What do you think?, you think I’m not ok. Yes I’m not.
You know why? I can’t tell. You know why? I don’t know. You Know why? because it is not only for one reason. You know why? because I’m afraid to talk. You know why? because I fear being misunderstood. You know why? because being blamed is the last thing I need. You know why? because I need to be treated kindly. You know why? because I don’t want to feel selfish by burdening others with my problem. You know why? because I fear regretting telling you one day. You know why? it is really complicated and I know to you, it may not seem so.You know what? I’m strong but lately it seems I’m not that strong but I’m not weak. However, I’m board of being strong, independent, reliable, & supportive. May be I need to be weak for sometimes, to cry, shout, and show my anger, to act in a crazy way and show my fears. May be I need to lose my memory for a while. I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting, striving, reforming myself, caring for everyone, crying every now and then and being neglected at some times.
What do you think of crazy people? I’m starting to envy them. They can do whatever they want whenever they want without being blamed. They are simply crazy. They might be crazy, while I believe they enjoy a peace of mind which sane people may not enjoy.
What if I became crazy or insane? No No I don’t want this. Certainly God is already choosing the best for me. Why should I talk to anyone who may misunderstand me or blame me or I regret talking to? I can simply talk to HIM, to God, to Allah. He is the only one I can show my weakness to without fear. He is the only one who can help me without feeling any kind of selfishness. He is the only one I can ask for his help and pray for and be confident he will answer me. He is the only who is not looking for my support,
instead I’m the one looking for his. He is the most one when I think of, I realize the many blessings he gave me and still does. When I think of him, I feel I should go on reforming myself and my relations, only since he wants that from me, not for his sake but for mine. God, I love talking to you. God help me overcome my inner weakness. God help me see life problems as minor that deserve no worry and anxiety. God help me be kind, loving, and even more supportive to everyone I love and care for. God you know I really really have no one but you. God I get my strength from you so please give me more strength.
I like the way you wrote it so much.
ReplyDeleteYou are right at some point, God is the only one who will never let you down, the only one who will understand you all the time, the only one who will have the key to your comfort now and forever. He will neither blame you or misunderstand you and above all He will guide you through the ways.
Just remember that he might answer your prayers, help you, guide you, and comfort you through sending you good friends, who will never misjudge you or misunderstand you, who will never blame you but might shed some light to perspectives that you did not notice, and who love you now and forever. They will welcome you go insane for a while or lose control, and they will be glad if they become the shoulder for you to cry on, when you decide to treat your self as a human being who has all the right to be week for some time. :-) Just a reminder.
I like the post. It is brilliant.
Life is not or should not be about what others think of you.....it's what you think about yourself....be kind to yourself my friend, no one is perfect and it's the imperfections that make you unique from others....you will never go wrong by following God's word, he is always the answer.........:-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteOh God! Bernie your comment is very much true. I'll always keep it in mind. Thanx:)
ReplyDelete