا عالميًا في أي مجال أسعد كثيرًا بل وأفخر أنني مصرية. لكن ما حدث في مباريات مصر والجزائر لم استطع تجاهله أو حتى أن يمر علي مرور الكرام. وبعد أن قرأت موضوع في مدونة إحدى صديقاتي حول تساؤلات تطرحها في هذا الشأن، وجدتني أطرح مزيد من التساؤلات التي لا استطيع الإجابة عليها ليس لأنني لا أعرف الإجابة، ولكن لأنني أخشى فجاعتها.

هل أدرك أحدكم إن ما حدث ويحدث في وسائط الإعلام العربية والعالمية أكبر دليل على أننا أصبحنا أمة أشقياء وليس أمة أشقاء؟

هل أصبحنا أمة تحتضر وتموت بفعل الغوغاء والجهلاء والمتحجرين فكريًا بل وعاطفيًا؟

هل يصل بنا الخلاف إلى درجة عدم الرغبة أو القدرة على التفاهم مع بعضنا؟

هل يصل بنا الحال إلى درجة أننا أصبحنا قادرين على التفاهم والدخول في اتفاقيات مع ألد أعدائنا، وفي نفس الوقت الدخول في حلقات السباب واللعن لبعضنا البعض؟

هل أصبحنا أسهل مضغة يمكن أن يبتلعها أعداؤنا لأننا أتخذنا من بعضنا عدوًا لأقل الأسباب أهمية؟

هل اعتدنا على الخيبة وإعادة السيناريوهات السوداء فقط من تاريخنا؟

هل تصل بنا المعصية إلى تحريف آيات القرآن الكريم لنهاجم بعضنا؟

هل أصبحنا في غفلة عن أبسط تعاليم ديننا "لا ضرر ولا ضرار"، حتى نتشاجر بل ونتحارب في أي وقت ما بالك في الأيام الحرم؟

هل فقدنا الإحساس بقضايا حياتنا وأوطاننا وأمتنا الملحة حتى نتشاجر على أقل الأشياء أهمية ونسمح لكل من هب ودب بأن يفرح بنا ويقوي نار الفتنة بينا؟

أين نحن الآن؟ أمة متفرقة، لا يشغلها سوى توجيه سهام النقد والسب واللعن والافتراء والحقد والكراهية على أعضائها.

للأسف لم نعد كالبنيان المرصوص أو الجسد الواحد إذا اشتكى منه عضوًا تداعى له سائر الأعضاء.

بل تناثرت الأعضاء حتى لم يشعر أي عضو بالآخر. بل وأصبح كل عضو وكأنه عضو في جسد آخر معادي لسائر الأعضاء.

The Sea

They were having a chat while watching the sunset on the sea. All of a sudden he asked:

He: How do you perceive the sea? What occurs to your mind first when you look at it?

She turns her head to the sea and loses herself to it in contemplation, when all the voices and people retreat.

She: The sea is an embodiment of love.

When you are on the surface, you see clearly.

When the wave comes, it takes you down.

As you fall deeper and deeper, you are fascinated by the marvelous colors of reefs and fishes.
You lose yourself to beauty more and more.

You can no more control your heart, it just overflows.

You can no more see the surface.

Others on the surface can see how it might be contaminated or polluted.

But you can't, since you are already drowned.
You love sinking more & more, no matter what.

While enjoying everything that is deep inside the sea, you may see a snake.

You run away from it and refuse to go to the surface again.

But when it comes nearer and nearer, you either have to escape it to the surface or struggle against it.

If you struggle, you may combat the snake and fall deeper and deeper and enjoy more and more.

If you get bitten, you will go to the surface again.

At this moment, you are taken aback by the contamination and pollution on the surface.

You will insist not to fall down again.

You would prefer to be on the surface with a clear vision and a stable heart.

Here come the waves again, you resist them.

But for a particular wave that you can't help resisting.

You simply surrender to the tide and go down again.

He keeps on looking at her, into her eyes and never looks back at the sea. She turns her head to him and with teary eyes:

She says calmly: Hey, why are you looking at me? I'm talking about the sea. You feel it doesn't make sense! Don't you? Does the sea remind you of anything?

He: I was lost in your expressions and eyes while describing the sea.

You know what! the sea reminds me of your eyes: Blue, Warm, and Calm sometimes; Stubborn and Rebellious other times. 

I've just realized, I'm already falling.

Words that Found Their Way Into My Mind 4

From Brida by Paulo Coelho

About Your Path of Life & Fear of Mistakes:

• When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat and despair are the tools God uses to show us our way.
• Path of wisdom means not being afraid to make mistakes.
• What are you good at? 
  Going after what I believe in.
  That was the only possible reply; she spent her life in pursuit of what she believed in. The only problem was that she believed in something different every day.
• Sometimes we set off down a path simply because we don’t believe in it. It’s easy enough. All we have to do is then prove that it isn’t the right path for us. However, when things start to happen, and the path does reveal itself to us, we become afraid of carrying on.
  Wicca said that she didn’t understand why so many people chose to spend their whole life destroying paths they didn’t even want to follow, instead of following the one path that would lead them somewhere
• Whenever you want to find out about something, plunge straight in.
  Choosing a path meant having to miss out on others.
  She wanted to follow all possible paths and so ended up following none.
• How much I missed simply because I was afraid of missing it.
• Finding one important thing in your life, doesn't mean you have to give up all the others.

About Us:

• Judging oneself to be inferior to other people was one of the worst act of pride, because it is the most destructive way of being different.
• We feel guilty when we go out to work because we're leaving our children in order to earn money to feed them. We feel guilty when we stay at home because it seems we're not making the most of our freedom. We feel guilty about everything, because we have always been kept far from decision-making and from power.
• She was a woman and does not need to explain her feelings.

About Love & Soulmate

• The whole of man's life on the face of Earth can be  summed up by that search for his soulmate. He might pretend to be running after wisdom, money or power, but none of that really matters. Whatever he achieves will be incomplete if he fails to find his soulmate.
• True love allowed each person to follow their own path, knowing that they would never lose touch with their soulmate.
• People give flowers as presents because flowers contain the true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading., ... you will never be mine, and that is why i will never lose you. you were my hope during the days of loneliness, my anxiety during moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith.

About Doubts:

• Never stop having doubts. If you ever do, it will be because you have stopped moving forward. ... but you must be careful never to let doubt paralyze you. Always take the decision you need to take, even if you are not sure you are doing the right thing. You will never go wrong, if when you make a decision, you keep in mind an old German proverb: "The devil is in the detail". Remember that proverb, you’ll always be able to turn a wrong decision into a right one.
• What is now proved was once imagined.

About the World:

• Nothing in the world is completely wrong.
  Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

About Faith:

• “That every moment in life is an act of faith.
  That you could choose to fill it with snakes and scorpions or with a strong protecting force.
  That faith cannot be explained. It was simply a Dark Night. And all she (Brida) had to do was to accept it or not.”
  
  

Brida in Paulo's Official Website