What's More Interesting New People or People Anew?

Have you meet people you used to know or befriended a long time ago? What's your impression? Let me share my experience with you.

 

Yes, it is very interesting to meet new people. But you know what’s more interesting? It is meeting people anew.

At school I had many friends. Through the university and work years we lost connection. However, thanks to the facebook we were able to gather again.

We planned for a meeting day. We met in a café. Each one started talking about her experiences, life and work experiences. OH MY GOD, we are new people. However, we are still in harmony.

I kept listening and listening with comparisons between Now and Then going in my mind. We all agreed that we miss the days of innocence and carefreeness.

For Emy, she was very funny and excellent in imitating people. Now, she is a Section Head at a bureaucratic governmental organization. She talked about the employees she is managing. Some are useless but her boss forced them on her for favoritism issues. Some are very strong at verbal attacks, which make her in return a very skilled fighter in verbal battle fields.
Meanwhile, her mimicking skills enhanced in a way that she can’t help imitating her boss live while arguing with him.

For Gigi, she was the romantic girl at school who used to fall in love with handsome actors. She had very romantic fantasies about her would-be husband/lover. This romantic girl had a very unpleasant engagement year with a womanizer, liar, and miser man. Nothing was romantic about him. To avenge this man she insisted on breaking up this engagement on his birthday. She said “I was very happy to upset him in his own birthday” with a sense of victory and avenge. What a romantic ending for a romantic engagement!

For Mimi, she was the most glamorous and smartest in our group at school. We all used to gather around her when she talks and ponders her social, political, and even funny views. Now, Yes she fulfilled her dream of becoming a politics professor, but she no more talks as she used to. She only listens. I was wondering why was she silent! But I realized that since she remained in the academic field focused on her PHD studies, she didn’t have lots of happenings as we did at work. However, she is still the kind loving friend with whom you feel secure.

For Yuyu, she used to have a smiley face but very reasonable. Today, her smile is bigger but she has gone nuts as she herself says. Breaking up two engagements and being the victim of arranged marriage proposals (Salon Marriages) forced her to let go her reasonable mind. She said it clear to her mum “I can’t take this anymore. I’ll go fetch my future husband. I’m not getting engaged anymore, unless I know the person first”. In her search, she met several crazy guys who made her go crazy herself.

For me, I never thought I have changed that much. Seeing my friends, I realized I must have changed. But I can’t really say how much. I think I have to ask them. I never thought how I was then and what I’m now.

وتناثرت الأعضاء

لم أكن من المهتميبن بالسياسة بشكل عام ولم أكن من المتحمسين للكرة القدم سواء لمصر أو غيرها. لكن طبعًا حينما تحقق مصر نجاحًا عالميًا في أي مجال أسعد كثيرًا بل وأفخر أنني مصرية. لكن ما حدث في مباريات مصر والجزائر لم استطع تجاهله أو حتى أن يمر علي مرور الكرام. وبعد أن قرأت موضوع في مدونة إحدى صديقاتي حول تساؤلات تطرحها في هذا الشأن، وجدتني أطرح مزيد من التساؤلات التي لا استطيع الإجابة عليها ليس لأنني لا أعرف الإجابة، ولكن لأنني أخشى فجاعتها.

هل أدرك أحدكم إن ما حدث ويحدث في وسائط الإعلام العربية والعالمية أكبر دليل على أننا أصبحنا أمة أشقياء وليس أمة أشقاء؟

هل أصبحنا أمة تحتضر وتموت بفعل الغوغاء والجهلاء والمتحجرين فكريًا بل وعاطفيًا؟

هل يصل بنا الخلاف إلى درجة عدم الرغبة أو القدرة على التفاهم مع بعضنا؟

هل يصل بنا الحال إلى درجة أننا أصبحنا قادرين على التفاهم والدخول في اتفاقيات مع ألد أعدائنا، وفي نفس الوقت الدخول في حلقات السباب واللعن لبعضنا البعض؟

هل أصبحنا أسهل مضغة يمكن أن يبتلعها أعداؤنا لأننا أتخذنا من بعضنا عدوًا لأقل الأسباب أهمية؟

هل اعتدنا على الخيبة وإعادة السيناريوهات السوداء فقط من تاريخنا؟

هل تصل بنا المعصية إلى تحريف آيات القرآن الكريم لنهاجم بعضنا؟

هل أصبحنا في غفلة عن أبسط تعاليم ديننا "لا ضرر ولا ضرار"، حتى نتشاجر بل ونتحارب في أي وقت ما بالك في الأيام الحرم؟

هل فقدنا الإحساس بقضايا حياتنا وأوطاننا وأمتنا الملحة حتى نتشاجر على أقل الأشياء أهمية ونسمح لكل من هب ودب بأن يفرح بنا ويقوي نار الفتنة بينا؟

أين نحن الآن؟ أمة متفرقة، لا يشغلها سوى توجيه سهام النقد والسب واللعن والافتراء والحقد والكراهية على أعضائها.

للأسف لم نعد كالبنيان المرصوص أو الجسد الواحد إذا اشتكى منه عضوًا تداعى له سائر الأعضاء.

بل تناثرت الأعضاء حتى لم يشعر أي عضو بالآخر. بل وأصبح كل عضو وكأنه عضو في جسد آخر معادي لسائر الأعضاء.

The Sea

They were having a chat while watching the sunset on the sea. All of a sudden he asked:

He: How do you perceive the sea? What occurs to your mind first when you look at it?

She turns her head to the sea and loses herself to it in contemplation, when all the voices and people retreat.

She: The sea is an embodiment of love.

When you are on the surface, you see clearly.

When the wave comes, it takes you down.

As you fall deeper and deeper, you are fascinated by the marvelous colors of reefs and fishes.
You lose yourself to beauty more and more.

You can no more control your heart, it just overflows.

You can no more see the surface.

Others on the surface can see how it might be contaminated or polluted.

But you can't, since you are already drowned.
You love sinking more & more, no matter what.

While enjoying everything that is deep inside the sea, you may see a snake.

You run away from it and refuse to go to the surface again.

But when it comes nearer and nearer, you either have to escape it to the surface or struggle against it.

If you struggle, you may combat the snake and fall deeper and deeper and enjoy more and more.

If you get bitten, you will go to the surface again.

At this moment, you are taken aback by the contamination and pollution on the surface.

You will insist not to fall down again.

You would prefer to be on the surface with a clear vision and a stable heart.

Here come the waves again, you resist them.

But for a particular wave that you can't help resisting.

You simply surrender to the tide and go down again.

He keeps on looking at her, into her eyes and never looks back at the sea. She turns her head to him and with teary eyes:

She says calmly: Hey, why are you looking at me? I'm talking about the sea. You feel it doesn't make sense! Don't you? Does the sea remind you of anything?

He: I was lost in your expressions and eyes while describing the sea.

You know what! the sea reminds me of your eyes: Blue, Warm, and Calm sometimes; Stubborn and Rebellious other times. 

I've just realized, I'm already falling.

Words that Found Their Way Into My Mind 4

From Brida by Paulo Coelho

About Your Path of Life & Fear of Mistakes:

• When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat and despair are the tools God uses to show us our way.
• Path of wisdom means not being afraid to make mistakes.
• What are you good at? 
  Going after what I believe in.
  That was the only possible reply; she spent her life in pursuit of what she believed in. The only problem was that she believed in something different every day.
• Sometimes we set off down a path simply because we don’t believe in it. It’s easy enough. All we have to do is then prove that it isn’t the right path for us. However, when things start to happen, and the path does reveal itself to us, we become afraid of carrying on.
  Wicca said that she didn’t understand why so many people chose to spend their whole life destroying paths they didn’t even want to follow, instead of following the one path that would lead them somewhere
• Whenever you want to find out about something, plunge straight in.
  Choosing a path meant having to miss out on others.
  She wanted to follow all possible paths and so ended up following none.
• How much I missed simply because I was afraid of missing it.
• Finding one important thing in your life, doesn't mean you have to give up all the others.

About Us:

• Judging oneself to be inferior to other people was one of the worst act of pride, because it is the most destructive way of being different.
• We feel guilty when we go out to work because we're leaving our children in order to earn money to feed them. We feel guilty when we stay at home because it seems we're not making the most of our freedom. We feel guilty about everything, because we have always been kept far from decision-making and from power.
• She was a woman and does not need to explain her feelings.

About Love & Soulmate

• The whole of man's life on the face of Earth can be  summed up by that search for his soulmate. He might pretend to be running after wisdom, money or power, but none of that really matters. Whatever he achieves will be incomplete if he fails to find his soulmate.
• True love allowed each person to follow their own path, knowing that they would never lose touch with their soulmate.
• People give flowers as presents because flowers contain the true meaning of love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading., ... you will never be mine, and that is why i will never lose you. you were my hope during the days of loneliness, my anxiety during moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith.

About Doubts:

• Never stop having doubts. If you ever do, it will be because you have stopped moving forward. ... but you must be careful never to let doubt paralyze you. Always take the decision you need to take, even if you are not sure you are doing the right thing. You will never go wrong, if when you make a decision, you keep in mind an old German proverb: "The devil is in the detail". Remember that proverb, you’ll always be able to turn a wrong decision into a right one.
• What is now proved was once imagined.

About the World:

• Nothing in the world is completely wrong.
  Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

About Faith:

• “That every moment in life is an act of faith.
  That you could choose to fill it with snakes and scorpions or with a strong protecting force.
  That faith cannot be explained. It was simply a Dark Night. And all she (Brida) had to do was to accept it or not.”
  
  

Brida in Paulo's Official Website

The Devil and Miss Prym by Paulo Coelho

The story is a story of temptation. A desperate man arrives at Viscos village accompanied by a devil. He uses a girl called Chantal to trap the villagers into the temptation of their lives. They are asked to kill someone to get 10 gold bars. It might be an old, idle, and useless person. It doesn’t matter who the victim is. In this novel Paulo poses the following questions:

• Are you a believer?
  If yes, are you clinging to you religious codes and principles?
  If yes, what are your proofs? 
  What are the temptations you survived and  overcame?
  Are they strong ones?
  Are you ready for a strong temptation?
  Are you going to be the good person you think you are?
  Are you going to justify your sin?
  
• Are you good because you fear punishment? or
  Are you good because you are good by nature?
  If the world doesn't have religions or laws to discipline people, would you be disciplined by nature?
  If you know that you won't be punished, would you commit something wrong?
  
• Are you essentially good and get polluted by the surrounding circumstances? Or
  Are you essentially bad and get disciplined by religion, laws, and teaching? Or
  Do you have both sides good and evil, based on the situation the evil or good side dominates?
  
• Temptations, do they vary in kind from one person to another? Is it money, or children, or authority, etc.
  
• Do you justify you sins, even if they are minor ones? Will a little sin bring a major one?

The Devil & Miss Prym in Paulo's Official Website

The Devil & Miss Prym on Wikipedia

Words that Found Their into My Mind 3

From The Devil & Miss Prym

About Good and Evil:

• 'So you see, Good and Evil have the same face; it all depends on when they cross the path of each individual human being.'
• “The only reason anyone would sell salt more cheaply usually would be because he was desperate for money. Anyone who took advantage of that situation would be showing a lack of respect for the sweat and struggle of the man who labored to produce it."
  '"But such a small thing couldn't possibly destroy a village."
  '"In the beginning, there was only a small amount of injustice abroad in the world, but everyone who came afterwards added their portion, always thinking it was very small and unimportant, and look where we have ended up today."
• If Evil triumphed, even if it was in some small, forgotten place with only three streets, a square and a church, it could nevertheless go on to contaminate the valley, the region, the country, the continent, the seas, the whole world.
• Evil would never bring Good, however much they wanted to believe that it would. By the time they discovered the truth, it would be too late.
• '"If, tonight, the most beautiful prostitute in the village came in here, would you be able to see her as neither beautiful nor seductive?"
  '"No, but I would be able to control myself," the saint replied.
  '"And if I offered you a pile of gold coins to leave your cave in the mountain and come and join us, would you be able to look on that gold
  and see only pebbles?"
  '"No, but I would be able to control myself."
  '"And if you were sought by two brothers, one of whom hated you, and the other who saw you as a saint, would you be able to feel the same towards them both?"
  '"It would be very hard, but I would be able to control myself sufficiently to treat them both the same."
  It was all a matter of control. And choice. Nothing more and nothing less.
  

About Paradise and Hell:

• 'That's precisely what I want to find out: are we living in paradise or in hell?' the man said, interrupting her thoughts.
  Good, he was falling into her trap.
  'In paradise. But if you live somewhere perfect for a long time, you get bored with it in the end.'
• A man who found paradise when he thought he was a prisoner to the hell of routine and family, and who found hell when he could at last enjoy paradise and total freedom. That's who I am, a man who has been both good and evil throughout his life, perhaps the person most fitted to reply to my own question about the essence of humanity. (Carlos/the devil’s advocate)
  

About Temptation:

• 'About the nature of human beings. I discovered that confronted by temptation, we will always fall. Given the right circumstances, every human being on this earth would be willing to commit evil. I think'
  

About the Governing Forces of Fear:

• It isn't the desire to abide by the law that makes everyone behave as society requires, but the fear of punishment. Each one of us carries a gallows inside us.
• There was terror in each and every one of the people on that beautiful beach and on that breathtakingly beautiful evening. Terror of being alone, terror of the darkness filling their imaginations with devils, terror of doing anything not in the manuals of good behavior, terror of God's judgment, of what other people would say, of the law punishing any mistake, terror of trying and failing, terror of succeeding and having to live with the envy of other people, terror of loving and being rejected, terror of asking for a rise in salary, of accepting an invitation, of going somewhere new, of not being able to speak a foreign language, of not making the right impression, of growing old, of dying, of being pointed on because of one's defects, of not being pointed out because of one's merits, of not being noticed either for one's defects or one's merits.
  Terror, terror, terror. Life was a reign of terror, in the shadow of the guillotine. (the devil’s words)
• The story of the gallows was a good one, because it clearly shows that mankind is virtuous only because terror exists, but that men are still essentially bad, my true descendants. '

In Justification for the Crime:

• 'The only thing I know well in my religion, is which the sacrifice of one individual saved all humanity.'
• We have committed the sin of pride in believing ourselves to be better than we are - and that is why we are suffering.
• Thanks to this sacrifice, a good soul will go to heaven and find eternal joy, rather than remain suffering here on earth.
• 'Evil needs to manifest itself, for them to understand the value of Good.' Just as the traitor in the Bible, soon after betraying Jesus, understood what he had done, so the people in the village would realize what they had done and be so overwhelmed by remorse that their only refuge would be the Church. And Viscos - after all these years - would once again become a Christian village.

About the People of Viscos:

• People want to change everything and, at the same time, want it all to remain the same. Chantal did not immediately understand why, but that was what was happening to her. Perhaps she was too bound to Viscos, too accustomed to defeat, and any chance of victory was too heavy a burden to bear.
• They were so ignorant, so naive, so resigned to their lot. They refused to believe anything that didn't fit in with what they were used to believing. They all lived in fear of God.
• Very clever. Playing the part of a charitable soul was only for those who were afraid of taking a stand in life. It is always far easier to have faith in your own goodness than to confront others and fight for your rights.
• By Now, he also knew that the whole village is dreaming of committing a crime. He knew that they are too frightened actually to carry out the crime, but there intention was enough to answer his question: human beings are essentially bad.
• When that day came around again, they would accuse God of having placed them in terrible temptation.
• 'You're mistaken, Father. You were in paradise, but you didn't recognize it. It's the same with most people in this world; they seek suffering in the
  most joyous of places because they think they are unworthy of happiness.'

About Chantal and the Devil’s Advocate:

• She had dug up the gold bar but had been incapable of actually running off with it. She had committed the crime in her soul, but had been unable to carry it out in the real world.
• She had met two wolves that day, one who could be scared off with fir e, and another who wasn't scared of anything any more because he had already lost everything he valued and was now moving blindly forward, intent on destroying everything in his path.

About Old Berta (the Victim):

• Water: it has no taste, no smell, no colour and yet it is the most important thing in the world. Just like her at that moment.

About Dreams:

• She had just realized there were two things that prevent us from achieving our dreams: believing them to be impossible or seeing those dreams made possible by some sudden turn of the wheel of fortune, when you least expected it. For at that moment, all our fears suddenly surface: the fear of setting off along a road heading who knows where, the fear of a life full of new challenges, the fear of losing for ever everything that is familiar.
  

About Promises:

• 'In the first place, you shouldn't believe in promises. The world is full of them: promises of riches, of eternal salvation, of infinite love. Some people think they can promise anything, others accept whatever seems to guarantee better days ahead, as, I suspect, is your case. Those who make promises they don't keep end up powerless and frustrated, and exactly the same fate awaits those who believe those promises.'
  

About the Illusion of Security:

• it's stupid to believe we can control the world and to allow ourselves to be lulled into a false sense of security that leaves us totally unprepared for life; because then, when you least expect it, an earthquake throws up a range of mountains, a bolt of lightning kills a tree that was preparing for its summer rebirth, or a hunting accident puts paid to the life of an honest man
  

About Achieving Your Goal:

• 'Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.'
  

About the Kinds of Idiots:

• 'There are two kinds of idiots - those who don't take action because they have received a threat and those who think they are taking action because they have issued a threat.'

Please note that these quotes represent the novel characters’ views and this doesn’t mean that I agree or disagree with all of them.

Look at Me, Should I Better Go Crazy?!

If you look at me, most probably I’ll turn my head away. But if not, look in my eyes.
What do you think?, you think I’m not ok. Yes I’m not. You know why? I can’t tell. You know why? I don’t know. You Know why? because it is not only for one reason. You know why? because I’m afraid to talk. You know why? because I fear being misunderstood. You know why? because being blamed is the last thing I need. You know why? because I need to be treated kindly. You know why? because I don’t want to feel selfish by burdening others with my problem. You know why? because I fear regretting telling you one day. You know why? it is really complicated and I know to you, it may not seem so.
You know what? I’m strong but lately it seems I’m not that strong but I’m not weak. However, I’m board of being strong, independent, reliable, & supportive. May be I need to be weak for sometimes, to cry, shout, and show my anger, to act in a crazy way and show my fears. May be I need to lose my memory for a while. I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting, striving, reforming myself, caring for everyone, crying every now and then and being neglected at some times.
What do you think of crazy people? I’m starting to envy them. They can do whatever they want whenever they want without being blamed. They are simply crazy. They might be crazy, while I believe they enjoy a peace of mind which sane people may not enjoy.
What if I became crazy or insane? No No I don’t want this. Certainly God is already choosing the best for me. Why should I talk to anyone who may misunderstand me or blame me or I regret talking to? I can simply talk to HIM, to God, to Allah. He is the only one I can show my weakness to without fear. He is the only one who can help me without feeling any kind of selfishness. He is the only one I can ask for his help and pray for and be confident he will answer me. He is the only who is not looking for my support, instead I’m the one looking for his. He is the most one when I think of, I realize the many blessings he gave me and still does. When I think of him, I feel I should go on reforming myself and my relations, only since he wants that from me, not for his sake but for mine. God, I love talking to you. God help me overcome my inner weakness. God help me see life problems as minor that deserve no worry and anxiety. God help me be kind, loving, and even more supportive to everyone I love and care for. God you know I really really have no one but you. God I get my strength from you so please give me more strength.

Is It Love or Companionship?

I've been watching a scene from an American soap opera, when I found the conversation very interesting. It took place between a man and his wife about the word Apathy. They were having breakfast before the husband goes to work. He was reading the newspaper and she kept looking at him and contemplating:

Wife: How about the word Apathy?
Husband: What! What did you say?
Wife: The most appropriate word "Apathy". You feel it. Don't you? Don't you?
Husband: I try not to.
Wife: That's the exact definition trying not to feel something.
Husband: I'm aware we have problems, but we also have life to live.
Wife: Oh let's go on with our lives and put our marriage on the backseat for everything else.
Husband: Is this all leading to some suggested course of action?
Wife: No just discussion.
Husband: Then it is a little self indulgence.
Wife: Well I'd like to be little self-indulgent in this issue if you don't mind. 
Husband: By all means, if it's what you want.
Wife: Of course, that's what I want.
Husband: You want to argue about this, is this what's leading us?
Wife: I can't recall the last time we had a GOOOD argument that's the problem you know? We're so polite so civil! no conflict! no confrontation!
Husband: You don't build what we built together on confrontations.
Wife: What we built? Big House in Beverly Hills, what we have 4 children, What about love, what about fulfillment? what about friendship? companionship? What we have together? We live in a big house in Beverly Hills, we sleep in the same bed and we are so far apart, absolute estrangement!
Is this satisfying to you? (he kept silent and didn't answer) Is it really? because it seems to be.
Husband: No, no it is not satisfying to me. Do you want to continue this discussion?
Wife (furiously): NO!!!!!!!!! Why don't you just go to work
Husband: I'll see you at dinner
Wife nodded Sarcastically

These two people loved each other, but what the wife misses is companionship. They got used to be in love with each other, do the same activities together every day because they have to not because they want to (We have life to live). Their relation became a daily use. However, they lost the essence of any fulfilling relationship whether love, parental relations, friendship, etc. which is Companionship.


When I thought of the idea, I started to understand why a person can feel lonely though he/she is surrounded by people who love him/her. It is not all about love, it is more about companionship: Sharing your feelings, thoughts, interests and whole being NOT merely sharing activities, Finding someone to understand you, someone with whom you can talk without boundaries, Someone you understand and ready to listen to without boundaries.

I believe that this kind of companionship can apply to any kind of relationship: brotherhood, motherhood, fatherhood, friendship, even with daughters and sons, NOT just your partner.

However, if you are lucky enough and your partner became your companion, this would be the most amazing and fulfilling relation you may ever have. At the same time, if you don't find this in your partner, either you start by being your partner's companion yourself or seek companionship elsewhere; with your sister, brother, friend, etc. But don't blame it on anybody, if you don't seek it first.


In the mid of shared activities, like raising children with your partner or working with your friend, you can search the hobbies and interests of the other party. Even if they are different from yours, you can start trying them, showing interest in them, asking to share your partner or friend in doing them. By time the other party's hobbies and interests will become a habit and an easy-to-do thing. If the other party really loves you, he/she will automatically show an equal interest in your hobbies and interest. Here begins the companionship. With time your companionship will grow, you will find yourselves getting to understand each other perfectly, and sharing everything else, your thoughts, feelings and being.



One of the other elements of companionship that a friend of mine drew my attention to is listening. Sometimes when someone wants to be listened, you may give him/her the deaf ear "You might be hearing but not listening". This often happens when you are not interested in the thing the other party is speaking about or not interested in or caring enough for him/her. In the conversation above, the husband showed no interest in listening "Is this all leading to some suggested course of action?". That is to say he is not ready to listen to just a discussion or an expression of feelings. If his wife wants from him a certain action, she can just state it and save him all this discussion. While this wasn't what she wanted, she wanted the discussion, she wanted to be self-indulgent on this subject, which he couldn't understand.

If you are looking for companionship, you should be ready to listen for things you are not interested in. The more you listen, the more you care for the other party and vice versa. The way you listen tells of the way you care for the other party. You are listening NOT out of an interest in the subject itself BUT out of concern for the other party. Being concerned about him/her helps you listen and understand. Understanding the other party will lead you to use his/her way of thinking and feeling to lift his/her burden. This is one of the main definitions of companionship, "Being able to become the other person emotionally and mentally, wearing his/her own glasses, seeing the world from his/her eyes to get to the essence of how to help him/her".

But what if you try and find yourself unable to understand? I believe that at this moment, if you are really honest and sincere in your trial to listen and understand, the other party will feel it. Your honest and sincere listening would be a proof of your companionship intentions for him/her.

Words that Found Their Way into My Mind 2

The Story of the Pencil

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point he asked: ‘Are you writing a story about what we’ve done? Is it a story about me?’ His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson: ‘I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I’m using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.’ Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn’t seem very special. ‘But it’s just like any other pencil I’ve ever seen!’ ‘That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.’ ‘First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.’ ‘Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpner. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person. ‘Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.’ ‘Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.’ ‘Finally, the pencil’s fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. in just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action’ Source: Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho

هوه إحنا يا ستات عايزين أيه بالضبط؟ لحظة تأمل

اتفرجت من كام يوم على الفيلم الأجنبي ستبفورد وايفز والفيلم العربي أريد خلعًا وتذكرت فيلم أريد حلاً.

هذه الأفلام جعلتني اتعجب وأطرح هذا السؤال "هو إحنا يا ستات عايزين أيه بالضبط؟"

والسؤال لا ينطبق علينا فقط كستات شرقيات وإنما على كل الستات في كل مكان.

زمان لما كانت الست دورها في الحياة الزواج وتربية الأطفال والحفاظ على نظافة المنزل والاهتمام بالرجل وتدليعه، كان مش عاجبنا، على الرغم إن هذه السيدات والأمهات كان يقال عليهن ليدي ‏.

أصبحنا نبحث عن حرية المرأة:
• في الدراسة كويس
• في اتخاذ القرار كويس
• في العمل كويس
• في الخلع كويس
• في أي شيء كويس

وفي نفس الوقت:
• أصبحنا أقل اهتمامًا بأطفالنا مش كويس
• أصبحنا أقل اهتمامًا ببيوتنا مش كويس
• أصبجنا لا نراعي أزوجنا كما يجب مش كويس
• أصبحنا نهدد ونتوعد مش كويس
• أصبحنا جبارات في بعض الأحيان مما يفقدنا أنوثتنا برضو مش كويس

والآن وبعد أن أدركنا تقصيرنا فيما تميزت به جداتنا والأجيال الأقدم، لم نشعر بأن ما حصلنا عليه أو حصلت عليه أمهاتنا من حرية وتحقيق ذات يشفع لنا.

لهذا في الوقت الحالي نعمل جاهدات لكي نحقق كل شيء: أن نصبح مثل جداتنا وأيضًا أمهاتنا.

نحن نريد أن نكون مثل أمهاتنا: عاملات ومحققات ذاتنا ومفكرات ومشاركات في القرار ومسيطرات وبيتعملنا ألف حساب.
ونريد في نفس الوقت أن نكون مثل جداتنا: نربي الأولاد أحسن تربية ونحافظ على نظافة المنزل ونظامه وطباخات مهارات وزوجات صالحات نراعي أزوجنا ونتحلى بالابتسامة والحنية الدائمتين.

ولكن الحقيقة أننا لن نستطيع أن نغطي كل شيء، إلا إننا نكابر ونعاند ونجبر أنفسنا على تحمل ما لا طاقة لنا به لكي نحقق الوضع المثالي في كل شيء مما قد يؤدي إلى انهيار أحد الجانبين، الذات أو الأسرة، أو التقصير في كلا الجانبين (وهذا ما نسميه بالتوازن).

فنحن عندما نحقق ما نسميه التوازن، ندرك تمامًا أننا مقصرات في كلا الجانبين ونشعر بتأنيب الضمير حتى وإن كنا مقتنعات كل الاقتناع بأن هذا أقصى ما عندنا.

طيب لو قولنا نركز على جانب دون الآخر.

كأن تختار إحدانا أن تكون أمرأة عاملة لتحقيق ذاتها، ما يحدث في الحقيقة، حتى وإن كانت تستمتع بالنجاح، فإنها بينها وبين نفسها تشعر إن هناك ما ينقصها، فتصبح فرحة النجاح نصف فرحة (على رأي آصالة "نص حالة").

وإن اختارت إحدانا أن تكون ربة منزل إيمانًا منها بأن تنشئة أبناء على خلق ناجحين هو تحقيق لذاتها. عندما يأتي عليها اليوم الذي يفرغ فيه المنزل من الأبناء وينشغلوا عنها بمتطلبات الحياة، في هذه اللحظة تكون الفرحة أيضًا نصف فرحة، حيث تشعر بضياع ذاتها في ذات أبنائها.

الدنيا كئبت قوي، أنا عارفة وأسفة.

بس أنا فعلاً مش عارفة إحنا عايزين أيه؟ أنا عايزة أيه؟ أنا فعلاً اتلخبط

A Realization that Came After 28 Years

After 28 years of her life, she finally realized the MAN she has been living or may be NOT living with for her entire life.

Whenever, she was asked does she love him, she answers "Of course he is my dad". She never thought of any other reason. She wasn't that kind of girl who talks with her dad about herself, her dreams, her personal life, or even her educational or professional life. There has always been a wall of silence between them. Now, it doesn't matter why this was happening; or who’s to blame him or her.

What really matters is that after 28 years of silence, she realized the person her dad is. It took her about 7 years since she left college to know him. This realization came through others. Previously, whenever she wanted to get, buy, learn or do something she can't do on her own, she went to him. She was so authoritative in her tone "Dad you have to do it, who else should I go to, it is part of your responsibility, you always help others and not happy to help me bla, bla, bla" Her dad used to yell back at her for this way, but he never let her down. He always did what she wanted. Of course, her tone was so cruel for a dad to bear, but she couldn't realize this, since her dad returned her emotional silence with silence in his part. He never showed her how much she hurt him.

For 7 years now she started to get nicer. All of sudden, she started to realize how mean this has been. She started to ask for help in a nicer way, but still the wall of silence exists. Today, she wanted to get a car. Today, she started to realize how her father is a very loveable person. Everyone is there for him, his relatives, his friends, his companions, and even people that he barely knows. When he started to ask about the best and most affordable car for his daughter, she found many people at her command:

• Someone who helped her to get the driving license
• Someone who got her a discount from a friend of his, a salesman working in a car store
• Someone who drove the car home for her, since she is not very good at driving yet
• Someone who went with her to get the car papers and license from a very far city
• Two people who insisted on training her on driving her car

In all these steps her dad was with her. All these people, she didn’t meet or see before. They did that not for her but for her dad. She saw how these people love and appreciate her dad. The way he contributed to these people's emotional banks, helped her. She told her dad "how can I pay back for all this help from all these people". He answered in a very natural way "It is pre-paid already. Don't bother yourself with that". She realized how her dad was helpful for others, and they haven’t taken it for granted as she has. They are in a race willing to pay back and help him in whatever he wants. She realized how sincere, sensitive, considerate, trusted, and amazing person her father is in the way people treated her.

He never showed her that he once got hurt from her past arrogance, ignorance, and unappreciation.

Now after years of silence, she can't tell him:

• How much she is touched by people's love to him
• How much she appreciates his contribution to her life, that she never did before
• How much she regrets taking him for granted
• How much she wants to tell him she loves him so much, but she can't now since she never did before
• How much she fears he might not understand what she passed through that makes her so sincere in saying for the 1st time in her life "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DAD AND I APPRECIATE YOUR KINDNESS AND BACKING ME UP IN EVERYTHING" Is it too late?
• How many times he drove her to tears by his kindness and unconditional love and the love she sees in people's eyes

Yes, may be she doesn't talk much to him, but she wishes to break this wall of silence and invite him into her life. She thinks she might deserve this now after this realization. But would he forgive her or may be his kindness and sincerity are already blinding him to the hurt she caused him.

The problem is that she can't tell him any of this. She explained it to me. I wrote it. I hope that someday someone who knows them both can explain to him all this. I'm really driven to tears; they are freezing in my eyes.

وماذا بعد؟

هذه الفكرة مستوحاة من قصة لإحدى صديقاتي. أرجو أن تقرئيها لتعرفي ما يدور بداخلك.



وماذا بعدما
قاومت رفضي

وماذا بعدما
داعبت إحساسي بكلماتك الدافئة

وماذا بعدما
خاطبت عقلي بأفكارك الحرة

وماذا بعدما
أظهرت تقديرك لذاتي وعقلي

وماذا بعدما
عرفت كل نقاط قوتي وضعفي

وماذا بعدما
أحببتني كما أنا

وماذا بعدما
أفصحت لي بما في قلبك من مشاعر

وماذا بعدما
أهديتني الورود وكل ما أحب

وماذا بعدما
تخليت عن أنانيتك لأجلي

وماذا بعدما
أصبحت تعشق نبرة صوتي

وماذا بعدما
أصبحت لا ترى في الوجود غيري

وماذا بعدما
غمرتني بحنانك

وماذا بعدما
جفت دموعي بكلمة منك

وماذا بعدما
التمست لي الأعذار

وماذا بعدما
وجدت منك كل ما انتظر

تُرى

هل كل هذا حلمًا أم حقيقة؟
هل هو حقيقي أم زائف؟
هل أعترف لك بحبي؟
وإذا فعلت
هل ستشعر إنك ملكتني؟
هل ستفقد اهتمامك بي؟
هل سأصبح من مسلمات حياتك؟
هل ستشعر بالملل لأني لن أعد تحديًا لك؟

فأنا فعلاً أحبك
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بحبك لي
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بضعفي تجاهك
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بوجودك إلى جواري
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بأنني امرأة تستند إلى رجل
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بأنني أهم ما في وجودك
وأكثر ما أحبه هو إحساسي بأنك أهم ما في وجودي

Why Do You Insist?

Why do you insist on
Suffocating me

Why do you insist on
Trapping me

Why do you insist on
Hurting me

Why do you insist on
Having an obsessive power over me

Why do you insist on
Controlling me

Why do you insist on
Taking away my freedom

Why do you insist on
Treating me as a child or even a toddler

Why do you insist on
Distrusting my mind

Why do you insist on
Driving me to the edge

Why do you insist on
Driving me to hurt you

Why do you insist on
Making me fear you

Why do you insist on
Making me feel guilty

Why do you insist on
Making me worry about losing you

Why do you insist on
Refusing to understand

Why do you insist on
Blaming me for everything

Why do you insist on
Disrespecting my will

Why do you insist on
Calling me a devil

Why do you insist on
Bringing up the worst in me

Why do you insist on
Believing you Know me the best

Why do you insist on
Having the final say regardless of its destructive impact

Why do you insist on
Victimizing yourself so you get what you want

Why do you insist on
Becoming my enemy

Why do you insist on
Suffocating me this way

This is how she currently feels towards a person, whom she loves by nature and who sometimes drives her crazy. However, she would never wish to cut this person off her life. Though this person sometimes suffocates her, this person is the jewel of her heart. Please, consider the way you treat her sometimes.

هوه إحنا ليه مش طايقين بعض؟؟؟

سؤال طرحته علي أستاذتي ومعلمتي التي أكن لها احترام كبير. وكان الموضوع ليه الناس بقت مش طايقة بعضها. ظللت أفكر في هذا الموضوع إلى أن توصلت إلى عدة أسباب قد تختلف من فرد لفرد ومن حالة لحالة:

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان لا نحترم اختلاف الآخر، فالخلاف في الرأي أصبح يفسد للود قضية.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان بنسلك أيسر الطرق لرفض الآخر ككل وليس بعض أفكاره. فإذا اختلفنا مع الآخر في جانب مثل الدين أو فكرة معينة، يصبح هذا الآخر مرفوضًا ككل شكلاً وموضوعًا. فنحن لا ننظر إلى كل فكرة أو كل شيء يمثله هذا الشخص على حدة وبحيادية تامة.

إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان دائمًا ما نتوقع الشر في الآخرين. فغالبًا ما نعتقد أن نية هذا الشخص أو ذاك سيئة.

 إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان أصبحنا نخاف أن نُظهر الجانب الإيجابي الطيب منا. نحب أن نُظهر الجانب السلبي - القاسي - المتحفز، اعتقادًا منا بأن الطيبة وتوقع الخير وحسن النية تجاه الآخرين قد يٌفسر كنوع من السذاجة بل والعبط.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان لا نصارح بعضنا بما نظن أو نعتقد. ونستمر في مضاعفة المشاعر السلبية تجاه بعضنا دون أن نفهم وجهة النظر الأخرى.

 إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان كثيرًا ما يعتقد الفرد أن رأيه هو الرأي السليم وما يُطبق عليه يطبق ١٠٠٪ على الغير. في هذه الحالة إذا اختلف الآخر معي في الرأي، إذن فهو خطأ  ٪١٠٠

نعم قد يكون رأي الفرد صحيح ومناسب له فقط وليس بالضرورة صحيح ومناسب لغيره.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان بعدنا بعض الشيء عن تعاليم ديننا الحنيف الذي حثنا على تقبل الآخر والمشورة واحترام نتائج هذه المشورة وما ينتج عنها من قرار يطبق على الجميع.

· إحنا مش طايقين بعض علشان تركنا الآخرين يتحكموا في حالتنا المزاجية. لو قررت إني أواظب على السعادة والابتسام والتفاؤل سأجد أنه من الصعب أن يؤثر أحد على هذا المزاج مما يدفعني في بعض الأحيان إلى التماس العذر للآخرين لأنني قررت أن أتفاءل وأبتسم.


ممكن نتخلى عن هذه الأسباب ونبحث عن الأسباب اللي تخلينا نطيق بعض!!!!!
ا

Everyone Deserves the Magical Effect of Smiling

For all those who think that their mood is governed by their surroundings.
We used to hear people saying:
If you smile this will effect your inner soul and make you happy
We used to answer
That's nonsense

However, I did it people.
I realized that by smiling I can get over all my surroundings. I realized happiness is a decision. If you really decide to become happy, you will be able to. The first step to happiness is to smile. Wear the smiling face everyday in the morning.

• Smiling makes you love your face and your own self, when you look at the mirror every morning.
  
• Smiling at the face of others (normal people) makes them smile at your face, thus, making your smile bigger.
• Smiling and deciding to keep the smile makes everything else in the day so trivial and worthless.
• Smiling makes you calm and receptive to people comments and words, thus, objective.
• Smiling makes you find excuses for others, thus, reducing conflicts.
• Smiling at the face of others is a kind of mercy that God demanded from us, thus, it makes you gain God's blessing.
• Smiling makes you see the positive side of everything, thus, it makes you optimistic.
• Smiling opens your mind and heart to creative ideas and even challenges; you don't have the negative thoughts and emotions that can block your mind and heart.
  
• Smiling makes you a nicer person towards other, thus, increasing your emotional banks.

Keep on telling yourself "I'm happy" and keep smiling, "Oh I'll keep my smile, it makes me happy, nothing and no one deserves to take that from me".
Do it for a week and see how it will affect your inner soul, mood, and relations. I assure you, you will do it for the week after and after....etc.

From a person who previously underestimated the Magical Effect of Smiling.