“A Wandering Question” for Mostafa Mahmoud

I asked myself what was the happiest moment in my life….!!

I started recalling a very long series of incidents in my life…The moment I got my first story published…The moment I graduated from the faculty of medicine…The moment I won a national prize in literature…The joy of first love or trip…The openness to the great world wandering in the virgin forests of Africa….Travelling to Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, England, France, and America….The moment I got the first 1000-pound salary…The moment I laid the first brick in the Islamic Center in Dokki….I went through all these moments and murmured “No, none of them is the moment I’m looking for”

It was another moment at night…when my happiness was mixed with tears of gratitude, joy, and delight…when I was in prostration (sujud) to Allah….I felt that everything is in sujud…my body in sujud….my heart in sujud…my bones in sujud…my organs in sujud…my mind in sujud…my conscience in sujud…my soul in sujud

At this moment my worries calmed down…my needs were gone…I witnessed the wisdom in justice and I was satisfied by it, I found the good in all the deeds of Allah, His justice in handling everything, His mercy in His fate, and His love in His curses...At this moment I felt while I’m in sujud that I’m back to my origin; to my real homeland from where I came, I realized my identity, my belonging, and who I am…

There is no I but Him and no one else

My arrogance ended…my stubbornness evaporated, my rebellion calmed down, this cover of darkness was revealed, as if I was suffocating underwater, then I managed to get my head out of this darkness to see the light and the world, taking a deep breath and breathing freely to break through everything…What a freedom!... Allah! what a breakthrough…As if I have been alienated in a temple…dismissed, imprisoned, and cuffed with manacles…Then I got released…As if I was an animal rotating with covered eyes, then the cover was lifted

Yes…At that moment I got free

Yes…This was a real moment of freedom…When I reached the ultimate slavery to Allah…And I was released from all the manacles that restricted me in this earth and its’ fake gods…money, glory, fame, honor, desire, victory, power….

I felt I don’t need anyone or anything. I became under the protection of the king of all kings who owns everything…

It was just a moment but it was like forever…Yes, my feelings and conscience got refined. This moment affected me throughout the rest of my life but it never came again…I went into sujud many times after that without reaching this level of devotion, freedom, purity and salvation.

I tried so many times with no use…These moments do not come as a result of the worshiper’s effort and desire but as a privilege from Allah…
At this moment, I realized real happiness

It is Allah’s paradise on earth that cannot be equal to any material or moral gain

Allah says to prophet Mouhamd (Peace be upon him) in Sura Al-Alq 19 “واسجد واقترب”
“Prostrate and draw near [to Allah]”

Translated by me from the book “A Wandering Question” for Mostafa Mahmoud.

To Hell with Realism

Today, I was thinking of the word Regret. Many people at certain stages in my life, especially in stages of change, ask me “Are you regretting your decision and the past?” My spontaneous reply is “I never regretted anything” Ma shaa allah.

As part of my usual morning hallucinations, I asked myself why I haven’t regretted anything? Here are my answers:

• I know that in every stage in life or change I learn something from the bad and the good, which makes me thankful.

• I’m a person who values the good over the bad.

• I enjoy challenges that come with the changes and the process of building myself up to cope with it with God’s help of course. I hate defeat and I hate to be defeated by challenges.

• I know quite well that I’m the one who took the decision and I’m the one to take the responsibility for it too.

• I hate wasting my time and energy over past things knowing that I can’t go back to fix or change them. I’d rather think of the future and how to make things better. I don’t even look back.

• I believe that whatever we go through is part God’s destiny for us. And being our creator, he knows what is good for us even if we feel it is bad. God has his wisdom in everything happening to us.

People think I’m a dreamer and my feet are barely on the ground. But I don’t care. If I’m dreamer with no regrets, I don’t care, as long as this keeps me going and living with life’s ups and downs. To hell with realism that kills the dreamer in me.