I Love My Wolf

In the previous post, I talked about the wolf in me. I've received a mail from a friend who thought that this wolf is evil, thinking that I might be implying that I'm evil.

 Believe it or not, I love my wolf. I don't see it as evil at all. On the contrary I see it as a blessing from God. Yes I was a lamb but deep inside a wolf was growing feeding on the hurts, agonies, boundaries, and restrictions the lamb passed to him. It started young and then grew. It is now in its youth phase. At the beginning, my wolf gave me negative feelings and anger. It kept on biting many people that stand in its way. Thanks God I was aware of this and tried to control it as much as I can so that it does not bit everyone.

Now, I'm taming it. I'm talking to it, understanding it, and even loving it. Thanks to this wolf, I got some energy that I lost. Yes it was negative at the beginning and may be still little negative but not as strong as it started. I'm facing this negativity with positivity. I had the following conversation with my wolf and helped him understand:

Me: What do you want?

My Wolf: Freedom

Me: Then get it. No one will give it to you.

My Wolf: Everyone is giving himself the right to put fences even if they are covered with love and fear of confrontations and agonies. Everyone thinks I'm stable now, since nothing is changing. They don't know that I'm a free animal, who looks for change, who wants to explore the world, who can't stay in one place, who never enjoys stability. Stability is my reason of disturbance.

Me: Give yourself the right to reject restrictions that limit you or your change ambition. Seek your own freedom smartly. 

Calm down, use your smartness, cunning, and planning techniques in taking few little steps that with time will get you out and give you the power to leap to get what you want. Take hold of your freedom and don't ever let it go.

My Wolf: If I get my freedom I'll hurt many loved ones.

Me: For your loved ones, you are hurting them already with your unresolved anger. Have in mind that some of them had lived their lives the way they wanted and for them this might be the most perfect life. It might not be the same for you. Your loved ones have others to depend on. Your loved ones might get hurt in the beginning but then they may get used to and the hurt will minimize. If you are hurting them with your anger now, why don't you stop it. Keep the hurt till the moment when you have to pursuit your own life and dream; in your search for a meaning of  life that makes sense to you even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

My Wolf decided to be tamed, to think and plan, and replace the stupid anger. My Wolf started to love himself. He needs to start taking actions towards his dream. If he won't, he might get back to the anger state.

My wolf is a beautiful creature from God. It is beautiful and strong. At least now I have a voice that tells me don't take anymore hurts, don't cause any meaningless hurt, don't stop at boundaries, take risks, love and cherish yourself, respect your smartness, stand up for yourself, free yourself.....etc.

A Cry for Self Discovery

You might or might not wonder why it took me so long to write again. May be she lost interest in the writing thing, may  be she wasn't that serious from the first place, may be she is too busy, may be she is not thinking, reading, or doing anything, may be she has nothing to say, etc. If you know why tell me!

Since the last few months I've been in a state of complete passionless mind and soul. I can't find anything enthusiastic anymore, even my job that I love the most. Now I don't know whether I still love it or not. I believe I'm in a state of accepting everything that comes to me, without even stopping for a second to ask do I want it. Seems that I'm losing control of my life; not because I want to, it is because I don't know what I want anymore. I'm not used to be this kind of person; a state that irritates me, a state of meaninglessness.

I started analyzing my life, may be I'm bored for a while. I can engage myself in refreshing trips and outings. However, I couldn't enjoy these things as I was used to. Something is wrong, something that is deep inside me.

Not only this, I'm having an angry wolf in my heart, who is fiercely attacking anyone who is trying to captivate him or who previously caused him hurt; intentionally or unintentionally... A wolf who prefers to be alone and deal with his anger instead of hurting others... A wolf who is yearning for breaking through everything is his life... A wolf who is looking for meaning, a meaning of  life that makes sense to him even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

May be I'm saturated, I can't do the same things again, even the same trips and joyful activities. I need change. May be I need an escape. I can't bear people anymore, even close ones. I can't swallow their hurting actions anymore. I can't pretend coldness of feelings anymore. I can't hide my sensitivity anymore.

The New me is also bored of commitments. I can't take any commitments and  don't want to. May be this is the only thing I know I don't want. I can't make or promise any short-term or long-term commitment to anything or to anybody.

May be I needed to be silent for a while and listen to my soul and pay attention to God's signs. May be I need to question my new needs. Why am I no more satisfied and thrilled with things that used to give me ultimate satisfaction? Do I need to change my life mission, which was originally affected by my life necessities and NOT by what I want deep inside? Do I want something different or am I looking for an escape? A lot of questions that are spinning my mind looking for answers, do you have the same questions? If yes, would like to take the trip of self-discovery with me?

I'll tell what I'm doing and if you have any other suggestions, please share them with me:
1- I'm doing a lot of thinking questioning my actions, emotions, and needs
2- Recording what I'm observing
3- Analyzing my observations
4- Talking to people who may understand what I'm saying
5- Talking with strangers who don't even know me but have been there like me (one of the things I prayed God for and He answered my prayer)
6- Reading a book called "I can do anything only if I know what it was" to discover what I want

I've not reached a lot yet but I'm doing this to save myself that I no more understand.

Qoutes by Chance

You weren’t an accident. You weren’t mass produced. You aren’t an assembly line product. You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on the earth by the Master Craftsman.

Max Lucado

 

People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong. Why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom?

Thich Nhat Hanh

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.

Flavia Weedn

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.

Jerome Cummings

 

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Dale Carnegie

 

When the world pushes you to your knees,

you are in a perfect position to pray.

A religious quote (thanks Diane!)

 

When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God.

Charles Allen

 

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde

 

Love is not blind — it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.

Rabbi J. Gordon

 

Money can’t buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Spike Milligan

 

It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need.

Voltaire

 

You cannot plough a field by

turning it over in your mind.

Author Unknown

 

The best way out is always through.

Robert Frost

 

Knowing is not enough; we must apply.

Willing is not enough; we must do.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

First say to yourself what you would be;

and then do what you have to do.

Epictetus

 

Refuse to be ill. Never tell people you are ill; never own it to yourself. Illness is one of those things which a man should resist on principle at the onset.

Lytton

 

Choose rather to be strong in soul than in body.

Pythagoras

 

Nothing is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings.

Ralph Blum

Qoutes by Chance (Happiness)

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Groucho Marx

 

There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you.
David Burns, Intimate Connections

 

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
Aldous Huxley

 

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
Helen Keller

The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.

Socrates

Money can’t buy you happiness. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Spike Milligan

Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.

Leon J. Suenes

Up in the Air! Wooooooooooow

Up in the Air, What a fascinating experience! Go up, get ungrounded! Go up, get loose! Go up, get free! Go up, get untied! Go up, become carefree! A state when you have no responsibilities towards others or may be even yourself. Unload your backpack from all connections to things and also to others. Go Ahead, move fast, get up in the Air! Wow that’s wonderful!

This is the feeling you first get in Up in the Air movie, carefree, freedom, sweet self-indulgence, fast steps.

Ryan Bingham is a man who spends his life traveling from one state to another. He earns his living from firing people. He spent 322 days on the road, meaning he "wasted" 43 days at "home" a year.

His dream is to achieve ten million frequent flier miles and have his name written on a plane. He disconnected himself from any kind of relationship commitment, whether to family members, a wife, or even a love relation. According to him "Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life." He even lectures people on this philosophy "What's in your Backpack?" He motivates people to get free from any kind of connection whether to staff or people that prevent them from moving faster. Empty your Backpack so that you move faster.

On the professional level, being disconnected makes Ryan an excellent terminator. He fires people with a smile, speaks to them about other opportunities, takes in their rage and anger, feels no pity for anyone, he is doing his job heartlessly or may be professionally. He describes his job saying "Our job is to make limbo tolerable - To ferry wounded souls across the river of dread and humiliation and self-doubt to the point at which hope's bright shore is dimly visible... And then to stop the boat, shove them in the water, and make them swim while we row back to the place of their banishment to present the employer with other bill".

Throughout the movie Ryan travels from one state to another in a way that makes the viewer feels tired looking for the ground to settle down. Everything he does is so mechanical in each airport and hotel. In one of his trips, he meets Alex; his female counterpart; a women who is also up in the air just like him. They start a casual relationship. They agree to meet whenever their roads cross each other.

On the family level, Ryan's disconnection from his sisters makes them treat him as stranger. On his little sister's wedding rehearsal dinner, it was hard for him to realize that his sisters treat him as a stranger. When he suggested to walk his own little sister down the aisle, he was told that her fiance's uncle will do "He's been really supportive". It has been already arranged. On asking when to go to the ceremony, he was told "Guests are arriving around 5. Things get going at 5:30..So you know, around then". He has never been there, so why would they think of him as family, why would they count on him to fill their deceased father place. This was the first shock that made him start to realize the consequences of his life philosophy.

Kara; his elder sister, asked him to persuade the bridegroom who got freak on the marriage date to go on with making his marriage commitment to their little sister. Ryan commented that though he is a motivational speaker, he can't do so. Simply, because his job is to persuade people AVOID commitments. Kara comments "Stupid philosophy...Fear of commitment is simply a reflection of what someone carves". However, he found that he should start doing something for his family. He explained to the bridegroom how marriage is a meaningless commitment without any point in it (As Ryan Believes) but he asked him one question: Think of the times when you were happy, were you alone? He answered NO. Then, the answer was sufficient in convincing the bridegroom of marriage commitment.

On the personal level, when Ryan received his sister's wedding invitation, he asked Alex to be his date.For the first time in his life he doesn't want to appear in parties alone. He would be glad if Alex would be his date then. 

Ryan: Look. You Know. I'm not the wedding type. But for the first time in  my life...I want a dancing partner. I want a plus one. And if you can stomach it, I'd like it to be you.

It was very obvious that Ryan started to develop real feelings towards Alex which he found reciprocal. Alex agreed and they spent a lovely time together. They went to Ryan's school, actually they broke in. They exchanged loving glances, danced, had fun at the wedding more like a married couple deeply in love.

Following these incidents, Ryan was invited to speak about his "Backpack Philosophy" in a prestigious International Convention Mall, he was yearning for. He started his session:

Ryan: Imagine for a second that you are carrying a backpack...I want you to feel the straps in your shoulders..you fell them?

Ryan isn't feeling them. He is not inspired. He isn't believable. He's barely even there.

Ryan: Now I want you to pack it with all the stuff you have in your life. Start with the little things.

Ryan is trying, but he can't find the will to do it.

Ryan: The...um...The stuff in the drawers and on the shelves.

Ryan takes a beat and steps back. He stares at the backpack on the table and thinks about the things and people he removed from it...And then...

Ryan: Excuse me

He can't preach it anymore. He ran out of the hall. Flew to Chicago, to Alex, for the first time in his life, he wants connection, a ground, a tie, love, no more self-indulgence, not only surrounded but accompanied... As Alex opens her house door to him, he sees kids screaming, running on the stairs, and a husband asking "Who is it Honey" "Just some guy who was lost". And the door is slammed.

Frankly, my heart as viewer sank down with Ryan's heart who was speechless and emotionally bleeding to death. I moved from being up in the air to the underground. Later, when Alex called him,

Alex: How could you just show up at my door like that?

Ryan: What do you mean? I wanted to see you. I didn't know you have a family, because you never told me.

Alex: Come on, I thought we signed up for the same thing.

Ryan: Try to help me understand. What is it you signed up for?

Alex: I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. It's...an escape.

Ryan: I'm an escape

Alex: You know, a break from our normal lives...A parenthesis.

Ryan: I'm a parenthesis?

Ryan: I thought I was part of your real life.

Alex: Look, Ryan. I'm a grown up. I don't hold a grudge. When you're ready to be adult and have fun again, just give me a call

Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing, he just hang up. Yes that was what was originally planned for their casual relationship, but he couldn't help feeling attached, tied, and real love...feelings that he believed were reciprocal...Far from causality, escape, parenthesis...Also, even Alex is not a Backpack believer, she has a real life filled with people and family relations. When she is up in the air, she gets a break from real life, responsibilities, and commitments, but not leading an up in the air life...She is NOT his female counterpart as he once thought.

In his way  back home, Ryan's dream for ten million frequent flier miles came true. The flight attendant announced that Ryan hit the ten million mile flight. Ryan didn't show any reaction. He was just stunned...telling the plane pilot "You know how many times I've thought of this moment? Played out the conversation I've with you right here...You know...I...I  can't remember". This is the time, when a dream comes true, you realize this not your dream anymore. When a dream comes true, you realize you are NOT that anxious or even thrilled. When a dream comes true, you realize how superficial this dream was. When a dream comes true, you realize that for this dream you scarified you own precious life. When a dream comes true, you can't even recall any of the happy scenarios you imagined for this moment.

Back to work, Ryan's manager decided he would be back in the air. Ryan accepted the decision in an attempt to proceed with the life he willingly chose for himself. He realized that sometimes it may become tooooooooo late.

The movie final featured Ryan at the airport back to work.

Ryan: Tonight, most of the people will be welcomed home by jumping dogs and squealing kids. Their spouses will ask about their day and tonight they'll sleep...The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places, crowning their neighborhood with lights....And one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest, will be my wingtip, passing over, blessing them...

What's More Interesting New People or People Anew?

Have you meet people you used to know or befriended a long time ago? What's your impression? Let me share my experience with you.

 

Yes, it is very interesting to meet new people. But you know what’s more interesting? It is meeting people anew.

At school I had many friends. Through the university and work years we lost connection. However, thanks to the facebook we were able to gather again.

We planned for a meeting day. We met in a café. Each one started talking about her experiences, life and work experiences. OH MY GOD, we are new people. However, we are still in harmony.

I kept listening and listening with comparisons between Now and Then going in my mind. We all agreed that we miss the days of innocence and carefreeness.

For Emy, she was very funny and excellent in imitating people. Now, she is a Section Head at a bureaucratic governmental organization. She talked about the employees she is managing. Some are useless but her boss forced them on her for favoritism issues. Some are very strong at verbal attacks, which make her in return a very skilled fighter in verbal battle fields.
Meanwhile, her mimicking skills enhanced in a way that she can’t help imitating her boss live while arguing with him.

For Gigi, she was the romantic girl at school who used to fall in love with handsome actors. She had very romantic fantasies about her would-be husband/lover. This romantic girl had a very unpleasant engagement year with a womanizer, liar, and miser man. Nothing was romantic about him. To avenge this man she insisted on breaking up this engagement on his birthday. She said “I was very happy to upset him in his own birthday” with a sense of victory and avenge. What a romantic ending for a romantic engagement!

For Mimi, she was the most glamorous and smartest in our group at school. We all used to gather around her when she talks and ponders her social, political, and even funny views. Now, Yes she fulfilled her dream of becoming a politics professor, but she no more talks as she used to. She only listens. I was wondering why was she silent! But I realized that since she remained in the academic field focused on her PHD studies, she didn’t have lots of happenings as we did at work. However, she is still the kind loving friend with whom you feel secure.

For Yuyu, she used to have a smiley face but very reasonable. Today, her smile is bigger but she has gone nuts as she herself says. Breaking up two engagements and being the victim of arranged marriage proposals (Salon Marriages) forced her to let go her reasonable mind. She said it clear to her mum “I can’t take this anymore. I’ll go fetch my future husband. I’m not getting engaged anymore, unless I know the person first”. In her search, she met several crazy guys who made her go crazy herself.

For me, I never thought I have changed that much. Seeing my friends, I realized I must have changed. But I can’t really say how much. I think I have to ask them. I never thought how I was then and what I’m now.

وتناثرت الأعضاء

لم أكن من المهتميبن بالسياسة بشكل عام ولم أكن من المتحمسين للكرة القدم سواء لمصر أو غيرها. لكن طبعًا حينما تحقق مصر نجاحًا عالميًا في أي مجال أسعد كثيرًا بل وأفخر أنني مصرية. لكن ما حدث في مباريات مصر والجزائر لم استطع تجاهله أو حتى أن يمر علي مرور الكرام. وبعد أن قرأت موضوع في مدونة إحدى صديقاتي حول تساؤلات تطرحها في هذا الشأن، وجدتني أطرح مزيد من التساؤلات التي لا استطيع الإجابة عليها ليس لأنني لا أعرف الإجابة، ولكن لأنني أخشى فجاعتها.

هل أدرك أحدكم إن ما حدث ويحدث في وسائط الإعلام العربية والعالمية أكبر دليل على أننا أصبحنا أمة أشقياء وليس أمة أشقاء؟

هل أصبحنا أمة تحتضر وتموت بفعل الغوغاء والجهلاء والمتحجرين فكريًا بل وعاطفيًا؟

هل يصل بنا الخلاف إلى درجة عدم الرغبة أو القدرة على التفاهم مع بعضنا؟

هل يصل بنا الحال إلى درجة أننا أصبحنا قادرين على التفاهم والدخول في اتفاقيات مع ألد أعدائنا، وفي نفس الوقت الدخول في حلقات السباب واللعن لبعضنا البعض؟

هل أصبحنا أسهل مضغة يمكن أن يبتلعها أعداؤنا لأننا أتخذنا من بعضنا عدوًا لأقل الأسباب أهمية؟

هل اعتدنا على الخيبة وإعادة السيناريوهات السوداء فقط من تاريخنا؟

هل تصل بنا المعصية إلى تحريف آيات القرآن الكريم لنهاجم بعضنا؟

هل أصبحنا في غفلة عن أبسط تعاليم ديننا "لا ضرر ولا ضرار"، حتى نتشاجر بل ونتحارب في أي وقت ما بالك في الأيام الحرم؟

هل فقدنا الإحساس بقضايا حياتنا وأوطاننا وأمتنا الملحة حتى نتشاجر على أقل الأشياء أهمية ونسمح لكل من هب ودب بأن يفرح بنا ويقوي نار الفتنة بينا؟

أين نحن الآن؟ أمة متفرقة، لا يشغلها سوى توجيه سهام النقد والسب واللعن والافتراء والحقد والكراهية على أعضائها.

للأسف لم نعد كالبنيان المرصوص أو الجسد الواحد إذا اشتكى منه عضوًا تداعى له سائر الأعضاء.

بل تناثرت الأعضاء حتى لم يشعر أي عضو بالآخر. بل وأصبح كل عضو وكأنه عضو في جسد آخر معادي لسائر الأعضاء.

The Sea

They were having a chat while watching the sunset on the sea. All of a sudden he asked:

He: How do you perceive the sea? What occurs to your mind first when you look at it?

She turns her head to the sea and loses herself to it in contemplation, when all the voices and people retreat.

She: The sea is an embodiment of love.

When you are on the surface, you see clearly.

When the wave comes, it takes you down.

As you fall deeper and deeper, you are fascinated by the marvelous colors of reefs and fishes.
You lose yourself to beauty more and more.

You can no more control your heart, it just overflows.

You can no more see the surface.

Others on the surface can see how it might be contaminated or polluted.

But you can't, since you are already drowned.
You love sinking more & more, no matter what.

While enjoying everything that is deep inside the sea, you may see a snake.

You run away from it and refuse to go to the surface again.

But when it comes nearer and nearer, you either have to escape it to the surface or struggle against it.

If you struggle, you may combat the snake and fall deeper and deeper and enjoy more and more.

If you get bitten, you will go to the surface again.

At this moment, you are taken aback by the contamination and pollution on the surface.

You will insist not to fall down again.

You would prefer to be on the surface with a clear vision and a stable heart.

Here come the waves again, you resist them.

But for a particular wave that you can't help resisting.

You simply surrender to the tide and go down again.

He keeps on looking at her, into her eyes and never looks back at the sea. She turns her head to him and with teary eyes:

She says calmly: Hey, why are you looking at me? I'm talking about the sea. You feel it doesn't make sense! Don't you? Does the sea remind you of anything?

He: I was lost in your expressions and eyes while describing the sea.

You know what! the sea reminds me of your eyes: Blue, Warm, and Calm sometimes; Stubborn and Rebellious other times. 

I've just realized, I'm already falling.

Words that Found Their Way Into My Mind 4

From Brida by Paulo Coelho

About Your Path of Life & Fear of Mistakes:

• When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat and despair are the tools God uses to show us our way.
• Path of wisdom means not being afraid to make mistakes.
• What are you good at? 
  Going after what I believe in.
  That was the only possible reply; she spent her life in pursuit of what she believed in. The only problem was that she believed in something different every day.
• Sometimes we set off down a path simply because we don’t believe in it. It’s easy enough. All we have to do is then prove that it isn’t the right path for us. However, when things start to happen, and the path does reveal itself to us, we become afraid of carrying on.
  Wicca said that she didn’t understand why so many people chose to spend their whole life destroying paths they didn’t even want to follow, instead of following the one path that would lead them somewhere
• Whenever you want to find out about something, plunge straight in.
  Choosing a path meant having to miss out on others.
  She wanted to follow all possible paths and so ended up following none.
• How much I missed simply because I was afraid of missing it.
• Finding one important thing in your life, doesn't mean you have to give up all the others.

About Us:

• Judging oneself to be inferior to other people was one of the worst act of pride, because it is the most destructive way of being different.
• We feel guilty when we go out to work because we're leaving our children in order to earn money to feed them. We feel guilty when we stay at home because it seems we're not making the most of our freedom. We feel guilty about everything, because we have always been kept far from decision-making and from power.
• She was a woman and does not need to explain her feelings.

About Love & Soulmate

• The whole of man's life on the face of Earth can be  summed up by that search for his soulmate. He might pretend to be running after wisdom, money or power, but none of that really matters. Whatever he achieves will be incomplete if he fails to find his soulmate.
• True love allowed each person to follow their own path, knowing that they would never lose touch with their soulmate.
• People give flowers as presents because flowers contain the true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading., ... you will never be mine, and that is why i will never lose you. you were my hope during the days of loneliness, my anxiety during moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith.

About Doubts:

• Never stop having doubts. If you ever do, it will be because you have stopped moving forward. ... but you must be careful never to let doubt paralyze you. Always take the decision you need to take, even if you are not sure you are doing the right thing. You will never go wrong, if when you make a decision, you keep in mind an old German proverb: "The devil is in the detail". Remember that proverb, you’ll always be able to turn a wrong decision into a right one.
• What is now proved was once imagined.

About the World:

• Nothing in the world is completely wrong.
  Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

About Faith:

• “That every moment in life is an act of faith.
  That you could choose to fill it with snakes and scorpions or with a strong protecting force.
  That faith cannot be explained. It was simply a Dark Night. And all she (Brida) had to do was to accept it or not.”
  
  

Brida in Paulo's Official Website

The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho

The story is a story of temptation. A desperate man arrives at Viscos village accompanied by a devil. He uses a girl called Chantal to trap the villagers into the temptation of their lives. They are asked to kill someone to get 10 gold bars. It might be an old, idle, and useless person. It doesn’t matter who the victim is. In this novel Paulo poses the following questions:

• Are you a believer?
  If yes, are you clinging to you religious codes and principles?
  If yes, what are your proofs? 
  What are the temptations you survived and  overcame?
  Are they strong ones?
  Are you ready for a strong temptation?
  Are you going to be the good person you think you are?
  Are you going to justify your sin?
  
• Are you good because you fear punishment? or
  Are you good because you are good by nature?
  If the world doesn't have religions or laws to discipline people, would you be disciplined by nature?
  If you know that you won't be punished, would you commit something wrong?
  
• Are you essentially good and get polluted by the surrounding circumstances? Or
  Are you essentially bad and get disciplined by religion, laws, and teaching? Or
  Do you have both sides good and evil, based on the situation the evil or good side dominates?
  
• Temptations, do they vary in kind from one person to another? Is it money, or children, or authority, etc.
  
• Do you justify you sins, even if they are minor ones? Will a little sin bring a major one?

The Devil & Miss Prym in Paulo's Official Website

The Devil & Miss Prym on Wikipedia

Words that Found Their into My Mind 3

From The Devil & Miss Prym

About Good and Evil:

• 'So you see, Good and Evil have the same face; it all depends on when they cross the path of each individual human being.'
• “The only reason anyone would sell salt more cheaply usually would be because he was desperate for money. Anyone who took advantage of that situation would be showing a lack of respect for the sweat and struggle of the man who labored to produce it."
  '"But such a small thing couldn't possibly destroy a village."
  '"In the beginning, there was only a small amount of injustice abroad in the world, but everyone who came afterwards added their portion, always thinking it was very small and unimportant, and look where we have ended up today."
• If Evil triumphed, even if it was in some small, forgotten place with only three streets, a square and a church, it could nevertheless go on to contaminate the valley, the region, the country, the continent, the seas, the whole world.
• Evil would never bring Good, however much they wanted to believe that it would. By the time they discovered the truth, it would be too late.
• '"If, tonight, the most beautiful prostitute in the village came in here, would you be able to see her as neither beautiful nor seductive?"
  '"No, but I would be able to control myself," the saint replied.
  '"And if I offered you a pile of gold coins to leave your cave in the mountain and come and join us, would you be able to look on that gold
  and see only pebbles?"
  '"No, but I would be able to control myself."
  '"And if you were sought by two brothers, one of whom hated you, and the other who saw you as a saint, would you be able to feel the same towards them both?"
  '"It would be very hard, but I would be able to control myself sufficiently to treat them both the same."
  It was all a matter of control. And choice. Nothing more and nothing less.
  

About Paradise and Hell:

• 'That's precisely what I want to find out: are we living in paradise or in hell?' the man said, interrupting her thoughts.
  Good, he was falling into her trap.
  'In paradise. But if you live somewhere perfect for a long time, you get bored with it in the end.'
• A man who found paradise when he thought he was a prisoner to the hell of routine and family, and who found hell when he could at last enjoy paradise and total freedom. That's who I am, a man who has been both good and evil throughout his life, perhaps the person most fitted to reply to my own question about the essence of humanity. (Carlos/the devil’s advocate)
  

About Temptation:

• 'About the nature of human beings. I discovered that confronted by temptation, we will always fall. Given the right circumstances, every human being on this earth would be willing to commit evil. I think'
  

About the Governing Forces of Fear:

• It isn't the desire to abide by the law that makes everyone behave as society requires, but the fear of punishment. Each one of us carries a gallows inside us.
• There was terror in each and every one of the people on that beautiful beach and on that breathtakingly beautiful evening. Terror of being alone, terror of the darkness filling their imaginations with devils, terror of doing anything not in the manuals of good behavior, terror of God's judgment, of what other people would say, of the law punishing any mistake, terror of trying and failing, terror of succeeding and having to live with the envy of other people, terror of loving and being rejected, terror of asking for a rise in salary, of accepting an invitation, of going somewhere new, of not being able to speak a foreign language, of not making the right impression, of growing old, of dying, of being pointed on because of one's defects, of not being pointed out because of one's merits, of not being noticed either for one's defects or one's merits.
  Terror, terror, terror. Life was a reign of terror, in the shadow of the guillotine. (the devil’s words)
• The story of the gallows was a good one, because it clearly shows that mankind is virtuous only because terror exists, but that men are still essentially bad, my true descendants. '

In Justification for the Crime:

• 'The only thing I know well in my religion, is which the sacrifice of one individual saved all humanity.'
• We have committed the sin of pride in believing ourselves to be better than we are - and that is why we are suffering.
• Thanks to this sacrifice, a good soul will go to heaven and find eternal joy, rather than remain suffering here on earth.
• 'Evil needs to manifest itself, for them to understand the value of Good.' Just as the traitor in the Bible, soon after betraying Jesus, understood what he had done, so the people in the village would realize what they had done and be so overwhelmed by remorse that their only refuge would be the Church. And Viscos - after all these years - would once again become a Christian village.

About the People of Viscos:

• People want to change everything and, at the same time, want it all to remain the same. Chantal did not immediately understand why, but that was what was happening to her. Perhaps she was too bound to Viscos, too accustomed to defeat, and any chance of victory was too heavy a burden to bear.
• They were so ignorant, so naive, so resigned to their lot. They refused to believe anything that didn't fit in with what they were used to believing. They all lived in fear of God.
• Very clever. Playing the part of a charitable soul was only for those who were afraid of taking a stand in life. It is always far easier to have faith in your own goodness than to confront others and fight for your rights.
• By Now, he also knew that the whole village is dreaming of committing a crime. He knew that they are too frightened actually to carry out the crime, but there intention was enough to answer his question: human beings are essentially bad.
• When that day came around again, they would accuse God of having placed them in terrible temptation.
• 'You're mistaken, Father. You were in paradise, but you didn't recognize it. It's the same with most people in this world; they seek suffering in the
  most joyous of places because they think they are unworthy of happiness.'

About Chantal and the Devil’s Advocate:

• She had dug up the gold bar but had been incapable of actually running off with it. She had committed the crime in her soul, but had been unable to carry it out in the real world.
• She had met two wolves that day, one who could be scared off with fir e, and another who wasn't scared of anything any more because he had already lost everything he valued and was now moving blindly forward, intent on destroying everything in his path.

About Old Berta (the Victim):

• Water: it has no taste, no smell, no colour and yet it is the most important thing in the world. Just like her at that moment.

About Dreams:

• She had just realized there were two things that prevent us from achieving our dreams: believing them to be impossible or seeing those dreams made possible by some sudden turn of the wheel of fortune, when you least expected it. For at that moment, all our fears suddenly surface: the fear of setting off along a road heading who knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, the fear of losing for ever everything that is familiar.
  

About Promises:

• 'In the first place, you shouldn't believe in promises. The world is full of them: promises of riches, of eternal salvation, of infinite love. Some people think they can promise anything, others accept whatever seems to guarantee better days ahead, as, I suspect, is your case. Those who make promises they don't keep end up powerless and frustrated, and exactly the same fate awaits those who believe those promises.'
  

About the Illusion of Security:

• it's stupid to believe we can control the world and to allow ourselves to be lulled into a false sense of security that leaves us totally unprepared for life; because then, when you least expect it, an earthquake throws up a range of mountains, a bolt of lightning kills a tree that was preparing for its summer rebirth, or a hunting accident puts paid to the life of an honest man
  

About Achieving Your Goal:

• 'Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.'
  

About the Kinds of Idiots:

• 'There are two kinds of idiots - those who don't take action because they have received a threat and those who think they are taking action because they have issued a threat.'

Please note that these quotes represent the novel characters’ views and this doesn’t mean that I agree or disagree with all of them.

Look at Me, Should I Better Go Crazy?!

If you look at me, most probably I’ll turn my head away. But if not, look in my eyes.
What do you think?, you think I’m not ok. Yes I’m not. You know why? I can’t tell. You know why? I don’t know. You Know why? because it is not only for one reason. You know why? because I’m afraid to talk. You know why? because I fear being misunderstood. You know why? because being blamed is the last thing I need. You know why? because I need to be treated kindly. You know why? because I don’t want to feel selfish by burdening others with my problem. You know why? because I fear regretting telling you one day. You know why? it is really complicated and I know to you, it may not seem so.
You know what? I’m strong but lately it seems I’m not that strong but I’m not weak. However, I’m board of being strong, independent, reliable, & supportive. May be I need to be weak for sometimes, to cry, shout, and show my anger, to act in a crazy way and show my fears. May be I need to lose my memory for a while. I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting, striving, reforming myself, caring for everyone, crying every now and then and being neglected at some times.
What do you think of crazy people? I’m starting to envy them. They can do whatever they want whenever they want without being blamed. They are simply crazy. They might be crazy, while I believe they enjoy a peace of mind which sane people may not enjoy.
What if I became crazy or insane? No No I don’t want this. Certainly God is already choosing the best for me. Why should I talk to anyone who may misunderstand me or blame me or I regret talking to? I can simply talk to HIM, to God, to Allah. He is the only one I can show my weakness to without fear. He is the only one who can help me without feeling any kind of selfishness. He is the only one I can ask for his help and pray for and be confident he will answer me. He is the only who is not looking for my support, instead I’m the one looking for his. He is the most one when I think of, I realize the many blessings he gave me and still does. When I think of him, I feel I should go on reforming myself and my relations, only since he wants that from me, not for his sake but for mine. God, I love talking to you. God help me overcome my inner weakness. God help me see life problems as minor that deserve no worry and anxiety. God help me be kind, loving, and even more supportive to everyone I love and care for. God you know I really really have no one but you. God I get my strength from you so please give me more strength.